Tranquil Fury
Chad Basher
★★★★
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2022
- Posts
- 300
eWas thinking about it long and hard, and realized that while I truly do feel you guys and feel I have much in common with you, one thing I couldn't quite place in terms of what made me feel some what different, and it dawned on me that many of you have basically experienced what I'm guessing is a complete and total emotional shutdown, to the point where you don't just stop trying because you feel there's no point, but also because you just took enough hits to the heart for it to permanently lose all feeling in it.
Fact of the matter is, I do still have a heart I guess. I know I set myself up for all kinds of shit talking when I say that, but it's true. I still find myself wanting to try, wanting to love and be loved. Yes, I am fully aware that it will likely never happen, but despite my subhuman appearance, I am very much in fact a human being with feelings, and I know that this probably pisses some of you off, but I can't really move past this stage without input from those who are at that point. Simply put, some times literally wish, in some fucked up way, that some bitch would come along and just completely maim and maul my heart to the point where I just stopped experiencing said feelings. I almost thought my last failed attempt would have gotten the job done, it didn't, and it actually annoyed me that this last fail didn't just make a damn unfeeling systematic kind of guy out of me.
That being said, I look to those of you who somehow no longer carry such a burden and ask, for lack of a better wording, what happened that made you just stop feeling ? I would guess that I could find a common theme amongst answers and from there form a solution to this. I'm officially at a point where I want to just not feel compelled to try and not care about love in any form or capacity. I would rather just be devoid all of emotions that feel bitter, angry, and lonely all the time. So to those who feel they made this hurdle sucessfully, I'm willing to hear your story and learn from it. Thanks.
Fact of the matter is, I do still have a heart I guess. I know I set myself up for all kinds of shit talking when I say that, but it's true. I still find myself wanting to try, wanting to love and be loved. Yes, I am fully aware that it will likely never happen, but despite my subhuman appearance, I am very much in fact a human being with feelings, and I know that this probably pisses some of you off, but I can't really move past this stage without input from those who are at that point. Simply put, some times literally wish, in some fucked up way, that some bitch would come along and just completely maim and maul my heart to the point where I just stopped experiencing said feelings. I almost thought my last failed attempt would have gotten the job done, it didn't, and it actually annoyed me that this last fail didn't just make a damn unfeeling systematic kind of guy out of me.
That being said, I look to those of you who somehow no longer carry such a burden and ask, for lack of a better wording, what happened that made you just stop feeling ? I would guess that I could find a common theme amongst answers and from there form a solution to this. I'm officially at a point where I want to just not feel compelled to try and not care about love in any form or capacity. I would rather just be devoid all of emotions that feel bitter, angry, and lonely all the time. So to those who feel they made this hurdle sucessfully, I'm willing to hear your story and learn from it. Thanks.