My obsession began at the age of 16. I as a mommy's boy have set out on a new adventure. An adventure that would reveal lots and lots of painful truths of life.
This is a stairway to misery. It happens gradually. My first year of university was done online. Therefore, I hadn't a clue on what was awaiting me. Until that date I was a confident boy. I was constantly hitting on most of the girls in my group, and chatting up with them. Even though all to no avail.
I hadn't a clue of anything. I was blue pilled. I was blind.
Next year, universities and schools open. For the very first time, I experience heightism. One of these girls tell me upon arrival "I expected you to be taller".
I expected you to be taller... That stuck with me. But I shrugged it off. But the more and more time passed it was becoming an obvious truth that height had more of a play not only in dating but also in means of respect from your peers.
I was constantly mogged and jestered around by tall boys in my class. Constantly bullied. But I knew if I fought back I had no chance. They are big. About 6'3, 6'1 or so. I'm a weak 5'6" and 57kg. No shot.
I learned to suck it up as time went on. As all the girls that I had been talking to started leaning towards these boys... It became obvious. Height was a determining factor for attraction from the opposite sex. The same girls that spent hours chatting me now wouldn't even say hi to me. The same girls that called me cute or handsome. No one sat by me. And I wish I was making all of this up, but no this is real life.
Needless to say it hurt. It hurt quite a lot. This year is my last year in university. I'm still the same height and still the same weight. And still a virgin. I've tried dating girls or asking them out but always was rejected. Always with the response "You're a nice guy but I don't see you that way". The girls that I was orbiting, when I was in the friendzone said the same to me.
I withdrew from society. I am a shell of what I am supposed to be. Floating around in an endless loop of misery. Accompanied by intense self loathing, suicidal thoughts and alcoholic chain-smokery. I cannot muster up the courage to look at myself in the mirror. I don't feel like a man. I don't feel real. I feel like a little boy. I've been working out every day. Still look like a little boy.
I'm confused. My mind is foggy and heavy. And they have tried telling me it's not real. That it's all in my head. It's all in my head? Shut the fuck up. This is why I have withdrawn. I don't even have the motivation to kill myself. I spend all day browsing forums and subs. And everytime the reality hits me harder. That there is no end to this misery. That this is how the rest of my life will play out.
I will for the rest of my life be undesirable and unfuckable. I'll never be seen as a real man. And there's god damn nothing I can do about it. Except that crippling stupid fucking surgery. I don't know.
We have no purpose, we have nothing. Nobody. We are nobodies. My screams and cries are nothing but material for their entertainment. My body is utter garbage. They don't even make clothes my size. I'm subhuman..
This is a stairway to misery. It happens gradually. My first year of university was done online. Therefore, I hadn't a clue on what was awaiting me. Until that date I was a confident boy. I was constantly hitting on most of the girls in my group, and chatting up with them. Even though all to no avail.
I hadn't a clue of anything. I was blue pilled. I was blind.
Next year, universities and schools open. For the very first time, I experience heightism. One of these girls tell me upon arrival "I expected you to be taller".
I expected you to be taller... That stuck with me. But I shrugged it off. But the more and more time passed it was becoming an obvious truth that height had more of a play not only in dating but also in means of respect from your peers.
I was constantly mogged and jestered around by tall boys in my class. Constantly bullied. But I knew if I fought back I had no chance. They are big. About 6'3, 6'1 or so. I'm a weak 5'6" and 57kg. No shot.
I learned to suck it up as time went on. As all the girls that I had been talking to started leaning towards these boys... It became obvious. Height was a determining factor for attraction from the opposite sex. The same girls that spent hours chatting me now wouldn't even say hi to me. The same girls that called me cute or handsome. No one sat by me. And I wish I was making all of this up, but no this is real life.
Needless to say it hurt. It hurt quite a lot. This year is my last year in university. I'm still the same height and still the same weight. And still a virgin. I've tried dating girls or asking them out but always was rejected. Always with the response "You're a nice guy but I don't see you that way". The girls that I was orbiting, when I was in the friendzone said the same to me.
I withdrew from society. I am a shell of what I am supposed to be. Floating around in an endless loop of misery. Accompanied by intense self loathing, suicidal thoughts and alcoholic chain-smokery. I cannot muster up the courage to look at myself in the mirror. I don't feel like a man. I don't feel real. I feel like a little boy. I've been working out every day. Still look like a little boy.
I'm confused. My mind is foggy and heavy. And they have tried telling me it's not real. That it's all in my head. It's all in my head? Shut the fuck up. This is why I have withdrawn. I don't even have the motivation to kill myself. I spend all day browsing forums and subs. And everytime the reality hits me harder. That there is no end to this misery. That this is how the rest of my life will play out.
I will for the rest of my life be undesirable and unfuckable. I'll never be seen as a real man. And there's god damn nothing I can do about it. Except that crippling stupid fucking surgery. I don't know.
We have no purpose, we have nothing. Nobody. We are nobodies. My screams and cries are nothing but material for their entertainment. My body is utter garbage. They don't even make clothes my size. I'm subhuman..
