I'm paranoid as fuck and see attempts of control in most of actions from others. I've depression and more issues as well, which I keep to myself. I can sense they all look at me like a fucking beta they can look down and condescend, which resulting humiliation isn't really motivating but works as feedback to worsen my mental condition.
It's fucking sickening how self improvers think it's all in control through the always politically untouchable therapy. They wanting to humiliate me for not controlling life as they do makes me eventually jump that damn bridge, which I think I'll do some day. I don't want to accept sharing a world with people who looks down on me for having lost control of what can I do to solve some trouble in my life. I don't want them to use me for feel higher about themselves.
Even if someday I actually got better, they'd still look down on me and catch me from my balls. Any improvement I've actually made in life, they still fucking love to remember me I was even worse human crap in my past. No way I'm fucking bothering with women who make me feel like one worthless irresponsible piece of garbage every single day, I just can't live feeling i'm treated (perhaps with true reason, which makes me just kill myself right fucking now) as less worth and capable.
