X
Xozzyz
Greycel
★
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2022
- Posts
- 39
Thread title: "How do I accept that I will always be alone?"
Imagine that this pathetic existence is how the rest of our lives will look.
I’ve accepted it on a rational basis, but I haven’t come to terms with it on a practical level.
At age 42, having never attracted anyone, I now know that I haven’t got what it takes to find a girlfriend. And statistically speaking, even if I didn’t have anxiety problems and depression to deal with, it will become exponentially more difficult for each passing year to find someone. So the predictable outcome doesn’t look good.
Still, even though I know what’s coming (or not coming) it doesn’t make the reality any easier to live with. I mean, it’s not just about a lack of intimacy and support, but it’s the non-existence of validation that hurts the most.
If you don’t think you’re good enough and nobody else thinks you are, either, then life becomes truly painful to endure. I mean, people have been known to suffer through unimaginable difficulties in life; things that shouldn’t be possible. But more often than not, those people did have a spouse or a partner to help them get through it. Only extremely few people actually face each and every day of their lives completely alone, without friends, partners or a social network to fall back on.
I honestly don’t know how or why I bother going on living my life, because I have less than nothing to live for. And I also have this constant feeling that nobody really wants me here anyway, so I’d be doing them a favour if I simply vanished.
But the survival instinct is a strong one. And I suppose that I’m more afraid of dying than living a horrible life, so that would seem to be the sole reason.
So while I’ve accepted that I’ll be alone forever, I haven’t learned to like the idea of it.
Imagine that this pathetic existence is how the rest of our lives will look.
