ServusLuciferi
Banned
-
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2022
- Posts
- 568
Greetings. I'm new here.
Here's my story:
I'm currently 24.
I began lurking here 2 years ago out of sheer boredom and curiosity. I came here with a bluepilled (maybe with a slight tint of redpill curiosity) mindset to ridicule supposedly "mentally ill" people who hate women. Then I read. And read. and read. And the blackpill consumed my being. I realized that in the human hierarchy of angels, I was a cast out demon when puberty occurred and I am actually not "normal".
I have never had an experience of enlightenment quite like this before. Over the span of two years, I mentally broke down (scarring some relationships with my family who I felt hid stuff from me like this), went through the self improvement meme, and got a lot of my shit together - even went through the Looksmaxxing route a bit; got way more lean (still have a ways to go, but I'm no longer fat and I have some muscles now), cleaned off my face, have a better sense of aesthetics, etc. All to no avail in romantic success.
My self-improvement phase only confirmed aspects of the blackpill - a few of my male peers now are randomly friendly to me in ways they weren't before, and now I have a few male friends - but that's about it. No romantic success whatsoever after trying and making efforts. Even today there was a girl I made eye-contact with several times at the gym and tried approaching, and she didn't even acknowledge my existence - like I wasn't next to her trying to talk to her. Feminist losers might say it was the wrong social context (a lie, men approach at the gym to fuck all the time), but even some girls I know workplace wise and through those friends don't have any interest romantically, period. Only dating experience I had was one mediocre looking older chick I met through one of the few friends I have, who kept delaying setting up dates for weeks and finally dropped the bombshell that "she's grown past her hoe phase" and wants a more platonic type romantic relationship, so I politely told her to fuck off. That's it. I'm still a virgin, no women, no girlfriend, nothing.
I'm at a point where I'm "at peace" with the blackpill. I wouldn't say content - I don't know what to do with that knowledge. Try to make my career my only focus in life and try to become rich (might be futile because of my low smv)? Keep flirting with women to annoy them out of spite? Become a monk or pick up some spiritual praxis somewhere? Join a cult? Drop out and live off the grid in nature? I don't fucking know.
But this is all I'll say -thank you for this site bros. You've shattered my delusions of my own life, of divine destiny and fate, of me waiting for my soul mate, of an unbiased loving and caring God, the Abrahamic religions and Western society. You've given me a type of spiritual enlightenment from the void, from the darkest of the shadows of human consciousness that I don't think anybody in history has ever been able to do so. Truly, this site is the fruit of knowledge of good and evil, and I'm awake now.
So thank you.
P.S. No I'm not a literal Luciferian, nor am I a fucking 90s corporate slave loser Temple of Satan punk metal junkie. I feel in my heart and soul I'm archetypally a type of lucifer, a type of angel who was kicked out of the hierarchy of human fraternity when I refused to be subordinate to being a punching bag in normie social cliques. And I just now traverse the void, alone in the depths of the abysses of hell.
Here's my story:
I'm currently 24.
I began lurking here 2 years ago out of sheer boredom and curiosity. I came here with a bluepilled (maybe with a slight tint of redpill curiosity) mindset to ridicule supposedly "mentally ill" people who hate women. Then I read. And read. and read. And the blackpill consumed my being. I realized that in the human hierarchy of angels, I was a cast out demon when puberty occurred and I am actually not "normal".
I have never had an experience of enlightenment quite like this before. Over the span of two years, I mentally broke down (scarring some relationships with my family who I felt hid stuff from me like this), went through the self improvement meme, and got a lot of my shit together - even went through the Looksmaxxing route a bit; got way more lean (still have a ways to go, but I'm no longer fat and I have some muscles now), cleaned off my face, have a better sense of aesthetics, etc. All to no avail in romantic success.
My self-improvement phase only confirmed aspects of the blackpill - a few of my male peers now are randomly friendly to me in ways they weren't before, and now I have a few male friends - but that's about it. No romantic success whatsoever after trying and making efforts. Even today there was a girl I made eye-contact with several times at the gym and tried approaching, and she didn't even acknowledge my existence - like I wasn't next to her trying to talk to her. Feminist losers might say it was the wrong social context (a lie, men approach at the gym to fuck all the time), but even some girls I know workplace wise and through those friends don't have any interest romantically, period. Only dating experience I had was one mediocre looking older chick I met through one of the few friends I have, who kept delaying setting up dates for weeks and finally dropped the bombshell that "she's grown past her hoe phase" and wants a more platonic type romantic relationship, so I politely told her to fuck off. That's it. I'm still a virgin, no women, no girlfriend, nothing.
I'm at a point where I'm "at peace" with the blackpill. I wouldn't say content - I don't know what to do with that knowledge. Try to make my career my only focus in life and try to become rich (might be futile because of my low smv)? Keep flirting with women to annoy them out of spite? Become a monk or pick up some spiritual praxis somewhere? Join a cult? Drop out and live off the grid in nature? I don't fucking know.
But this is all I'll say -thank you for this site bros. You've shattered my delusions of my own life, of divine destiny and fate, of me waiting for my soul mate, of an unbiased loving and caring God, the Abrahamic religions and Western society. You've given me a type of spiritual enlightenment from the void, from the darkest of the shadows of human consciousness that I don't think anybody in history has ever been able to do so. Truly, this site is the fruit of knowledge of good and evil, and I'm awake now.
So thank you.
P.S. No I'm not a literal Luciferian, nor am I a fucking 90s corporate slave loser Temple of Satan punk metal junkie. I feel in my heart and soul I'm archetypally a type of lucifer, a type of angel who was kicked out of the hierarchy of human fraternity when I refused to be subordinate to being a punching bag in normie social cliques. And I just now traverse the void, alone in the depths of the abysses of hell.
Last edited: