My bully, my uncle, my friend. They have all committed suicide, and I have to commend the intellect, the boldness, the CLARITY of purpose it must have taken to do that. All you dumb fucks that love being alive-- what you don't understand about me is that I'm only alive because I have nothing to DIE FOR. I would fucking love that. What a life story. To live so lofty, to have that passion, to be fully cognizant of what your limit is-- to draw your line in the sand, and say, if I don't have this, it's not worth it-- I quit.
My bully, I think, shot himself because he did it all, got bored, and saw everything going downhill from there. My uncle hanged himself because he was gonna get divorced from the love of his life. My friend jumped off a bridge, because he FAILED to live up to his expectations.
It's actually absurd that relationship I have with life is so broken and so and lacking in purpose-- that there is nothing that can be taken away from me insofar that I would want to end it all. I'm ALWAYS at rock bottom, a state of limbo where it's all shit, and stays shitty enough to just want to stay in limbo so I can shitpost and masturbate as long as humanly possible. I never had any high expectations for myself. I knew I would amount to nothing the very first day I moved into a white neighborhood, and had sand stuffed into my mouth from bullies that were superior to me in every way. To have lived so long, conditioned as a walking humiliation machine-- what did it matter that they laughed AT ME, when at least by being bullied I got some form of attention in the first place.
I'm alive because my life is so shit, I just naturally have the delusion that something mildly pleasant could happen tomorrow. Maybe Ill look at the ground while I'm walking and find a dollar. Just even having a thought that pathetic, to a normie, I SHOULD kill myself. Nobody living should be that pathetic. But no. I really do have this low of expectations for myself.
Logically, if I were more genetically superior and I had as shitty a life as I had, I'd probably be much more likely to kill myself. Part of the blackpill is a dark-humored sense of self-acceptance. OF COURSE my life is shit. I'm a chink with a 2" dick with autism. But this ties in with ER. He was born with a set of expectations, his father was a Chad Englishman, and prominent filmmaker. His expectations were clear: he wanted a blonde Stacy. He wanted love. He wanted acceptance. To not be bullied. He had the delusion to think that all these things were within his grasp because of his father's wealth and genes. Yet, he failed at all of these things, because everything about his asianness made him weak, held him back from what he felt he was entitled to. It's no wonder he lashed out at the world the way he did. But this is why the blackpill is so wild. While it has indeed saved my life, and I'm sure many of yours-- is that even a good thing?? When you're only alive because you're just NOT aware of what could be better??
If we were nobler creatures, we'd probably also be on that suicide list.
My bully, I think, shot himself because he did it all, got bored, and saw everything going downhill from there. My uncle hanged himself because he was gonna get divorced from the love of his life. My friend jumped off a bridge, because he FAILED to live up to his expectations.
It's actually absurd that relationship I have with life is so broken and so and lacking in purpose-- that there is nothing that can be taken away from me insofar that I would want to end it all. I'm ALWAYS at rock bottom, a state of limbo where it's all shit, and stays shitty enough to just want to stay in limbo so I can shitpost and masturbate as long as humanly possible. I never had any high expectations for myself. I knew I would amount to nothing the very first day I moved into a white neighborhood, and had sand stuffed into my mouth from bullies that were superior to me in every way. To have lived so long, conditioned as a walking humiliation machine-- what did it matter that they laughed AT ME, when at least by being bullied I got some form of attention in the first place.
I'm alive because my life is so shit, I just naturally have the delusion that something mildly pleasant could happen tomorrow. Maybe Ill look at the ground while I'm walking and find a dollar
. Just even having a thought that pathetic, to a normie, I SHOULD kill myself. Nobody living should be that pathetic. But no. I really do have this low of expectations for myself.Logically, if I were more genetically superior and I had as shitty a life as I had, I'd probably be much more likely to kill myself. Part of the blackpill is a dark-humored sense of self-acceptance. OF COURSE my life is shit. I'm a chink with a 2" dick with autism. But this ties in with ER. He was born with a set of expectations, his father was a Chad Englishman, and prominent filmmaker. His expectations were clear: he wanted a blonde Stacy. He wanted love. He wanted acceptance. To not be bullied. He had the delusion to think that all these things were within his grasp because of his father's wealth and genes. Yet, he failed at all of these things, because everything about his asianness made him weak, held him back from what he felt he was entitled to. It's no wonder he lashed out at the world the way he did. But this is why the blackpill is so wild. While it has indeed saved my life, and I'm sure many of yours-- is that even a good thing?? When you're only alive because you're just NOT aware of what could be better??
If we were nobler creatures, we'd probably also be on that suicide list.
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