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Jul 31st, 2037
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Jul 31st, 2037
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Dear Sir Malkovich,
It has come to my attention that you have failed against on paper criminal Abu Ali. Now, I do hold your profession in high regard, but I implore you to reconsider your sentence as it might be much too harsh. I will state my case against the ruling and clarify further actions his admirers might take if this letter is deemed unjustly disregarded.
Firstly, Abu Ali has committed a victimless crime. Merely writing Nasheeds is no violation of any moral code. Upstanding figures such as Jesus, Buddha and Kant would scarcely raise an eyebrow against a musician improving his craft and bringing joy to millions of people.
Second, Nasheeds are hardly nationalistic. They are listened to in awe all around the globe, from the traditionally Muslim Indonesia to the conquered peoples of what used to be called United Kingdom. Sure, they were written in Arabic, but that is owing to the circumstances of the singer's birth.
Last but not least, I am sure you are aware of the Brave Inherent Turmoil of Caring Humanity's assault on the US Congress which took place 9 years ago. We managed to uproot the freemasons and Jews and throw them off cliffs like they rightfully deserved. We ran out of canyons and the bodies kept piling up, so we resorted to the tried and true ropes. Truly magnificent days, those were. Well, we (the Abu Ali Fan Club) met in those trenches, and we grew fond of each other. We shared our stories of who inspired us, and a name kept coming up: Abu Ali. He spoke of preparation and action, of despicable hyenas and noble horses, of how to never grow complacent and always strive to become a sage in one's profession. None of these men are suspects of being Muslim, I met a Mormon and an Orthodox, an agnostic and a Pentecostal. All of us excelled at war and philosophy. We made the finest poet, the most popular painter, an excellent programmer, a beloved entertainer and the most versatile actor. None of us would have reached self-actualization without the chantings of this de facto criminal I speak about. I will swear on me mum that his compositions are powerful stuff, the kind of [EXPUNGED] that gives men down on their luck catharsis.
You are, of course, free not to heed our call of mercy for this legendary individual. We are fully prepared to gather our signs of fellow Nasheed appreciators and take this matter on the legal way. Although we can make a formal petition, we thought about your verdict long and hard and concluded that if there is a beating heart underneath that chest, we can appeal to it with the sharp wit of a fox. We beg you to consider complete acquittal of the man who brightened our darkest days, who took our sailboat to good destination Like The Strong Wind.
Yours sincerely,
Lt. Melvin Namor
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This guy makes some good shit, mang.
