Last times i was thinking about how things might have played out differently with little more luck. I guess my biggest pain is literally robbed childhood which i will never get back. That's funny but despite being a little bit before my 20s i feel like old already, i miss my childhood when i was like 9-10 and everything was "kinda" fine, i didnt care too much about anything, was living present, without worries, being happy and seeing world as selfless and good overall. Adulthood sucks, so much... and its not like i dont want to take resposibility for myself, its more like im sad that because of few things my childhood and teens didnt exist when i turned like 11 years old. Now seeing happiness of my siblings, this how free and carefree they are, having friends, family, being healthy and full of hope. Im happy for them, deep inside i love them so much and im glad i took this everything on myself, but still sometimes i feel like it burns big hole in my heart and eveyrthing i see is just grey. Coming back to christmas, i remember this magical time since like 5-6 December where i was seeing all decors, lights in shop windows and i felt so great, then snow and this time slighty before 24 December, smell of dishes, my mom hiding gifts before us, even if it was small gift i was so happy and didnt expect too much, all i loved was this time we were together eating and having great time looking at christmas tree and watching Home Alone like every year, this feeling of family warm. Now its everything different. Being outside i feel just harsh wind which keep reminding me how harsh my life will look like in close future, seeing all decors and lights dont give me that big fun as before, everything became so commercialized, ads in TV in November, shops prepare everything month before xmas, most families just sit together because they must, like they are obligated to, kids just want most expensive gifts, people dress christmas tree and then they just take picture and post on social media. Its not same.
I feel like most of us, who had at least good some part of childhood, miss that time, innocence, happiness, warm and selfless love. And most of us just want this in future, this happiness.
I'd give everything to back to this 2010 summer where i was drinking cheap lemonade with my old friend who probably forgot me years ago.
Sorry for this long ass text, but i didnt have anyone to talk with so just throw this everything out of myself, may be someone has same reflections.
Have a nice day or evening
I feel like most of us, who had at least good some part of childhood, miss that time, innocence, happiness, warm and selfless love. And most of us just want this in future, this happiness.
I'd give everything to back to this 2010 summer where i was drinking cheap lemonade with my old friend who probably forgot me years ago.
Sorry for this long ass text, but i didnt have anyone to talk with so just throw this everything out of myself, may be someone has same reflections.
Have a nice day or evening
