TLDR: Ricecel fears SEAmaxxing for a QT will backfire due to autism, gold diggers, language barrier. Needs advice on what to do next
Hello folks of .is,
A recent family trip to Vietnam has arisen doubts in the prospect of finding real love in the Southeast.
For context I a 20yr old Vietnamese NT born in the SF bay area with many other Asians. I speak little Vietnamese, but am learning. I try to be friendly and am surprisingly autistic and hard to talk to. I have received the opportunity to stay in the Vietnamese city of Da Nang for however long as I want, after having spent 3 weeks there already. I'll have no housing expenses, and total food costs are $3/day. This is by reason of a granted Visa exemption and family acquisition of a home in my parents' hometown. Unfortunately my family had invited cousins to stay in the home indefinitely to watch over it, with squatters and government law enforcement in mind. As well, flight tickets are very affordable between Asian countries and the US, and I do community college online. I've been disillusioned in the Asian dating scene here. Actually, I've never dated. I intend to go to Vietnam and Thailand soon, and will stay long-term.
There is a barrier set between the locals and myself, resulting from my identity. I appear as a local but I cannot speak like one. In being Asian, I don't get the benefits of exoticism nor halo afforded to whites. These facts may actually help to filter out the superficial white-seekers, but I also lose access to the culturally Vietnamese locals. Speaking in learned Vietnamese receives English responses and questions of my country of origin. The language barrier prevents me from making connections with locals. Practical Viet is much different than that in textbooks. Speaking English marks me as a passing foreigner, who has come over simply for a fun time and should be leaving soon. (Visa exemptions may extend stays from 90 days to up to 180 days). I am relegated to staying with Russians and Americans. Many employees of tourist-popular businesses can speak English, so there are people I could get together with, especially if I join a language exchange group. Though in being able to speak English with me, they may be able to tell that I'm highly neurotypical and autistic. They're also more unattractive due to potential for having Western qualities via exposure to American content.
There is a lesser chance of honesty when those of different backgrounds meet. The wealth disparity between locals and foreigners is quite large. As well, many expats with intentions to stay actually earn little money. Introductions with strangers often leads to sales pitches. Locals and foreigners alike work so much, and it's hard to hang out with others during the daytime. I've heard a small group discussing business for seemingly hours, despite being a block away from the beach; people go here for vacation! The only young Viets I do see out and about are those practicing dancing during the day, and others painting little statues by the river at night. You can always see young people working at restaurants.
Living expenses for foreigners is very low, at $600/month including rent in trendy locations and restaurant food. Locals earn a lower $300/month. I do fear that, in speaking English, locals will only see me as a foreign piggy bank. Family members claim that the economy isn't doing well outside of manufacturing, as can seen by the number of supposed college-graduated Grab delivery drivers. I'm not willing to try out Tinder, as that's for the frivolous and the expat/tourist seeker. Bar scams are quite popular on the app, too. The city is somewhat large, but I'm having some trouble finding opportunities to meet real people.
I am returning soon again and intend to stay much longer. As well, I intend to go to Thailand, with Chiang Mai in mind; I believe I'll find people there more similar to how I am in the US. We should live more simple lives, with less work and more time spent outdoors with others. I hear Thais are friendly too; I like meeting new people, though I have trouble forming friendships, let alone relationships. The city of Da Nang is actually quite boring when alone, and had very few bicyclists, and fewer hiking trails. The only person I've met in Vietnam and do keep in contact with is a big Russian dude, of all people.
I am concerned about the people to find in Southeast Asia. I worry locals may never see me as equal to them, as a foreigner. I fear the people are only interested in my money. I fear that my time abroad won't even matter due to my autism and communication style. I don't want to lean on my nationality nor relative wealth as my attractive quality, as I do have hobbies and a few friends. Despite my apparent lack in confidence, I do intend to stay in Vietnam, learn and speak the language, and finish school. I believe my chances in dating, as even an immersing Asian American are higher than that as an Asian in the US. I believe other Asian Americans have the same worries as I. I'll be overseas in a matter of weeks. I've been a lurker here for a long time and was even introduced via IncelTV's first video on Asians. I'd like to hear for your thoughts and advice in finding a girl in Southeast Asia. Thank you.
Hello folks of .is,
A recent family trip to Vietnam has arisen doubts in the prospect of finding real love in the Southeast.
For context I a 20yr old Vietnamese NT born in the SF bay area with many other Asians. I speak little Vietnamese, but am learning. I try to be friendly and am surprisingly autistic and hard to talk to. I have received the opportunity to stay in the Vietnamese city of Da Nang for however long as I want, after having spent 3 weeks there already. I'll have no housing expenses, and total food costs are $3/day. This is by reason of a granted Visa exemption and family acquisition of a home in my parents' hometown. Unfortunately my family had invited cousins to stay in the home indefinitely to watch over it, with squatters and government law enforcement in mind. As well, flight tickets are very affordable between Asian countries and the US, and I do community college online. I've been disillusioned in the Asian dating scene here. Actually, I've never dated. I intend to go to Vietnam and Thailand soon, and will stay long-term.
There is a barrier set between the locals and myself, resulting from my identity. I appear as a local but I cannot speak like one. In being Asian, I don't get the benefits of exoticism nor halo afforded to whites. These facts may actually help to filter out the superficial white-seekers, but I also lose access to the culturally Vietnamese locals. Speaking in learned Vietnamese receives English responses and questions of my country of origin. The language barrier prevents me from making connections with locals. Practical Viet is much different than that in textbooks. Speaking English marks me as a passing foreigner, who has come over simply for a fun time and should be leaving soon. (Visa exemptions may extend stays from 90 days to up to 180 days). I am relegated to staying with Russians and Americans. Many employees of tourist-popular businesses can speak English, so there are people I could get together with, especially if I join a language exchange group. Though in being able to speak English with me, they may be able to tell that I'm highly neurotypical and autistic. They're also more unattractive due to potential for having Western qualities via exposure to American content.
There is a lesser chance of honesty when those of different backgrounds meet. The wealth disparity between locals and foreigners is quite large. As well, many expats with intentions to stay actually earn little money. Introductions with strangers often leads to sales pitches. Locals and foreigners alike work so much, and it's hard to hang out with others during the daytime. I've heard a small group discussing business for seemingly hours, despite being a block away from the beach; people go here for vacation! The only young Viets I do see out and about are those practicing dancing during the day, and others painting little statues by the river at night. You can always see young people working at restaurants.
Living expenses for foreigners is very low, at $600/month including rent in trendy locations and restaurant food. Locals earn a lower $300/month. I do fear that, in speaking English, locals will only see me as a foreign piggy bank. Family members claim that the economy isn't doing well outside of manufacturing, as can seen by the number of supposed college-graduated Grab delivery drivers. I'm not willing to try out Tinder, as that's for the frivolous and the expat/tourist seeker. Bar scams are quite popular on the app, too. The city is somewhat large, but I'm having some trouble finding opportunities to meet real people.
I am returning soon again and intend to stay much longer. As well, I intend to go to Thailand, with Chiang Mai in mind; I believe I'll find people there more similar to how I am in the US. We should live more simple lives, with less work and more time spent outdoors with others. I hear Thais are friendly too; I like meeting new people, though I have trouble forming friendships, let alone relationships. The city of Da Nang is actually quite boring when alone, and had very few bicyclists, and fewer hiking trails. The only person I've met in Vietnam and do keep in contact with is a big Russian dude, of all people.
I am concerned about the people to find in Southeast Asia. I worry locals may never see me as equal to them, as a foreigner. I fear the people are only interested in my money. I fear that my time abroad won't even matter due to my autism and communication style. I don't want to lean on my nationality nor relative wealth as my attractive quality, as I do have hobbies and a few friends. Despite my apparent lack in confidence, I do intend to stay in Vietnam, learn and speak the language, and finish school. I believe my chances in dating, as even an immersing Asian American are higher than that as an Asian in the US. I believe other Asian Americans have the same worries as I. I'll be overseas in a matter of weeks. I've been a lurker here for a long time and was even introduced via IncelTV's first video on Asians. I'd like to hear for your thoughts and advice in finding a girl in Southeast Asia. Thank you.
