Venting I don’t recognise myself anymore

[Mortis]

I feel people are quick to say this but once you truly expierence it, it's something really derealising. I saw a picture of myself from a year ago and apart from my sub-par looks my mental state then compared to it now has a day and night difference.

I genuinely don't know who the guy in the mirror is, I genuinely don't know this fucking freak.

My life is just degenerating so fast that I change every week. I thought I had the worst day of my life 3 months ago, but now I just wish i could go back to october.

I think I am going absolutely insane AND NO ONE WANTS TO HELP ME. WHY DOES NO ONE CARE ABOUT ME. GOODNESS GRACIOUS WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS, WHY HAS THIS WORLD FORSAKEN ME.

 

[PersonaPimp]

It is brutal out there. Not an ounce of sympathy for anyone else, especially us. This society really doesn't care whether we're alive and breathing, or 6 feet under. I struggle to cope with this truth on a daily basis still. If people were just a little bit kinder, I wonder if I would be like this, teetering on the edge of insanity.

 

[Hoppipolla]

I think it's best to just try to focus on money (via skills, probably) and health.

Social life... if you can but I know it can be very difficult >.<

 

[Efiliste]

that's because you hate yourself so much that you forget about yourself. You may even pretend to be someone else around others or even around yourself.

 

[PersonaPimp]

Sometimes I just listen to a song that really speaks to me on another level, and just get immersed in a spiral of difficult-to-describe feelings and emotions in a melancholic yet reflective way.

 

[Mortis]

that's because you hate yourself so much that you forget about yourself. You may even pretend to be someone else around others or even around yourself.

I am always unapologetically me. It's just that I am going insane because I fucked my life up.

 

[Slut_Annihilator298]

It is brutal out there. Not an ounce of sympathy for anyone else, especially us. This society really doesn't care whether we're alive and breathing, or 6 feet under. I struggle to cope with this truth on a daily basis still. If people were just a little bit kinder, I wonder if I would be like this, teetering on the edge of insanity.

In a way, we're already 6 feet under. We've been largely abandoned even before death

 

[Efiliste]

I am always unapologetically me. It's just that I am going insane because I fucked my life up.

mhmmmm

 

[Mortis]

Social life... if you can but I know it can be very difficult >.<

Even though I was just a jestermaxxer, I miss my old normie friends

 

[Mortis]

In a way, we're already 6 feet under. We've been largely abandoned even before death

I am only alive in the biological sense. In any other interpretation of the word I am as dead as a nail in the doorway.

 

[PersonaPimp]

In a way, we're already 6 feet under. We've been largely abandoned even before death

For people like us, the only way we'd ever make an impact in this world is to go bersERk. As brutal as it sounds, that is the only way we'd be heard, to any extent. They will NEVER understand us otherwise.

 

[Mortis]

If people were just a little bit kinder, I wonder if I would be like this, teetering on the edge of insanity.

If people were kinder I would not be a suicidal freak. I am genuinely one flew off the cuckoo's nest, I think I am currently in a period of great mental scarring and I am aware of it happening as we speak.

 

[Hoppipolla]

If people were kinder I would not be a suicidal freak. I am genuinely one flew off the cuckoo's nest, I think I am currently in a period of great mental scarring and I am aware of it happening as we speak.

Is it the social life side of things?

I know it can be hard to focus on health and money if you're not getting much social support.

In 2017 I had a bit of a breakdown due to isolation... it manifested as OCD.

Now... I can cope with it much better all-round, but I do still have some significant OCD issues.

 

[Mortis]

Is it the social life side of things?

Mainly. The lack of support can be incredibly disheartening.

 

[SnakeCel]

I feel people are quick to say this but once you truly expierence it, it's something really derealising. I saw a picture of myself from a year ago and apart from my sub-par looks my mental state then compared to it now has a day and night difference.

I genuinely don't know who the guy in the mirror is, I genuinely don't know this fucking freak.

My life is just degenerating so fast that I change every week. I thought I had the worst day of my life 3 months ago, but now I just wish i could go back to october.

I think I am going absolutely insane AND NO ONE WANTS TO HELP ME. WHY DOES NO ONE CARE ABOUT ME. GOODNESS GRACIOUS WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS, WHY HAS THIS WORLD FORSAKEN ME.

I stopped being able to recognize that strange creature in the mirror years ago at this point. I actively avoid looking at "myself" in the mirror or shadows and have done so for a while now.

And I agree with you about mental state. You can see it in your own eyes. You look at a picture of yourself from years ago and you see something foreign in your eyes. Something that isn't there anymore. The eyes are the "windows to the soul" and when you look into them, even in a picture, they can show you a person's mental state. The signs are subtle, but years of evolution makes sure most of us can pick up on them. Maybe you're able to see that your mind was more stable back then. Maybe you were even happy at that point in time, who knows. I've experienced the same thing.

 

[ItsOver4cel]

Same, I'm currently 21, but in christmas when I saw pictures of myself when I was still in school, I honestly looked much happier and full of life than I do now, and hell I was even taller until I shrank a few cms for some reason. Things have only gotten worse since then, I pretty much cut off contact with everyone I knew, and was left alone since then because most people in uni are just closed off normiefags that don't care about me.

Depression and loneliness can be taxing for the body, and I'm still dealing with this today so I get how you feel.

It is brutal out there. Not an ounce of sympathy for anyone else, especially us. This society really doesn't care whether we're alive and breathing, or 6 feet under. I struggle to cope with this truth on a daily basis still. If people were just a little bit kinder, I wonder if I would be like this, teetering on the edge of insanity.

Some, as it stands most of society has grown to be extremely hedonistic and invidualist. Caring about others, especially incels is just not something normies do.

 

[Mortis]

can see it in your own eyes. You look at a picture of yourself from years ago and you see something foreign in your eyes. Something that isn't there anymore. The eyes are the "windows to the soul" and when you look into them, even in a picture, they can show you a person's mental state. The signs are subtle, but years of evolution makes sure most of us can pick up on them. Maybe you're able to see that your mind was more stable back then. Maybe you were even happy at that point in time, who knows. I've experienced the same thing.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[Mortis]

Depression and loneliness can be taxing for the body

It's truly suffocating. Is this really my one shot at existence?

 

[Hoppipolla]

Mainly. The lack of support can be incredibly disheartening.

Yeah I know.

When times get tough I try not to think about it and just focus on my health and finances because I know they're more crucial, but yeah loneliness can kind of eat at you.

 

[BlueCore]

I feel the same way

only scars remain of who I was

 

[ItsovERfucks]

I genuinely don't know who the guy in the mirror is, I genuinely don't know this fucking freak.