I tried to cope and deny lying to myself that if I'd tried enough, I could find a girl. But once you come to the realization that it won't ever happen, and that "That maybe there was a jerk-off called Darwin after all", and he was right, that natural selection dumped us and we were never the fittest.
Personally I cannot think of a life without marrying and bearing children, for me it's unbearable, like that was the whole reason of my existence and I failed at the very begging.
I tried to cope once more and pretend that I didn't need that, but I was just pretending, but just a months ago I got into a new job there was a girl who seemed to be hitting at me, I was confused but excited, but it actually it turned out that she just broke with her chad boyfriend, and was looking for a beta to be a temporal replacement in the meantime she came back with her chad, I just found out yesterday that she came back with him.
Also I was after a girl that I knew from my university, she was a friend to one of my "friends" I always asked him if he could introduce me with her, and he said he would do it, well it turns out that she came to a bar with all my friends, but no one told me because she feels disgusted when I'm around, and these assholes never told me and gave me hope just because I was the guy who helped them at school to not suspend.
And while everyone was drinking and enjoying and drinking at new year, I was with my fuckin family who laughs at me. Probably while I was giving food to the old people of my family, the girl of my job was being fucked by her chad, and my "friends" were gang banging the other girl.
I just don't see the point of a live where I work 10 hours per day, just to came at a home all alone.
I decided to finally kill myself, cuz this year is gonna suck, I gotta die, and perhaps if there's an afterlife I could see my dad, I was thinking to wait to May/June to go into a trip to the Oregon coast and kill myself there, I've heard it's beautiful and I would like to die in a place like that, anyone from Oregon can confirm if it is so? I heard that the place is now full of homeless, but I'm not interested in the towns, but rather the woods and nature.
Remember brothers, we are evolutionary waste, and regardless of how hard we try, we will never have a lovely wife(or any kind of wife in general), and children, fuckin Darwin was right.