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[SuicideFuel] When did you first recognize your mortality?

Atavistic Autist

Atavistic Autist

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I remember being very young, perhaps 4 years old, and regularly crying about the thought of my mother dying.

There was a family collage on the wall, and I'd look at the smiling faces of my mother and grandmother (the latter had died before I was born) and just burst into tears.

And even to this day, whenever I come across an image of happiness or bliss (like a smiling stuffed animal), I will often become sad, and even cry like when I was young. It's quite brutal actually. I guess the prevailing thought is: expressions of happiness are pitifully ironic when death is inevitable. And it must not be irrelevant in this regard that I have rarely smiled when pictures have been taken of me.
 
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BummerDrummer

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When I came onto the internet and I saw niggalossus and he turned me into a god
 
RREEEEEEEEE

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That is a very thought-provoking question. I guess I didn't really spend time thinking about it. I was nearly run over when I was a 12 year old boy at an intersection near my house. It was on a so-called zebra road, where pedestrians get to walk and cars have to hit the brakes. But I did not think of the consequences of that event that day. And while relatives of mine would pass away, such as grandparents, I really didn't stop to think when my time would come.
 
ItsOver4cel

ItsOver4cel

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Haven't given it much thought tbh
 
Atavistic Autist

Atavistic Autist

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how the fuck can you remember so far back
I don't remember everything, but achieving consciousness of mortality certainly stands out in my memory.

My crying spells became so regular that my sister would ask, "who are you crying about dying now?" or something to that effect. She once presumed, "is it mom?" And I said in response, "no, it's about me." And she didn't know what to say about that.

:feelsrope:

I was evidently a precocious little autist and should have been left alone to meditate on these matters instead of put through the even worse agony of the public school system, where my mind was filled with nonsense such as "making friends."
 
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Billowel

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I don't remember everything, but achieving consciousness of mortality certainly stands out in my memory.

My crying spells became so regular that my sister would ask, "who are you crying about dying now?" or something to that effect. She once presumed, "is it mom?" And I said in response, "no, it's about me." And she didn't know what to say about that.

:feelsrope:

I was evidently a precocious little autist and should have been left alone to meditate on these matters instead of put through the even worse agony of the public school system, where my mind was filled with nonsense such as "making friends."
only that which is highest can promise man immortality.Only god can save us
 
Personalityinkwell

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I was young and brought into church, so like 4 or 5
 
XOR

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When my cat died in my arms. I had it since childhood.

No, not a soy.
 
Yerberito

Yerberito

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I once drowned very hard when i was a child
 
endofdopamine

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I've started associating my mortality with numbers when I was very young. For instance, I had it in my head that all humans lived a "default age" of 100, so I as I got older, I'd keep thinking, I have 100 - my current age years left as a way to understand my mortality.
 
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