I remember back in late september of 2014 I first launched destiny 1 on my new PS4 I had gotten for my birthday. It was nearing winter, and i was already looking forward to christmas break. I put the disc in the console and first heard what would become my favorite OST, the foid humming along with faint piano strokes as my virtual ship hovered in the iconic lobby screen. I remember finding the location of the first raid in the open world area, curiously pondering what hid behind the ominous gate. I remember finally hitting max level and gearscore, but hated my low grimoire score, so i spent hundreds of hours farming the stupidest achievements just so the number on my player's banner would be higher so i can brag. I remember wasting an entire day grinding the legendary loot cave in the cosmodrome and almost shitting myself seeing a purple engram drop. I remember meeting my closest online friends who i would spend the next few years of my life talking too. I remember getting together and spending 12 hours to complete the raid, and damn we felt like fucking gods afterwards. I remember screaming in excitement when I got lucky with the RNG drops. During these times i cared absolutely nothing for my appearence, it was a great form of escapism after school, these experiences were more real than real life to me. I spent over 10k hours on this game and loved every minute of it, not because of the gameplay but because of the good experiences i had along the way. Compared to my real life which is just a series of bad events, my dad abandoned me, my mom hates me and is suicidal, i am suicidal, i get high all day because when im not i am a giga retard autistic, i get harassed by customers at work all day.
This wasnt even that long ago but i feel like its been an eternity, I can no longer cope as i have before. Times have changed, my mind desires increasingly more complex forms of stimulation that are simply inachievable. I buy most new games with false anticipation to reignite the joy i had for video games as i once did as a kid, but they are no longer there no matter how hard i try to pretend they are. I have nothing left to cope with anymore, i feel like ive already lived my lifetime and I am nothing more than a ghost. 19 and a KHHV withpractically no future. I cannot imagine how much worse it will get, it is simply unfathomable the idea of me making it to 30.
This wasnt even that long ago but i feel like its been an eternity, I can no longer cope as i have before. Times have changed, my mind desires increasingly more complex forms of stimulation that are simply inachievable. I buy most new games with false anticipation to reignite the joy i had for video games as i once did as a kid, but they are no longer there no matter how hard i try to pretend they are. I have nothing left to cope with anymore, i feel like ive already lived my lifetime and I am nothing more than a ghost. 19 and a KHHV withpractically no future. I cannot imagine how much worse it will get, it is simply unfathomable the idea of me making it to 30.
