Discussion Can I accept money as a gift from my dad and then act like there are no strings attached?

[Hoppipolla]

OK erm... basically it's a substantial amount of money for a big and important purchase.

It would be difficult for me to get a loan for that amount.

The problem is... my dad seems to have this habit of guilt-tripping me until he's involved and then being bossy when I let him be involved.

So... I feel like if I accept this money even as a gift (from eventual inheritance) that it will be impossible to act like there are no strings as the guilt-tripping will be immense and then he'll have to be involved and then he will be bossy...

I hope this was OK to follow, lol

Maybe this is too obscure, sorry. I'd be interested to hear if anyone else has had similar experiences or has thoughts on these types of "gifts"!

 

[Atavistic Autist]

All gifts are essentially transactional in nature because even if the gift is given without any expectation of reciprocity, the giver still expects something in return. This could be anything from a thank you or a smile, to a return gift or a favour in the future. The act of giving a gift implies that the giver has invested something of themselves into the gift, and so they expect some kind of recognition or reward in return. This is why reciprocity is eventually expected in all gift-giving exchanges. Even if nothing is explicitly stated, the expectation of reciprocity is implicit in the act of giving a gift, and this is why all gifts are essentially transactional in nature.

 

[Hoppipolla]

All gifts are essentially transactional in nature because even if the gift is given without any expectation of reciprocity, the giver still expects something in return. This could be anything from a thank you or a smile, to a return gift or a favour in the future. The act of giving a gift implies that the giver has invested something of themselves into the gift, and so they expect some kind of recognition or reward in return. This is why reciprocity is eventually expected in all gift-giving exchanges. Even if nothing is explicitly stated, the expectation of reciprocity is implicit in the act of giving a gift, and this is why all gifts are essentially transactional in nature.

That's interesting yeah and you're probably right.

This takes me way back actually because in anthropology back at uni I wrote an essay on gift giving I think!! lol

Random but... yeah. I think these sorts of themes were in there. It was a long while ago now, but the fact that entire essays and I think books are written on this subject shows how much complexity there is to it.

 

[Med Amine]

accepting the gift while trying to still cut strings and relationships between your family will just make you look like a very ungrateful person .
i cut my strings with dad because he was trying to force me to spend years in college to do a cucked job and live a cucked life without no meaning. but if he offer a gift to me i will never take as long as i am not going to restore relationships with him.
but what matters most is do you care about what your parrents will think of you as an ungratful exploiting son? do you have even the slightest intent to go back to them in the futur? if you do don't accept the gift or accept and restore strings with them

 

[Hoppipolla]

accepting the gift while trying to still cut strings and relationships between your family will just make you look like a very ungrateful person .
i cut my strings with dad because he was trying to force me to spend years in college to do a cucked job and live a cucked life without no meaning. but if he offer a gift to me i will never take as long as i am not going to restore relationships with him.
but what matters most is do you care about what your parrents will think of you as an ungratful exploiting son? do you have even the slightest intent to go back to them in the futur? if you do don't accept the gift or accept and restore strings with them

I had no idea when he offered it to me that it would lead to something this big. It's weird. I was just thinking "Wow this is going well it's nice that he is doing this for me". And it sort of is but... all this complexity has now been created that I didn't see coming.

Letting my dad be involved with the important things in my life just can't be an option to be honest. I'll have a nervous breakdown I think! And I don't want to be seen badly by everyone. So I guess I can't take it.

Which of course means I'll STILL look bad for turning it down, but at least it won't be anywhere near as bad.

 

[Balding Subhuman]

What's funny is that if you were a woman and a man was giving you a gift, you would accept it no questions asked. The fact you ask means you have a spine.

 

[Hoppipolla]

What's funny is that if you were a woman and a man was giving you a gift, you would accept it no questions asked. The fact you ask means you have a spine.

Thanks

I'm glad it's a good sign at least!

Yeah women seem to... mostly just accept the money and accept being controlled.

Some of them though will take the money and then do whatever they want. That's not easy though because it means you're seen negatively by the person who lent it AND by anyone else who hears about it. Plus you have to be the sort of person to not feel guilty about it.

I think that's much easier to pull off for women because they have an easier time of it than men and they're less likely to fall far even if they really screw up.