Lv99_BixNood
fascel
★★★★★
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2017
- Posts
- 16,420
I (17m) am Asīan. My girlfriend (18f) is whīte. Her parents are very racist and she did not tell me this until our third month of dating when I kept asking why she wouldn’t take me to meet her family. We’ve been dating for a little over a year. Two months ago, she brought me home to her parents. She told me that they wanted to meet me and that she pressured them into agreeing. I told her that I didn’t think it was a good idea but she insisted. Well, that day ended with her dad and I getting into a fist fight because he wouldn’t stop saying racist things to me. Kept calling me Chīnese when I said I’m Koreān thousands of times. Called me chīngchong, flat face, chīnk, etc. And I wasn’t going to get into a fight but when I tried to leave because I was upset, he kept saying that I was too weak for his daughter and real men fight. I ended up giving him a black eye. I felt terrible about it. I didn’t mean to bruise him and I’m not supposed to fight my elders even when they’re shitty. I saved up two paychecks and got him a $200 gift card. He cut it up with scissors. After that I just gave up. I told my girlfriend I didn’t wanna be in a relationship where I’m not accepted by her family but she told me our relationship includes us two, not her family or anyone else. So I stayed because she was right.
(And a little more about her parents: They are extremists and conspiracy theorists. They spread hateful propaganda online about minorities, LGBT, and I think I saw a hateful post from her mom about disabled people on Facebook.)
Today this morning, she asked me to come over so she could give me my gift. I told her that I’m not coming in her house. She said I don’t have to and that I can just sit in my car. So I went by earlier and I brought the present that I got her. (Planetarium projector) We met outside her house. We exchanged our gifts. Her dad came out and I was about to get back in my car. They both told me to stop. He handed me an envelope and told me to open it when I got home. So when I did get home, I opened it. Inside was a small personalized card/note for me.
View: https://imgur.com/a/Sz33jma
When I read it at first I didn’t know how to feel. Then I read it again. And I read it again. For some reason, I kept getting angrier. It didn’t really feel like an apology. In the end, he said he still can’t accept me. Yet I’m supposed to agree to “put differences aside?” And I thought about how he cut my gift card I got him so I tore this card-note thing in half after I took a picture. I told my girlfriend that I didn’t like his card and she got angry with me. She told me I was a jerk, I was selfish, I can’t think of anything besides what I think should be right.
I told her that I can feel however I want to feel considering I’m the one who got tormented by her family’s racism and basically hidden during the beginning of our relationship. She told me that I should get over myself and accept that her dad is trying. I told her that I shouldn’t have to accept the bare minimum. She told me that if I was gonna treat her dad this way when he’s trying to do better then she’s just not gonna talk to me. She hung up and I basically became the bad guy. Now I have no idea how to apologize for I guess being stuck up. What do I say/do to make her understand where I was coming from while also showing that I realize her dad was being nice?
I wasn’t trying to talk bad about her dad or be ungrateful about his apology. I just didn’t think it was sincere or really mean much if he still said he can’t accept me. It’s a lot on me to stay in a relationship where her family dislikes me because of their racial centrism but I stay because I love and care about this girl. I won’t break up with her just because of her family, but I’m allowed to feel how I feel about them when they mistreated me first.
Edit: So I actually think my girlfriend made the card and I explained to some commenters why I feel that way. But everyone is telling me to leave. I don’t want to leave. I want to work things out. She is NOT racīst guys. She is 18. It is incredibly hard to go against your family when you’re a young adult because they are the ones helping you until you can help yourself. And if I just give up, won’t that reinforce her parents racīsm? Or push her into their arms and she starts feeling that way as well? I love her and I want us to get on the same page. And people comment that I’m 17 so I shouldn’t bother with it- I’m nearly an adult. I’m gonna be an adult in May. I’m getting older and I’m gonna deal with tough decisions. It’s life.
Another edit: Too many comments to address, so, Im not promising a break up but I will reevaluate our relationship.’
@starcrapoo This is how every rice father should react when his daughter comes home with some white guy, but unfortunately Asian men are too cucked to do that.
