You sound like you might be autistic. Obviously just a wild guess, but just in case you might want to check
this
to see if you can relate to anything in there. Autists have an extremly high rate of all kinds of paraphilias and abnormal sexualities.
And I want to do that to someone in a lewd and non-consensual sense. It's my second favorite type of fantasy, after intensely loving sex in a heavily interdependend relationship. From what I can tell, a random woman would be more likely to share the former fantasy with me over the later one.
Not on here that long, so I'm sure how much talking about this kind of thing is allowed. LGBT is bannable but autists, esp. the always online type, is overrepresentated amongst non-standart sexualities and we have a large set of autists on here, so adding 2 and 2 together... makes you wonder if not more users would be banned for their porn searches than for their fake incel status, was everything known about everyone.
Hating is the goal. Putting yourself above someone. Uniting together against someone widely dispised and socially vulnerable. Gaining status by putting yourself above them. Denying them recources and taking them for yourself, using your number advantage to hurt them if they resist. Hurting others makes you look strong and respectable, once you have established that you can ruin one person everyone else will be hesitant to oppose you.
I'm not sure if I could be convinced that you explored your own shadow throughly. Your self-image sounds too focused on what's justifiable. We're still animals deep down, we don't desire what we can justify, we use justification to defend what we desire in the social arena.