E
Edmund_Kemper
Disregard my larping efforts. I can’t change it.
-
- Joined
- Sep 26, 2019
- Posts
- 25,309
There are many normies who might claim they don't have a negative bias against virgins, but they often can. Just because they don't go "hah hah you're a virgin what a loser" doesn't mean they cannot be biased against virgins or aren't virgin shaming. just like how covert racism (ie: microaggression) exists, so does subtle virgin shaming.
Examples
1. The take a shower advice. This is advice perpetuates the stereotype that all adult virgins are fat ugly and live in their mom's basement and never shower or have bad hygiene. This has NEVER been proven to be true about them, but a mere assumption society makes. Take a shower is really patronizing advice and subtle virgin shaming.
2. "I don't mind virgin guys as long as they aren't a sexist incel". I've seen people who've said this online. Hell, some dumbass on r/AskWomen said she'd date a virgn guy "as long as he isn't a bitter misogynistic incel". Notice how she is suspicious he's a potential misogynist but won't say "i'll date experienced men unless they're a misogynist"? This is despite the fact that studies show that misogynistic men tend to be extremely promiscuous men, not virgins. If you have to assume a guy is a potential misogynist because he's a virgin, that's subtle virgin shaming.
3. The fact that when a lonely romanceless kissless virgin talks about how he's depressed or lonely over his inexperience, people online carefully examine every detail of what he says and then use anything he uses against him in the replies as "this is why you can't get laid". If you have to carefully examine anything he says like that, consciously or subconsciously, and then use it against him in the replies, that's subtle virgin shaming because you don't do that to experienced people.
4. Telling someone "women don't want you because you are desperate, or self-loathe or depressed, etc.".: This is patronizing advice. First of all, their desperation, lack of confidence, depression, etc. didn't come out of the blue. Usually, their struggle to find someone causes their depression/self-loathing/etc, not vice versa. So this is a confusion of cause and effect. And chick magnets act confident because being able to attract people so easily gave them confidence, not vice versa. Many depressed or self-loathing people hide it all the time, that's why depressed people are NO less likely to enter a relationship. Most easily hide it. That's why people are shocked when someone kills themselves. This idea that women have a sixth sense to detect your feelings is a myth.
5. Calling the phrase "virgin not by choice" misogyny, when it's not. Apparently a few years back, some 27 year old involuntary virgin guy posted a question on quora. He says he was a virgin not by choice and said it was due to shyness he struggled to overcome. But as he finally began dating, women he dated didn't wanna date him anymore upon finding out he's inexperienced. He simply calmly asked if inexperience is something that turns women off. That is ALL he asked. He said nothing even remotely hateful. Of course, the replies were full of assholes putting words in his mouth, calling him whiny, and calling him a child. They then accused him of blaming women because he said he's virgin not by choice even though he simply said he never found anyone because he was shy and struggled to overcome it. That isn't blaming anyone.
Virgin not by choice means you never were wanting to abstain from sex and just never had the occasion. That isn't blaming anyone. Nobody chooses shyness so it isn't his choice, nor is that blaming anyone. Some people also might have other factors that cannot be considered blaming such as autism (which also isn't a choice and autism does make it hard to find a partner) or inability to meet new people (putting yourself out there doesn't mean you'll run into new women or new people in general to meet). It's not blaming others. Even if they say they never found someone who reciprocated interest or always get rejected, this isn't them trying to blame anyone. They're just trying to simply objectively state what happened. They're just saying they never found anyone and it never worked out.
To say the phrase "virgin but not by choice" is sexist is dumb because even virgin women could describe themselves that way and no one would care. Virgin by choice means you never wanted to have sex yet. If a person is still a virgin because of mistakes they made, that doesn't mean they were by choice. Even if something is the result of your mistakes, the consequences are INADVERTENT. You didn't know the consequences nor did you want or ask for them.
Calling the phrase "virgin by not by choice" offensive is a guilt by association due to the phrase involuntary celibacy being used by this forum that society freaks out about and anyone who calls it offensive/sexist just clearly hates involuntary virgin men. You can't dictate to them what they can or cannot say about why they're still a virgin. You aren't them and don't necessarily know their story. This is virgin shaming.
There's plenty more examples but here's a few.
Examples
1. The take a shower advice. This is advice perpetuates the stereotype that all adult virgins are fat ugly and live in their mom's basement and never shower or have bad hygiene. This has NEVER been proven to be true about them, but a mere assumption society makes. Take a shower is really patronizing advice and subtle virgin shaming.
2. "I don't mind virgin guys as long as they aren't a sexist incel". I've seen people who've said this online. Hell, some dumbass on r/AskWomen said she'd date a virgn guy "as long as he isn't a bitter misogynistic incel". Notice how she is suspicious he's a potential misogynist but won't say "i'll date experienced men unless they're a misogynist"? This is despite the fact that studies show that misogynistic men tend to be extremely promiscuous men, not virgins. If you have to assume a guy is a potential misogynist because he's a virgin, that's subtle virgin shaming.
3. The fact that when a lonely romanceless kissless virgin talks about how he's depressed or lonely over his inexperience, people online carefully examine every detail of what he says and then use anything he uses against him in the replies as "this is why you can't get laid". If you have to carefully examine anything he says like that, consciously or subconsciously, and then use it against him in the replies, that's subtle virgin shaming because you don't do that to experienced people.
4. Telling someone "women don't want you because you are desperate, or self-loathe or depressed, etc.".: This is patronizing advice. First of all, their desperation, lack of confidence, depression, etc. didn't come out of the blue. Usually, their struggle to find someone causes their depression/self-loathing/etc, not vice versa. So this is a confusion of cause and effect. And chick magnets act confident because being able to attract people so easily gave them confidence, not vice versa. Many depressed or self-loathing people hide it all the time, that's why depressed people are NO less likely to enter a relationship. Most easily hide it. That's why people are shocked when someone kills themselves. This idea that women have a sixth sense to detect your feelings is a myth.
5. Calling the phrase "virgin not by choice" misogyny, when it's not. Apparently a few years back, some 27 year old involuntary virgin guy posted a question on quora. He says he was a virgin not by choice and said it was due to shyness he struggled to overcome. But as he finally began dating, women he dated didn't wanna date him anymore upon finding out he's inexperienced. He simply calmly asked if inexperience is something that turns women off. That is ALL he asked. He said nothing even remotely hateful. Of course, the replies were full of assholes putting words in his mouth, calling him whiny, and calling him a child. They then accused him of blaming women because he said he's virgin not by choice even though he simply said he never found anyone because he was shy and struggled to overcome it. That isn't blaming anyone.
Virgin not by choice means you never were wanting to abstain from sex and just never had the occasion. That isn't blaming anyone. Nobody chooses shyness so it isn't his choice, nor is that blaming anyone. Some people also might have other factors that cannot be considered blaming such as autism (which also isn't a choice and autism does make it hard to find a partner) or inability to meet new people (putting yourself out there doesn't mean you'll run into new women or new people in general to meet). It's not blaming others. Even if they say they never found someone who reciprocated interest or always get rejected, this isn't them trying to blame anyone. They're just trying to simply objectively state what happened. They're just saying they never found anyone and it never worked out.
To say the phrase "virgin but not by choice" is sexist is dumb because even virgin women could describe themselves that way and no one would care. Virgin by choice means you never wanted to have sex yet. If a person is still a virgin because of mistakes they made, that doesn't mean they were by choice. Even if something is the result of your mistakes, the consequences are INADVERTENT. You didn't know the consequences nor did you want or ask for them.
Calling the phrase "virgin by not by choice" offensive is a guilt by association due to the phrase involuntary celibacy being used by this forum that society freaks out about and anyone who calls it offensive/sexist just clearly hates involuntary virgin men. You can't dictate to them what they can or cannot say about why they're still a virgin. You aren't them and don't necessarily know their story. This is virgin shaming.
There's plenty more examples but here's a few.