smith
Greycel
★
- Joined
- May 4, 2018
- Posts
- 80
Gym maxxed.
Brain maxxed. Exams passes great af, currently in med school. Not even larping.
Improved health, sleeping habits, social situation.
Thought I was finally ready.
Asked my crush whether she would perhaps want to go out someday in October, got shut down and rejected, brutally. First time I ever actually expressed my feelings towards the person I longed for.
I have become so void, so nihilist, I literally care about nothing, I have completely separated myself from all my "friends", stopped logging on to social media, I only lurk there to get group info on the studies. A hardcore cynicism replaced my previous worldview of hope and belief.
For 6 months, since then, I have felt nothing but utter void. I don't feel anything. I fear social interactions. I have not socialized during these 6 months one bit, because I stopped feeling any need to get new friends. I don't feel it, even though it's naturally what anyone normal would do. These people seem just all too tiresome to talk to.
I wasn't able to get rid of my love for so long, and am now unable to develop romantic feelings towards absolutely any girl. The previous love died after 5 years, but I am romantically defunct.
Porn became boring and disgusting about 3 months ago. Youtube became insufferable about 1 week ago, I solely watch some chess videos there, so as occupy my mind, and avoid anything else like the plague, I despise people who post all this bullshit and comment on it.
I failed.
I wish I had the strength to finally kill myself
Brain maxxed. Exams passes great af, currently in med school. Not even larping.
Improved health, sleeping habits, social situation.
Thought I was finally ready.
Asked my crush whether she would perhaps want to go out someday in October, got shut down and rejected, brutally. First time I ever actually expressed my feelings towards the person I longed for.
I have become so void, so nihilist, I literally care about nothing, I have completely separated myself from all my "friends", stopped logging on to social media, I only lurk there to get group info on the studies. A hardcore cynicism replaced my previous worldview of hope and belief.
For 6 months, since then, I have felt nothing but utter void. I don't feel anything. I fear social interactions. I have not socialized during these 6 months one bit, because I stopped feeling any need to get new friends. I don't feel it, even though it's naturally what anyone normal would do. These people seem just all too tiresome to talk to.
I wasn't able to get rid of my love for so long, and am now unable to develop romantic feelings towards absolutely any girl. The previous love died after 5 years, but I am romantically defunct.
Porn became boring and disgusting about 3 months ago. Youtube became insufferable about 1 week ago, I solely watch some chess videos there, so as occupy my mind, and avoid anything else like the plague, I despise people who post all this bullshit and comment on it.
I failed.
I wish I had the strength to finally kill myself