Not a day goes by when my mind doesn't cast back to the 30+ years of hell I have endured at the hands of women. A society that decides that you are worthless if you are not seen as sexually attractive to women so in my desperation to fit into this society I'd tried to make myself good enough and tried to achieve the goal of getting a girlfriend.
The result was ALL women reacting with repulsion, anger, belittlement and resentment increasing my feelings of worthlessness and suicidal thoughts even further each time. My mind is filled with instances. Instances of horrific rejection - "do you honestly think you have a chance???", "erm no I don't think so", "sorry but I am picky", "ha ha fuck off you cretin", "< vomiting noise > hahaha", "no not you but we are interested in your friend", "< hand in face >".
How if by some chance some woman ever were to show interest in me could I forgive or forget this? I would know based on this that the reason simply wasn't because she thought I was special in some way because the above is the result of me laying myself bare and putting myself out there and those were the reactions I received because of it.