J've posted about this already in a couple other threads, but I found out from my oncologist recently that the reason why I'm always tired is that I have really low testosterone. I'm going through the process of getting prescribed injections, looks like they're gonna give me the juice but it's just taking a while because i have to get a bunch of tests and consultations, and the urologist is always booked up for the next month so there's a one-month gap between appointments.
Anyways, today it just hit me that this has probably been fucking me my entire life and i never even knew it. I'm thinking back through all the fucking memories i have of never being able to do a pull-up in PE, getting my ass kicked by bullies in middle school, thinking im fat and being ashamed to take my shirt off at the pool because of my man-boobs (i learned a few years ago that i actually have a condition called gynecomastia, which is male breasts but i always thought it meant i was fat so i was constantly dieting and getting frustrated that they wont go away
), lifting weights but only getting weaker, asking a friend what he does to get such big biceps and he just looks confused and tells me he doesn't work out, not understanding wtf "morning wood" is supposed to be, all the kids at school and even occasionally adults making fun of my faggot voice, etc. I'm also sterile btw but the other problems my low-T has caused are canceling that one out.
And that's just the physical effects, until I start my injections I'm still not capable of fathoming how it fucked up my confidence and personality and turned me into a bitter, timid misanthrope.
So it's finally coming to an end when i get these injections, although right now my job's in jeopardy because im not getting work done because im tired all the fucking time and i sleep like 16-20 hours a day. So low-T might just be able to fuck me up one last time.
Anyways, if these shots work i might finally have that which most other men get by birthright, although even then i still won't be on a level playing field because im a cripple with cancer. And I'm 34 years old at this point, so the best-case scenario for me is an overweight post-wall roastie with 5 kids of various different ethnicities.
According to my last test I'm at 139 ng/dL; for comparison, women are generally around 50 ng/dL, trans people are generally around 100 ng/dL, anything below 300 ng/dL is considered "low", but the median male is somewhere around 650 ng/dL. I did some google around through various reddits and forums and there are actually a lot of transgenders who are loading up on testosterone blockers and estrogen who struggle to get as low as I am, while im struggling to get as high as they are. I'm not getting any schadenfreude out of this, im just marveling at how fucked up the world is where we each want what the other is gifted with naturally at birth but there's no way to trade,
Anyways, today it just hit me that this has probably been fucking me my entire life and i never even knew it. I'm thinking back through all the fucking memories i have of never being able to do a pull-up in PE, getting my ass kicked by bullies in middle school, thinking im fat and being ashamed to take my shirt off at the pool because of my man-boobs (i learned a few years ago that i actually have a condition called gynecomastia, which is male breasts but i always thought it meant i was fat so i was constantly dieting and getting frustrated that they wont go away
), lifting weights but only getting weaker, asking a friend what he does to get such big biceps and he just looks confused and tells me he doesn't work out, not understanding wtf "morning wood" is supposed to be, all the kids at school and even occasionally adults making fun of my faggot voice, etc. I'm also sterile btw but the other problems my low-T has caused are canceling that one out.And that's just the physical effects, until I start my injections I'm still not capable of fathoming how it fucked up my confidence and personality and turned me into a bitter, timid misanthrope.
So it's finally coming to an end when i get these injections, although right now my job's in jeopardy because im not getting work done because im tired all the fucking time and i sleep like 16-20 hours a day. So low-T might just be able to fuck me up one last time.
Anyways, if these shots work i might finally have that which most other men get by birthright, although even then i still won't be on a level playing field because im a cripple with cancer. And I'm 34 years old at this point, so the best-case scenario for me is an overweight post-wall roastie with 5 kids of various different ethnicities.
According to my last test I'm at 139 ng/dL; for comparison, women are generally around 50 ng/dL, trans people are generally around 100 ng/dL, anything below 300 ng/dL is considered "low", but the median male is somewhere around 650 ng/dL. I did some google around through various reddits and forums and there are actually a lot of transgenders who are loading up on testosterone blockers and estrogen who struggle to get as low as I am, while im struggling to get as high as they are. I'm not getting any schadenfreude out of this, im just marveling at how fucked up the world is where we each want what the other is gifted with naturally at birth but there's no way to trade,
