I've been thinking in my spare time about what could be worse than a Russian.

[InkCell]

I pondered and pondered, and came to the conclusion that there are no such nations at all. The only thing worse than russkies are parasitic organisms like ticks and fleas, but they are easier to remove, and a tick wouldn't tell you that they suck your blood for love, call you "little brother", and infect you with encephalitis as a gift of Great Friendship. However, it must be admitted that there is at least one unbearably revolting "nation" that is almost as vile as the vomit-inducing Russians.

Being a member of this nation must be as pleasant as cleaning urinals in a leper colony, for your wife will most likely have gold teeth and her name will be something like Stinkitsa Cuntovic. You'll have to live with the knowledge that your country has lost every single war for at least 100 years due to its own idiocy, and that your great-great-grandmother was cummed in by a hairy Turk. You'll grow up speaking a ridiculous, gurgling language in which "train" is spelled "voz" and "dog" is spelled "pas." And all your immediate neighbors, even your nation's blood relatives, upon hearing where you're from, will greet you with the joyous cry of "Jedi govna!" Yes, you must have realized by now that these lines are written about the smegmal filth that are Serbs.

 

[InkCell]

If the Balkans are called the gunpowder barrel of Europe, then Serbia might as well be called the gutter of Europe. Or the hemorrhoidal lump of the Balkans. I don't even know. It's populated by a people who, throughout its great history, have managed to get in a fight with all their neighbors and get crushed by every single one of them. Serbs are very fond of telling beautiful stories about how their proud shithole saved all of Europe from the Turkish invasion by covering Christian civilization with their hot, unwashed bodies. But you and I know that the Turkish invasion was stopped at the Battle of Vienna by the combined Austro-Polish army, and the whole Serbian “fight” against the Turkish invasion looked something like this: while the pot-bellied and cross-eyed Milica and Branka were spreading their buns before the burly Selim and Mehmet, Serb men were cowering in the mountains, thrusting their leather swords into each other's brown sheaths. In fact, this unique way of fighting later made Serbs the laughingstock of the Balkans, cynically teased even by the illiterate Kosovar gypsies. After all, what could you expect from the insignificant nation that gave the world the toponym Raška?

 

[InkCell]

However, it would be absolutely unfair to compare Serbs to the fucktards that are Russians, if not for one feature shared between these degenerate brothers – imperialist ambitions and obsession with land-gathering. When the Ottoman Empire began to rot and stink, and Austria started falling into senile dementia, the Serbo-scum stirred, trying to fulfill its masturbatory power fantasy of creating Yugoslavia. Speaking without misplaced political correctness, Yugoslavia is a ridiculous mixture of a dog's head and a cat's asshole. It's a multi-ethnic, communal prison cell where a Bosniak is praying at the entrance, a Serb is smearing himself with shit in the middle, a Montenegrin and a Slovenian are eating dog food from a single bowl, and a Croat is sitting on top of a bunk bed, screaming in horror: "Who the fuck did you put me with, for fuck's sake!" However, as usual, the Serbian retards succeeded in starting a war (even a World War), but failed at fighting in it. Germans came and gave the mountain dwellers a good taste of their wieners, after which the Serbs fell into a panicked retreat all the way to the Albanian border, crying loudly: "Russia, please save us!". Serbs always remember Russia when they are getting fucked - it is a developed reflex for them, like with trained dogs.

 

[1337hikki]

Inceldom = discussed

 

[InkCell]

Nevertheless, we all know how that war ended, and as a consolation prize, the Serbs were allowed to gather almost all the Balkans in a cesspool called Yugoslavia. It was a mistake, of course, because the Germans came back in '41 and once again gave them a taste of their wieners. This time, the Serbs did not even have time to call Russia for help. In the occupied territories, the Serbs tried to start a resistance, but it ran into a slight misunderstanding, mainly on the part of their Croatian cousins, who, after finally getting their own nation-state (NDH), decided not to come back to the fetid Yugoslavian cesspool and started shooting the morons trying to drag them back into it. In those years, the market for piss-pots and bowling balls practically collapsed in NDH; instead, every self-respecting Croatian family used empty Serbian heads for these purposes. Another amusing aspect of that war is the relationship between Serbs and the bomber aviation. In '41, before the Germans once again smacked the Serbs in the mouth with their wieners, they congratulated the Orthodox stinkers on Easter by bombing the clucking chicken coup called Belgrade into fluff and feathers, and in '44 the valiant American airmen bombed to hell what their esteemed German colleagues had missed. Since then, the Serbian ass and the American bomb have become inexplicably attracted to each other in accordance with the unknowable Law of Genesis, for the Serb is a winner at life.

 

[InkCell]

However, we all know how that war ended, too. And here again mankind made a mistake, allowing the Serbs to again cram the Balkan peoples into a prison cell, and restore Coproslavia - now as an emasculated sfederation. I would like to point out that every self-respecting Serborast jerks off to bloody blisters to SFRY - a socialist(!) state which, for almost all of its short history, was ruled by a Croat(!!). To be fair, if Josip Broz had been replaced by some cocksucker with the last name Dickcheesovic or Shiteaterovic, the SFRY would have collapsed immediately, because Serbs are blessed at birth with turning everything they touch into shit. And so, by the standards of the socialist camp, the SFRY was almost a success. Nevertheless, everything ends; in 1980, Tito died. He was replaced by a Macedonian retard who had already guessed something foul was brewing, for he resigned after exactly eleven days. All subsequent presidents of the SFRY did not stay in office longer than a year. And why the fuck would they bother? Especially after Slovenian shepherds, cabbies, mailmen and brewers, armed with brooms and forks, first blockaded the 35,000-strong Serbian army, and then forced it out of their country, making it abandon much of its equipment. Serbs lost 45 men dead, and 4,700 were taken prisoner. Yugoslavian Armed Forces lost 31 tanks, 22 BMPs, 172 trucks, and six planes! The Slovene losses were limited to 9 dead (although I suspect these men died not to enemy fire, but from careless handling of brooms). It can be freely stated that no army in history has had such success in fucking up. And now these penis-armed Serbs are threatening to come to Ukraine and help Russia kick their ass? This is a truly scary threat, for if this actually happens, the Ukrainians might not have enough room to house prisoners of war.

 

[InkCell]

After such a resounding success, the republics began to spread like cockroaches: Macedonia left without a single shot being fired, followed by Bosnia, and so on, until the Serbs were left to sit together with the Montenegrins as two “special” kids in a class with the poetic name of FRY. This geopolitical creature decided to build relations with its neighbors by a method very close to any Russian's heart: provoking separatist moods in the neighboring countries, providing money and arms to outright terrorists and mass murderers, spitting in the neighbours' soup and stabbing them in the back. Ring any bells? The post of President of the FRY (as the post of Cuckold-in-Chief of the Balkans was then called) in those years was occupied by a short-sighted and vindictive little man named Slobodown. And since the civil war in Bosnia was over by then, and the episode of retard rage on Croatian territory called "Srpska Srajina" was ruthlessly suppressed, Slobodown had to quickly come up with new ways to fuck up.
And so Kosovo, where the war had been going on lazily since '91, came along just nicely. Slobodown firmly decided that fucking up yet another war simply could not wait and sent his unmatched (in swallowing brandy) soldiers to ethnically cleanse the unruly Kosovars. However, this time the West decided that it had just about enough of Balkanigger antics, rolled up its sleeves and began mopping up Serborasts by itself.

 

[InkCell]

To begin with, the US Air Force (traditionally) bombed the fuck out of Belgrade, then a couple of bridges were brought down, then the embassy of red-assed gooks blew up, and then came the most epic victory in the history of Serbia - the destruction of an F-117. This success made the fart-sniffers so happy, that every one of them still drinks to it, claiming while burping, hiccuping and laughing, that they, to a hundred percent accuracy, know that the plane was shot down by his uncle, father, brother-in-law, mother-in-law, or boyfriend. Some Serbian websites claim that on the same day, two more stealth bombers, a hundred attack aircraft, Clinton's personal plane and Allah himself were shot down in the skies over Yugoslavia. As the years went by, the number of NATO vultures "shot down" only increased, and would soon reach a million.

The joy was so great that Serbs did not even notice that at the same time they had lost the entirety of their own air force - and another republic. Sensing that his wretched country was about to be forced to taste wieners again, Slobodown begged Russia for help. However, the latter, remembering that the last time it had joined the war on the side of its “brothers”, it managed to get out of it in pieces, sent the Serbs nothing but two rusty APCs and a handful of alcoholics in striped shirts.

It was over very quickly. Kosovo went under the UN protectorate, Slobodown was kicked out to The Hague, where he died a few years later in a cell, trying to fellate himself according to a time-honored Serbian tradition and accidentally choking on his own dick. Then Montenegro went free, too, and Serbia was left alone again. All in all, the motto of the Serbian nation could be one brief "All in vain!"

 

[InkCell]

However, if reading these lines you have the impression that the only thing worse than the Serbs are tapeworms, that is not quite right. Whole generations of their dumbest and most aggressive retards were turned into fertilizer in the inglorious and unnecessary wars of the 20th century. Those who survived seem to have learned a lot. During the "bulldozer revolution", when Slobodown was kicked out of the presidential palace, it seemed that the younger generation of Serbs had finally realized that wieners don't taste all that good. The country is trying to establish normal relations with its neighbors, is no longer clutching a dagger behind its back, is probably on its way to EU membership, and has given up most of its territorial claims. So the wine-guzzling Chetniks have no choice but to curse their fate, Americans, and Kissinger. And then, after falling asleep in the middle of the street in a puddle of their own urine, have confused dreams where brave Russia defeats evil NATO and helps the bearded inbreds restore Yugoslavia, where they will be able to once again coldly look down on everyone as they walk through foreign cities with a worn Zastava in unwashed hands and a furry urinal on their heads. But these dreams, fortunately, are not destined to come true. And if you ask me what I feel about Serbia today - hatred or disdain - I will instead name another feeling - hope. The feeling that I will never have for Russia.

 

[racoon4]

cringe copypasta

 

[InkCell]

cringe copypasta

Show me its origin then, Serb shit.

 

[nystagmuscel]

Cope, Russians at least have more dignity than us burgerfags.

 

[InkCell]

@CroatianManlet thots?