I'm constantly outside immerged in a big city despite not really being a part of it, pretty much like Elliot Rodger at Isla Vista. The alienation gets eerie and sometimes it hurts. I run into so much people in a day, cover so much distance, see so much things even if it's the same on repeat, but it's just you and your e-bike at the end of the day. Smoking a cigarette on a low wall, a bench or whatever, waiting, thinking. None of these places evoke anything outside of my complete loneliness since i'm 12, it's just like a mirror of my life now that i'm 30, but i consider myself lucky if the randomness of orders has led me to the quiet parts of town, because, oftentimes, all hell breaks loose if i have to go to the more agitated places, especially on friday. Picture normal people full of themselves having fun while some middle aged dude whose face is like a witch's cauldron of mental illnesses pass them by. I've been made fun of, got shit talked, got stares and so on, almost never directly but it still hurts, it's like their hapiness and sense of security i never had wasn't enough. Not to mention all these beautiful foids teasing me simply by existing, making me sad. But i just consider all of this as part of my job now and feel better since, we just have to take it on the chin i guess and never, never complain huh 
By the way i start to think you dont get good karma at all for working just new trauma is more like it sorry for the audacity of blog posting as a total greycel but i needed to vent and it can also serve as an introduction.
By the way i start to think you dont get good karma at all for working
just new trauma is more like it sorry for the audacity of blog posting as a total greycel but i needed to vent and it can also serve as an introduction.
