I got the news now that my cousin's wife died from cancer just now she fought for a year but the kind she got hit with is rare and deadly
Both my grandparents on both sides died from cancer.
My aunt died from cancer and she asked my dad about me to visit her i told him i will next week then she died in the next 3 days ( i still regret not visiting her when she specifically asked for me )
My uncle died from cancer complications in my arms at his house when i was trying to turn back the electricity.
My mom has a tumor close to her ovary but the dr said it is not cancerous so no need to worry ( but im still worried )
My dad is getting old and he works 10 hours a day and we are piss poor and i cant do anything about it because im in chronic pain ( severe neck and back pain )
Few more years he wont be able to work anymore and he wont get retirement plan because his work is a free line not affliated with the government or unions
My sister doesnt give a fuck about anyone but herself and when i tried to suicide last year she called me a pussy when i was taking 24 pills a day and hallucinating from all the physical and mental pain caused by the body that failed me at 19 yo only ( i dont really blame it tho what kind of body can go to school, work physical labor and eat once a day)
what do you want me to do guys? Do i rope now? Or wait for cancer? Or wait till my dad cant work anymore?
What does god want from me? He made me a 5'5 subhuman in a poor family with useless siblings and family.
Who do you fight? How do i fight against 100 enemy at the same time?
Or maybe i ll keep hoping one day ill win against this body.
it wont be grand victory because i lost everything i have.
I lost 10k, all the money i made since i was 15
I sold my car to continue university, while i was working overtime 12 hours 4 times a week.
I started going to uni on foot and back on foot.
The fridge was skinner than me so i had to be skinny too and i ate once or twice a day if i had time.
Last year a massive panic attack hit me over the course of 7 months because of the slave i am to everything around me and bevause of overdosing on lyrica.
My parents took me to the psych ward they hit me with a tranquilizer to be able to calm down for the next 16 hours before i started panicking again.
Lost 15kg in 1 month. I was 60kg i am now 44kg and eating one meal a day im afraid to weight myself because i might be now lower than that.
I can continue but nobody cares not even i care because once you reach a point of suffering so hard you lose all your emotions you cant think of anything clearly anymore.
Actually i cant think at all.
Mangos, maybe its time to stop being a coward
Both my grandparents on both sides died from cancer.
My aunt died from cancer and she asked my dad about me to visit her i told him i will next week then she died in the next 3 days ( i still regret not visiting her when she specifically asked for me )
My uncle died from cancer complications in my arms at his house when i was trying to turn back the electricity.
My mom has a tumor close to her ovary but the dr said it is not cancerous so no need to worry ( but im still worried )
My dad is getting old and he works 10 hours a day and we are piss poor and i cant do anything about it because im in chronic pain ( severe neck and back pain )
Few more years he wont be able to work anymore and he wont get retirement plan because his work is a free line not affliated with the government or unions
My sister doesnt give a fuck about anyone but herself and when i tried to suicide last year she called me a pussy when i was taking 24 pills a day and hallucinating from all the physical and mental pain caused by the body that failed me at 19 yo only ( i dont really blame it tho what kind of body can go to school, work physical labor and eat once a day)
what do you want me to do guys? Do i rope now? Or wait for cancer? Or wait till my dad cant work anymore?
What does god want from me? He made me a 5'5 subhuman in a poor family with useless siblings and family.
Who do you fight? How do i fight against 100 enemy at the same time?
Or maybe i ll keep hoping one day ill win against this body.
it wont be grand victory because i lost everything i have.
I lost 10k, all the money i made since i was 15
I sold my car to continue university, while i was working overtime 12 hours 4 times a week.
I started going to uni on foot and back on foot.
The fridge was skinner than me so i had to be skinny too and i ate once or twice a day if i had time.
Last year a massive panic attack hit me over the course of 7 months because of the slave i am to everything around me and bevause of overdosing on lyrica.
My parents took me to the psych ward they hit me with a tranquilizer to be able to calm down for the next 16 hours before i started panicking again.
Lost 15kg in 1 month. I was 60kg i am now 44kg and eating one meal a day im afraid to weight myself because i might be now lower than that.
I can continue but nobody cares not even i care because once you reach a point of suffering so hard you lose all your emotions you cant think of anything clearly anymore.
Actually i cant think at all.
Mangos, maybe its time to stop being a coward
