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How many times I have found myself worrying about the same things, over and over again? Days, years go by and nothing change but the scenario I'm in. It's always the same thing, I'm always having to improve myself because I'm never enough, and no matter how much I try I still can't go any further in life, like walking in a fucking treadmill.
At some point I think I'm having some kind of improvement but then I get into a situation where I was supposed to be easily handle, but I can't and end up going full autistic and messing it up, just like I did when I was a teenager, but now I'm a grown ass man.
God, it's just so frustrating because you realize that all that work, nothing changed, you're still the same mentally crippled kid who haven't got any better since. You look around and you see normal people, they don't fucking need to improve anything, they don't even think about it. They're not trying anything, they're just being themselves. But you can't be yourself... Hell, sometimes I even wonder if there's a "self" within me, I don't even think I know who I am.
You look back at your past, you see all those good looking, extrovert kids from middle school you just knew they would be fine in life, and so they did. You see the ones who you thought wouldn't go far, again, on point. You look at yourself, and then you have to realize that things are not working out, nothing is changing. In fact, things have been the same all along. You didn't get better, you just got used to all the chaos. You're numb.
How can you possibly think positively in this position? How can you even bear the thought of hope? If only you had someone by your side so you could cope with all the things you have to go through... But wait, that's another problem you have. Great, another one in the clump of disgraceful things your life is made of.
At some point I think I'm having some kind of improvement but then I get into a situation where I was supposed to be easily handle, but I can't and end up going full autistic and messing it up, just like I did when I was a teenager, but now I'm a grown ass man.
God, it's just so frustrating because you realize that all that work, nothing changed, you're still the same mentally crippled kid who haven't got any better since. You look around and you see normal people, they don't fucking need to improve anything, they don't even think about it. They're not trying anything, they're just being themselves. But you can't be yourself... Hell, sometimes I even wonder if there's a "self" within me, I don't even think I know who I am.
You look back at your past, you see all those good looking, extrovert kids from middle school you just knew they would be fine in life, and so they did. You see the ones who you thought wouldn't go far, again, on point. You look at yourself, and then you have to realize that things are not working out, nothing is changing. In fact, things have been the same all along. You didn't get better, you just got used to all the chaos. You're numb.
How can you possibly think positively in this position? How can you even bear the thought of hope? If only you had someone by your side so you could cope with all the things you have to go through... But wait, that's another problem you have. Great, another one in the clump of disgraceful things your life is made of.
