I just looked in the mirror and what looked back at me gives me PTSD
I was not fit to live as Gollum and have all this false positivity by my peers and parents, As the one ok rock song says, All we can do is hold on, And tbh im feeling like i wanna let go, Every cope i ever had has run to an end, My parents have abandoned me and im all alone in my struggle, Its like im just existing, I sit infront of a computer and then its suddenly night again, Every day, There is no other thing to do because the pain and the misery we all are in, Just talk to girls bro, Just get a job bro, Just do this this this this this, Whats next? None of these worked out for many of us, Speaking to the trucel KHHVcels of this forum, Idc about the sexhavers that claim incel, Once youve sat your dick thru meat youve officially ascended in my book and people like me who are too ugly to even get a smidge of that joy are mogged wherever we go, Here, Outside, Movies, Bowling alleys, No where to really go, I try to take it day by day, I keep coping someday ill have a perfect life, A girl that smile as me as i wake up and a son, I guess i was just not ment for this world, Not everyone was born to win, Im getting closer and closer to the edge, Ive done everything in my power to ascend including college where my parents told me id get a GF, Multiple times i was just discarded as "The Creep" And the oh shit not that agian, Ive also been asked what my nationality is because of my seveerely fucked up nose, My eyes are so huge and outgoing that they look like their about to fall out and my overbite and teeth are a mangled mess, I was lucky with the height at 511 but whats the fucking point if i cant even use it, Is this a joke? I was given ADHD and autism aswell but they gave me height? Height wont save me unless im 6.2 and i even see foids taller than me at times or same height, I see so many taller chads, I feel what it is to be a manlet, Im not a manlet but a semi one meaning a bit taller than a manlet but not fully there, The chad height is 6.2 or 190 then your really special, I feel for alot of my brocels here that didnt get the height tho, Some might have gotten the face but not the height, Im so fucking insecure about my face because everywhere i go im being sneered at, Even women and children cross the road when they see me, Kids run after me on bikes calling me names, Crooknose, Quasimodo, Etc, If my parents have just lifted their thumb out of their ass and helped me with surgery maybe id be in a better mindset today, I feel its so fucking over, Its a fucking joke, I got 511 but all that is useless? Read problems above.
I got to pack a huge ass schlong but i wont even be able to fucking use it due to my facial genetics and autism and ADHD, I feel like i am a literal walking lanklet joke, Id rather be 5.9 and good looking thatn 5.11 and ugly if it ment i would have a better face.
I honestly dont know what to do anymore, About 1 or 2 weeks ago i relapsed and smoked a whole pack in the span of 2 days so 10 cigarettes a day on those 2 days.
I dont drink anymore due to the price and the fact that it just makes the problems worse. And honestly i dont wanna live past 30 anyway, The fact that loneliness is as dangerous as smoking 15 cigarettes a day means i might aswell start smoking again FR bigtime because it doesnt matter, My parents dont care, Hospital dont care and this whole country is corrupt, For example a doctor that manage my chronic pain would say he was supposed to call me, DOESNT! Why do we even allow these to work there? A hospital is there to treat people, Is this what i get for being born? Mocked, Ridiculed, Not deserving of help? Its like im an alien in my own shoes, I just wander endlessly searching for answers, Im lost, I dont know what to do anymore, Ive reached out to parents, Grandma, You name it, NOTHING! its completely over since the surgeon botched my operation, Not that it looked better before anyway as it was completely fucked then too from birth like it had aleredy been broken in 2.
All i do to cope now is just vidya, Coffee, Browse .is argue about this and that blackpill this blackpill that, Its the same fucking topics every fucking day on the site, Women this women that, I know women dont like me its an obvious fact, I know women dont like us KHHVs, Theyd rather see us dead or fuck a dog instead, Im doomed to being that scarey lanklet, Sometimes i even believe im Jason Vorhees, I look that bad, I look like if jason vorhees had a child with gollum thru insemination embryo because thats the only possible way to merge 2 semens as gay as that fucking sounds.
I look like a freak that belongs in a circus, Im just praying everyday that some force takes me away painlessly into the void meaning my very own death, I just dont enjoy being here, I dont want to be here, There is nothing more to explore or do, Every option for suicide has been taken away from me, To own a shotgun i must ask the police, The police wont give it to spergs like me so scratch that, Its pointless to try and get it, I would place it against my jaw and blow my head off like i saw RonnieMcnutt do.
I really dont like being here on this planet, On top of that im stuck here on this forum when i should have been out there and had a family if my genetics were a bit different, I always see the same guys mushroom haircut and facial shape slay women and also breed them sometimes they look a bit different, The fact that my brother got better genetics than me is just pure suifuel, He hates me because im not "The Alpha Male" I cant just change my genetics overnight and become attractive to women, Now as im fucked up from my looksmaxxing attempt that was aleredy fucked up from the beginning i see no end to the tunnel, My brother keeps mogging me with his family that i will never have, Everyone sees me as a looser, I didnt choose this, There is no fucking end in sight, I wouldnt be suprised if my own mother want me dead, Afterall im just a huge burden on my family and it shows, It took her 3 fucking days to reply, Why did she reply, Because i asked if she read my plea for help, The long text i sent her, I cant fucking take this anymore, I cant fucking do this alone.
Even in college i was outed as a creep, I was called this and that, I was also called the ugliest anyones ever seen, I just feel like the only way for me is to rope, I heard they offer euthanazia in belgium for free to tourists, Most that go there are french i read but shouldnt matter if im not, Im thinking if i do decide to get it and get it granted i will find inner peace, If not imma just try and buy sodium nitrite online and if i get arrested i will just try again until i get it so i can commit suicide, I dont care if im importing a legal drug or not, And no i have no currently done that stupid feds, Why would you care anyway? Its MY LIFE! Why would you want to prolong my suffering? Feds amirite?
Dammit to hell ive done everything i can, Hand me the shotgun, I want out.
Even my friends backstab me, Everyone backstab me, I am the most hated person on the entire planet, No one wants to be my friend ever, Not online not irl, Nowhere, No wonder i fall into deep bitterness about myself, I get NO positive reinforcement, Imagine waking up being loved everyday! EVERYDAY! That is far from my reality, Wake up, Be in pain mentally and physically till i go sleep again 365 days a year, This year alone ive tried hanging myself 3 times and no one even knows about it, Well to those who read this YOU DO!
Im tired of pretending im ok, IM NOT!
View: https://youtu.be/UjxtjE7soAA
Yep this fucking song again!
I doubth i will ever be happy again, I WANT TO BE HAPPY! But im just not wired that way anymore, I was happy in kindergarten, REAL happy, I HAD FRIENDS, I was carefree, And now im just left to rot, A shell of a man that once was.
I cant fathom why some of us still goes on, I guess its the lack of suicide methods or something still keeping us here, LIke a paranormal entity bound to this earth until its been freed, I guess some are able to cope, Lucky bastards, Im happy for you genuinly i wish people wouldnt be so cruel, I could have been able to cope too.
We incels really are discardable, When i see a fellow subhuman on the street we just look at eachother and think, I know bro, This is how i feel too and then go on about our day, It isnt easy being reminded everywhere about our suffering when its plastered everywhere and in the movies, On this forum too we have braggers that brag about sex, Some incels are really ugly and will NEVER get a smidge of what they have, I even heard stories about escorts rejecting incels because their too ugly!
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I just want to talk to KHHVs online that can relate to my outcast expirience.
