Deleted member 7448
Name is Abdu, live in Laos, born on 24.08.1992.
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- Joined
- May 16, 2018
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I've told this partly before but I'll add more details.
This example relates to Minecraft.
I have this weird obsession with Minecraft, I get in these cycles were for a few months I keep installing and uninstalling and reinstalling Minecraft every single day. I do this for a few months every day, then eventually I stop for a few months and then it eventually starts again. I hate it.
More details: I don't do this simply with Minecraft, no that would be too easy. I do it with MODDED Minecraft, which means that every time I install/uninstall it, it takes a lot longer, cause to install and load modpacks isn't exactly quick, it takes a bit of fuckery for 20 minutes.
Why do I do this? It's a perfect example of my retardation. See, for years I've tried to fill the void in my life with a game, searching for a game to play and really captivate me, instead of just rotting by watching TV shows on my laptop or browsing youtube/reddit. And for years I spend hours every day searching for a game. Anyway, modded Minecraft is such a BIG, huge, diverse game with so many things to do, that it fits my needs perfectly.
And I get strong, strong cravings to play modded Minecraft (vanilla with no mods is too boring). And so I install a modpack (a fairly annoying process since I uninstall everything fully every time, takes a while to reinstall everything). BUT OHH NO, I start playing and I lose all motivation or interest or craving. Fuck. So I force myself to play a bit till I inevitably think "ok, that's it, THIS TIME FOR SURE, I won't play anymore. I will uninstall and NEVER reinstall". Lo and behold, tomorrow (or even a few hours later, sometimes I do this like 2 or even in extreme cases like 4 or even 5 times a day), I reinstall either another modpack or this modpack etc...
And every single time I think: when installing "this time for sure I will play for a long time!", when uninstalling "this time for sure I will uninstall for good and never reinstall it, fuck this game!". And yet the process repeats, over and over. BUT EVERY SINGLE time I think that I'll stop, but I don't. Sometimes I even tell myself "listen up you fuckwit, this time if you don't stop then you have to slap yourself in the face". And yet I just have no willpower so I repeat it.
Minecraft is just so vast and diverse so that's why it activates my cravings. Especially since it has some elements that I really like, a big sandbox with depth and variety and so many things to do. But as strong as the cravings are, as soon as I play I lose all interest. I even tried to change that by playing on servers, but modded servers suck and they lag and shit and there's few players and other problems, so singleplayer is the way to go, but that makes me lose interest even quicker.
In conclusion, idk what mental illness causes this, a person to keep uninstalling and reinstalling and fully meaning for that to be the end of it for good every single time, only to repeat it hours later or the next day. And if you wonder why I don't just leave it installed and pick it up later when I want to play? It doesn't work that way, I fully convince myself that I want to play it or that I want to get rid of it. And I can't just have it installed cause it just stays in my OCD mind and it bugs me, so I have to open it up and play, but then I lose interest and uninstall it. And there's a lot of different "justifications" I make in my mind for installing or uninstalling. For example, the last time I told myself "I just got to finish 1 modpack and then I'll be rid of this craving for good, never again!". And so I start playing and it wasn't even 1 hour till I uninstalled it, fully intending to play before that though. God damn this is a weird thing to do.
Ohh right, so I basically only really played the first few hours of modded Minecraft over and over and over, without actually getting to any of the more advanced parts. Cause I play for a few hours at best before uninstalling, so I'm still such a noob at modded Minecraft despite probably having hundreds of hours spent just replaying the few hours over and over. God I hate those parts already, they make me sick. I want to stop but I can't for some reason.
This example relates to Minecraft.
I have this weird obsession with Minecraft, I get in these cycles were for a few months I keep installing and uninstalling and reinstalling Minecraft every single day. I do this for a few months every day, then eventually I stop for a few months and then it eventually starts again. I hate it.
More details: I don't do this simply with Minecraft, no that would be too easy. I do it with MODDED Minecraft, which means that every time I install/uninstall it, it takes a lot longer, cause to install and load modpacks isn't exactly quick, it takes a bit of fuckery for 20 minutes.
Why do I do this? It's a perfect example of my retardation. See, for years I've tried to fill the void in my life with a game, searching for a game to play and really captivate me, instead of just rotting by watching TV shows on my laptop or browsing youtube/reddit. And for years I spend hours every day searching for a game. Anyway, modded Minecraft is such a BIG, huge, diverse game with so many things to do, that it fits my needs perfectly.
And I get strong, strong cravings to play modded Minecraft (vanilla with no mods is too boring). And so I install a modpack (a fairly annoying process since I uninstall everything fully every time, takes a while to reinstall everything). BUT OHH NO, I start playing and I lose all motivation or interest or craving. Fuck. So I force myself to play a bit till I inevitably think "ok, that's it, THIS TIME FOR SURE, I won't play anymore. I will uninstall and NEVER reinstall". Lo and behold, tomorrow (or even a few hours later, sometimes I do this like 2 or even in extreme cases like 4 or even 5 times a day), I reinstall either another modpack or this modpack etc...
And every single time I think: when installing "this time for sure I will play for a long time!", when uninstalling "this time for sure I will uninstall for good and never reinstall it, fuck this game!". And yet the process repeats, over and over. BUT EVERY SINGLE time I think that I'll stop, but I don't. Sometimes I even tell myself "listen up you fuckwit, this time if you don't stop then you have to slap yourself in the face". And yet I just have no willpower so I repeat it.
Minecraft is just so vast and diverse so that's why it activates my cravings. Especially since it has some elements that I really like, a big sandbox with depth and variety and so many things to do. But as strong as the cravings are, as soon as I play I lose all interest. I even tried to change that by playing on servers, but modded servers suck and they lag and shit and there's few players and other problems, so singleplayer is the way to go, but that makes me lose interest even quicker.
In conclusion, idk what mental illness causes this, a person to keep uninstalling and reinstalling and fully meaning for that to be the end of it for good every single time, only to repeat it hours later or the next day. And if you wonder why I don't just leave it installed and pick it up later when I want to play? It doesn't work that way, I fully convince myself that I want to play it or that I want to get rid of it. And I can't just have it installed cause it just stays in my OCD mind and it bugs me, so I have to open it up and play, but then I lose interest and uninstall it. And there's a lot of different "justifications" I make in my mind for installing or uninstalling. For example, the last time I told myself "I just got to finish 1 modpack and then I'll be rid of this craving for good, never again!". And so I start playing and it wasn't even 1 hour till I uninstalled it, fully intending to play before that though. God damn this is a weird thing to do.
Ohh right, so I basically only really played the first few hours of modded Minecraft over and over and over, without actually getting to any of the more advanced parts. Cause I play for a few hours at best before uninstalling, so I'm still such a noob at modded Minecraft despite probably having hundreds of hours spent just replaying the few hours over and over. God I hate those parts already, they make me sick. I want to stop but I can't for some reason.
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