With the most recent occurrence being within some long distant relatives of mine asking what’s wrong with my nose (lol).
I’ve had women make fun of me for my hair. Men calling me names for my skin. My own family calling me short. Oh and since I don’t bother trying to approach women, some people think I’m gay now, which, mind you, is punished by death where I live (hold your liberal horses, it rarely ever happens anymore).
So I be chillin’ and minding my own business, you know, just trying to get by, climb the usual Everest (i.e. living another day) then boom, out of nowhere, I have flashbacks of all the little things. It’s the little things that cut deep viciously. They just STAY, and they ain’t planning to leave any time soon. They make you question every little bit of your existence. They knock you the FUCK down and force your life to flash before your eyes. That pain alone is enough to make a shy bald Buddhist reflect and plan a mass murder (in videogame) (song, this is a song) (figuratively, hypothetically, metaphorically, etc.)
I can’t even bother to leave the house anymore. It’s not “insecurity,” it’s inferiority. These thoughts and feelings didn’t just develop on their own; they were solidified greatly by way too many negative experiences and now, I am completely neutralized. Just entirely gave up on everything. I see NO POINT in trying to BE if this is what the world cares about now.
All I want to do now is LDAR. That’s it. I don’t have any will of my own. I can’t muster up the energy to bother with anything at the current time, nevermind the fucking future. I just want to lie down and close my eyes. Eternal peace. Eternal sunset.
I’ve had women make fun of me for my hair. Men calling me names for my skin. My own family calling me short. Oh and since I don’t bother trying to approach women, some people think I’m gay now, which, mind you, is punished by death where I live (hold your liberal horses, it rarely ever happens anymore).
So I be chillin’ and minding my own business, you know, just trying to get by, climb the usual Everest (i.e. living another day) then boom, out of nowhere, I have flashbacks of all the little things. It’s the little things that cut deep viciously. They just STAY, and they ain’t planning to leave any time soon. They make you question every little bit of your existence. They knock you the FUCK down and force your life to flash before your eyes. That pain alone is enough to make a shy bald Buddhist reflect and plan a mass murder (in videogame) (song, this is a song) (figuratively, hypothetically, metaphorically, etc.)
I can’t even bother to leave the house anymore. It’s not “insecurity,” it’s inferiority. These thoughts and feelings didn’t just develop on their own; they were solidified greatly by way too many negative experiences and now, I am completely neutralized. Just entirely gave up on everything. I see NO POINT in trying to BE if this is what the world cares about now.
All I want to do now is LDAR. That’s it. I don’t have any will of my own. I can’t muster up the energy to bother with anything at the current time, nevermind the fucking future. I just want to lie down and close my eyes. Eternal peace. Eternal sunset.
