SuicideFuel I feel like I'm gonna collapse at my desk at work

[allDead]

I drank a lot last night. I started a webdev job after like 4 years of studying because I'm a fucking alcohol. The combination of constant depression and not giving a fuck may do me in today.
I don't give a fuck about react, or tickets, or anything. I want to sit in my living room and drink

 

[Waco]

WAGIE YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO DIE BEFORE YOU RETIRE!

 

[NoLooksNoLife]

WAGIE YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO DIE BEFORE YOU RETIRE!

 

[I.N.C.E.L.S. Boss]

I feel you, i have been a wagie for 5 years now and after 12 pm i feel like melting.

 

[_meh]

Brutal wage life.

 

[allDead]

I can't do this anymore.

 

[Pancakecel]

I feel ya man, though I have been off the sauce for a little bit now, I just stare at my ticket queue blankly a lot, only when something urgent comes in, or if I get chased do I try a little bit.

I am going to try and get an absence note from my doctor next week, so I can maybe get a couple of weeks medical leave. My seizure is still affecting me. Feel fucking drained and like my brain is fried, would love to drink rn.

 

[allDead]

I feel ya man, though I have been off the sauce for a little bit now, I just stare at my ticket queue blankly a lot, only when something urgent comes in, or if I get chased do I try a little bit.

I am going to try and get an absence note from my doctor next week, so I can maybe get a couple of weeks medical leave. My seizure is still affecting me. Feel fucking drained and like my brain is fried, would love to drink rn.

Dude same here. Unless something is on fire or brain dead easy, I truly do not give a shit. I just don't.
I've been through withdrawal where I've seen very bizarre shit, although that only happened once. The rest, I've had jello legs, confusion, malaise, fear, etc. I can't imagine how shit a seizure would feel.
Are you just kind of riding it out, waiting to feel better? If you could take the leave, I might do it. I swear by vitamin b12 tablets. Although, you'd need to be sure you wouldn't just spend time drinking to excess. That's why I don't take vacation from work; I'd fuck my shit up.

 

[Pancakecel]

Dude same here. Unless something is on fire or brain dead easy, I truly do not give a shit.
I've been through withdrawal where I've seen very bizarre shit, although that only happened once. I can't imagine how shit a seizure would feel.
Are you just kind of riding it out, waiting to feel better?

I guess, main thing is I have really bad upper back pain, especially for the first several hours of the day. I think my back muscles tensed heavily during the seizure, and now i might have some form of fracture.

I am speaking to a therapist (who surprisingly is only a few years older than me and understands all the male loneliness stuff, and he doesn't say typical generic bullshit you'd expect from one. He mainly just listens) and Im also attending these smart recovery online meetings daily. Not really for myself, just to keep my family at bay.

Basically they said If I go down the route of drinking again then im kicked out, gone. Not the first time my drinking antics have messed things up for myself and family so a final chance I guess. Even with speaking to a therapist, doing these smart meetings my mind still has all the worries, anxiety, sad, angry thoughts, and thinking about past experiences that messed me up. Now, without alcohol I can't just quickly numb this shit.

And yeah, I should move out. But when I do that, i genuinely feel I will just truly give up and drink myself to oblivion. Full on fuck myself up.

So, I'm stuck. Im doing little things to try and deal with this stuff, but its always going to be there I feel, and now sober, for the time being anyway I feel miserable. At least when I got intoxicated I could kind of enjoy things, but now, everything just feels so fucking boring. Posting here, and watching random NEET/ blackpill youtubers are the only things I can tolerate. And also eating bad foods/ general ldaring.