D
I was bullied in high school by boys and girls, I hated the "Chads" and "Staceys" for it. I could go in to detail but I want to focus on one problem here. So in short, I was awkward, either silent or made failed attempts to bond socially and once they found out I was autistic, the bullying began. Girls would call me a spastic, freak, say I would die alone, slap me, you name it. The worst incident was when a girl kicked me in the nuts for asking her out which made me heave, fall, they swelled up, I couldn't erect for 3 days and I urinated blood the next day. I sat in the cubicle and cried due to the humiliation, extreme pain, concern for my soldiers and fear how that girl would make my school life hell from then on. I was saved from an attempted suicide the next day and never went back to school. I'm not trying to blame the girls fully, I got plenty of bullying from boys but that's less relevant to the issue.
I got all A's and B's in school and I fantasized about being a CEO or something and forcing my secretaries, employees to bend over my desk for me and suck my dick on their knees under it while I worked. This position of power and authority turned me on more than anything else ever did. Of course seeing sexy women makes me horny but it turns me on way more if they have the office look(short dress, blouse, heels, holding folders, etc.). So I always thought about it to get off.
Now, I know this isn't much of an out of the ordinary kink but I find it's more often that they want to see their secretaries attracted to them and enjoy the sex. I started watching porn about 9 months ago and most of the porn out there was "Horny secretary wants her bosses' big cock in her", I had to specifically look for "submissive secretary will do anything to keep her job/ desperate/ if she doesn't suck his dick she is fired/ etc." Now when I think about women moaning, having orgasms and saying she aches for me or something like that, it is almost a turn off. Most guys say they need to see her enjoying it to enjoy it themselves, most guys say they dislike it if she feels like she wants to get it over and done with or feels like they are being too selfish. Some guys can even ejaculate just from stimulating their partner via oral sex, fingering or toy usage. Like how!?
I no longer watch porn because I realised how harmful it is and contributed to depression, I also read up on the scientifically proven side-effects of it which scared me straight. I have been off porn for nearly a month and staying strong on it, but I think this will always turn me on. I know this is okay as long as my participants consent to roleplay(consenting girlfriends and prostitutes). But, in relationships I fear women expecting to be stimulated and having their desires fulfilled will turn me off, especially expressions of pleasure(facial expressions, sounds, movements), I dislike. Do I just need to suck it up? Should I rely on becoming rich to hire prostitutes to do this for me(read the other post above to understand my ambitions for that). Should I have hope that there are women out there that may be happy to serve me if I am a good boyfriend other-wise(I might still be happy to please them if I trust and love them in more of a turn-taking fashion). Or what the hell else should I do?
I got all A's and B's in school and I fantasized about being a CEO or something and forcing my secretaries, employees to bend over my desk for me and suck my dick on their knees under it while I worked. This position of power and authority turned me on more than anything else ever did. Of course seeing sexy women makes me horny but it turns me on way more if they have the office look(short dress, blouse, heels, holding folders, etc.). So I always thought about it to get off.
Now, I know this isn't much of an out of the ordinary kink but I find it's more often that they want to see their secretaries attracted to them and enjoy the sex. I started watching porn about 9 months ago and most of the porn out there was "Horny secretary wants her bosses' big cock in her", I had to specifically look for "submissive secretary will do anything to keep her job/ desperate/ if she doesn't suck his dick she is fired/ etc." Now when I think about women moaning, having orgasms and saying she aches for me or something like that, it is almost a turn off. Most guys say they need to see her enjoying it to enjoy it themselves, most guys say they dislike it if she feels like she wants to get it over and done with or feels like they are being too selfish. Some guys can even ejaculate just from stimulating their partner via oral sex, fingering or toy usage. Like how!?
I no longer watch porn because I realised how harmful it is and contributed to depression, I also read up on the scientifically proven side-effects of it which scared me straight. I have been off porn for nearly a month and staying strong on it, but I think this will always turn me on. I know this is okay as long as my participants consent to roleplay(consenting girlfriends and prostitutes). But, in relationships I fear women expecting to be stimulated and having their desires fulfilled will turn me off, especially expressions of pleasure(facial expressions, sounds, movements), I dislike. Do I just need to suck it up? Should I rely on becoming rich to hire prostitutes to do this for me(read the other post above to understand my ambitions for that). Should I have hope that there are women out there that may be happy to serve me if I am a good boyfriend other-wise(I might still be happy to please them if I trust and love them in more of a turn-taking fashion). Or what the hell else should I do?
