So many things I didn't do and accomplish, fear of the unknown and looking at everything through the lens of severe social anxiety sperg. I always, even still to this day at 22 years old have to pump myself up just to go outside during the daytime. When normies talk about social anxiety it's like "teehee sometimes I get nervous at the cash register when paying for things or I'm afraid to speak up in a group setting" 
like bro.., I spent entire months of my life not going outside and not interacting with a single soul and ignoring everyone even when spoken to because it was like I was trapped in an autistic retard's body. I used to have to calculate the most inconsequential shit that the average normie would not even spend a single millisecond thinking about like say I was out to eat; my thought process as a teen would be "mhh should I go and get up to get ketchup?, because if I do everyone will look and make fun of me. Oh well I guess I'll just eat these fries with no condiment". And it wasn't even irrational to me at that time. That is what bullying does to you as you mature, you are always on the offensive and it takes years to snap out of it. It's definitely gotten better over the years as my inhib has lowered due to not caring about life anymore but it's still not even at the level of an average-Joe normie.
like bro.., I spent entire months of my life not going outside and not interacting with a single soul and ignoring everyone even when spoken to because it was like I was trapped in an autistic retard's body. I used to have to calculate the most inconsequential shit that the average normie would not even spend a single millisecond thinking about like say I was out to eat; my thought process as a teen would be "mhh should I go and get up to get ketchup?, because if I do everyone will look and make fun of me. Oh well I guess I'll just eat these fries with no condiment". And it wasn't even irrational to me at that time. That is what bullying does to you as you mature, you are always on the offensive and it takes years to snap out of it. It's definitely gotten better over the years as my inhib has lowered due to not caring about life anymore but it's still not even at the level of an average-Joe normie.
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