Perhaps I'm just talking to myself, and you'll never see this post at all. Maybe you're still alive, and you've found the strength to move on after you left this place. 2018 feels like a long time ago, and even Ied I'm surprised at how fast time flies. Regardless of what the calendar says, not a day goes by that you haven't crossed my mind.
It's hard to accept the truth, that one - in your own words - is "inherently unlovable because we are ugly." To be honest, I'm a slow learner, but even I have been forced to learn that lesson myself a few times as of late. You'd think being ghosted four times in six months would be a wake-up call, but I take refuge in the fact that as a human naimal, I'm an unwilling slave to my own instincts. I mean, we either cope or we rope, right? Even if that coping brings us closer to the rope; we're all on a slow march to death, after all...
Perhaps the temptation will fade as I march into my third decade, wondering how to further justify a meaningless existence. These days, I tell myself that I don't want others to endure their pain alone; that they can know that someone out there cares about them, which - let's face it - we didn't truly have that, did we? Well, apart from this forum of course, but if it was any consolation, you would probably still be alive. Assuming you did what you said you did. Maybe you didn't. Maybe you're watching the Terminator series that you loved so much, or finishing that water bottle castle that you started. Maybe you were eaten by worms in that coffin they buried you in a long time ago, safely tucked away from the pandemic and subsequent nonsensicals among the living. I've honestly given up guessing, and if you found the courage to end it al, then perhaps you'll come to forgive me.
As I said, I thought I could help people any way that I can, be it the homeless, the hungry, or the less fortunate. I've been looking for places to volunteer and give back; finding ways to give a damn as one no one gives a damn about. Giving visibility to others to make my own invisibility less painful. I tried to find an offline community, but we both know that doesn't exist anymore, especially when you'e a freak like were are. It's hard to stay motivated to do anything when you have nothing to look forward to. Yet despite that, I try anyway, because I still have one cope left that I can use as fuel for life: Perhaps I can stop someone for going over the edge, instead of pushing them over like I did six years ago. I could tell myself that I did that, then perhaps you might come to forgive me.
Happy belated birthday @Mickeyonacid. You will never be forgotten.
It's hard to accept the truth, that one - in your own words - is "inherently unlovable because we are ugly." To be honest, I'm a slow learner, but even I have been forced to learn that lesson myself a few times as of late. You'd think being ghosted four times in six months would be a wake-up call, but I take refuge in the fact that as a human naimal, I'm an unwilling slave to my own instincts. I mean, we either cope or we rope, right? Even if that coping brings us closer to the rope; we're all on a slow march to death, after all...
Perhaps the temptation will fade as I march into my third decade, wondering how to further justify a meaningless existence. These days, I tell myself that I don't want others to endure their pain alone; that they can know that someone out there cares about them, which - let's face it - we didn't truly have that, did we? Well, apart from this forum of course, but if it was any consolation, you would probably still be alive. Assuming you did what you said you did. Maybe you didn't. Maybe you're watching the Terminator series that you loved so much, or finishing that water bottle castle that you started. Maybe you were eaten by worms in that coffin they buried you in a long time ago, safely tucked away from the pandemic and subsequent nonsensicals among the living. I've honestly given up guessing, and if you found the courage to end it al, then perhaps you'll come to forgive me.
As I said, I thought I could help people any way that I can, be it the homeless, the hungry, or the less fortunate. I've been looking for places to volunteer and give back; finding ways to give a damn as one no one gives a damn about. Giving visibility to others to make my own invisibility less painful. I tried to find an offline community, but we both know that doesn't exist anymore, especially when you'e a freak like were are. It's hard to stay motivated to do anything when you have nothing to look forward to. Yet despite that, I try anyway, because I still have one cope left that I can use as fuel for life: Perhaps I can stop someone for going over the edge, instead of pushing them over like I did six years ago. I could tell myself that I did that, then perhaps you might come to forgive me.
Happy belated birthday @Mickeyonacid. You will never be forgotten.
