Deleted member 7448
Name is Abdu, live in Laos, born on 24.08.1992.
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- Joined
- May 16, 2018
- Posts
- 7,127
Idk, maybe it's from the 2 years when I was getting blackout drunk and listening to music in my room every day. Also there were a few months where I had access to weed and magic truffles, when I'd also listen to music.
But listening to music nowadays, it just puts me into that mindset. Sort of a delusion of grandeur but not really. It makes this world feel so weird and yet mundane, I get a strong urge to be ... idk, can't properly explain it. It makes this mundane world feel like torture, and instead I want to be in that headspace of being wasted and contemplating "existential" or "spiritual" kinds of thoughts, where I feel like I'm the center of the universe, sort of a Truman show type situation but on a cosmic/existential/spiritual scale. Uhh I guess I described solipsism but that's not really it, that's just a tiny part of it. Anyway, this mundane reality feels like torture cause in that headspace I just want to explore and feel such different things. Idk, I'm not properly explaining it, not even close, cause it's more of a feeling and a stream of consciousness than actual thoughts.
I'll never drink again while my parents are alive, I've hurt them too much when I was getting drunk. And I'll never have access to weed again, not while living in this country with its shit laws and super low wages. So that's why I can't listen to music anymore, music makes me remember that headspace, those feelings, and it's an itch I can't scratch while sober.
But listening to music nowadays, it just puts me into that mindset. Sort of a delusion of grandeur but not really. It makes this world feel so weird and yet mundane, I get a strong urge to be ... idk, can't properly explain it. It makes this mundane world feel like torture, and instead I want to be in that headspace of being wasted and contemplating "existential" or "spiritual" kinds of thoughts, where I feel like I'm the center of the universe, sort of a Truman show type situation but on a cosmic/existential/spiritual scale. Uhh I guess I described solipsism but that's not really it, that's just a tiny part of it. Anyway, this mundane reality feels like torture cause in that headspace I just want to explore and feel such different things. Idk, I'm not properly explaining it, not even close, cause it's more of a feeling and a stream of consciousness than actual thoughts.
I'll never drink again while my parents are alive, I've hurt them too much when I was getting drunk. And I'll never have access to weed again, not while living in this country with its shit laws and super low wages. So that's why I can't listen to music anymore, music makes me remember that headspace, those feelings, and it's an itch I can't scratch while sober.
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