Felt so much rage today that I alcoholminned

[Epedaphic]

I say minned and not maxxed because I just had one shot of soju which is 13% ABV. But I haven't had any alcohol in a while now and have been specifically avoiding drinking it to cope, today was just too much though. I have another shot poured but haven't had it yet, I'm still deciding. I had something happen at work that was infuriating. Don't really want to go into the details. Basically it is looking like I'll just never find a job in my field that I'm going to be able to not be miserable in and that the only way out is for me to spend a year or so hardcore re-educating myself and overhauling my expertise (some kind of IT or SWE boot camp).

To top it all off I keep having failed social attempts where I get too anxious and need to just leave. I was beginning to get more comfortable socially, I had tried to go to events and talk to more people, but the past few weeks I don't know what's happened. I'm over 30 and can't talk to people. I'm beginning to think that I'm just not fit to survive in society.

 

[OutcompetedByRoomba]

Just socially awkward or autism/adhd/something else?

 

[Epedaphic]

Just socially awkward or autism/adhd/something else?

All of that. I can't function socially, I can't talk to new people, can't build friendships, and I can't maintain a life where I do things in a reasonable amount of time, even paying bills and shit on time. I've been treated and got better briefly but that's it, it always just goes away.

We've all been there brocel, take a step back and try to get your mind off it, easier said than done but replaying those memories won't do you any good

Thank you. I'll try.

 

[OutcompetedByRoomba]

All of that. I can't function socially, I can't talk to new people, can't build friendships, and I can't maintain a life where I do things in a reasonable amount of time, even paying bills and shit on time. I've been treated and got better briefly but that's it, it always just goes away.


Thank you. I'll try.

but do you have a professional diagnosis?

 

[all this time]

U need propranolol asap

 

[OutcompetedByRoomba]

All of that. I can't function socially, I can't talk to new people, can't build friendships, and I can't maintain a life where I do things in a reasonable amount of time, even paying bills and shit on time. I've been treated and got better briefly but that's it, it always just goes away.


Thank you. I'll try.

ah, now I get it, you have autism and adhd and are socially awkward

honestly should be proud that you are managing to hold down a job, many autists end up unemployable for much of their life

 

[OutcompetedByRoomba]

america still has no socialized healthcare, right? so you would have to pay for theraphy out of your own pocket?

 

[Epedaphic]

I had another shot and another gulp from the bottle, then poured out the rest of it. It's just not the direction I want to go down. Maybe I'll make some interesting and funny drunkposts soon.

U need propranolol asap

This is not a bad idea. Thanks.

Don't care about what they think.
YOU ARE WANTED, head up brocel

Thank you brocel. I'm going to try to remember this. Maybe I'll print it out or something.

ah, now I get it, you have autism and adhd and are socially awkward

honestly should be proud that you are managing to hold down a job, many autists end up unemployable for much of their life

america still has no socialized healthcare, right? so you would have to pay for theraphy out of your own pocket?

Yes, got diagnosed, and yeah. Thanks man. I guess I do have a lot to show for all of that. And no we don't so I've had to pay for it out of my own pocket. It's been really expensive and feels like a waste, but also I think it's likely I'd be even worse without it and I wouldn't want to know what that looks like.

 

[OutcompetedByRoomba]

I had another shot and another gulp from the bottle, then poured out the rest of it. It's just not the direction I want to go down. Maybe I'll make some interesting and funny drunkposts soon.


This is not a bad idea. Thanks.


Thank you brocel. I'm going to try to remember this. Maybe I'll print it out or something.



Yes, got diagnosed, and yeah. Thanks man. I guess I do have a lot to show for all of that. And no we don't so I've had to pay for it out of my own pocket. It's been really expensive and feels like a waste, but also I think it's likely I'd be even worse without it and I wouldn't want to know what that looks like.

how much is it per session? fucking whores might end up being more cost-effective and a better cope at the same time, if you can find a way to do it within you own country

 

[Epedaphic]

how much is it per session? fucking whores might end up being more cost-effective and a better cope at the same time, if you can find a way to do it within you own country

Probably less than hookers in the US. I don't know man. I've had some fucked up shit happen to me and I dont know if hookers would be enough to fix it. Therapy is probably the "smart" choice but i've been at it for a while and am still an awkward sperglord, and worst of all, am still alone.

 

[OutcompetedByRoomba]

Probably less than hookers in the US. I don't know man. I've had some fucked up shit happen to me and I dont know if hookers would be enough to fix it. Therapy is probably the "smart" choice but i've been at it for a while and am still an awkward sperglord, and worst of all, am still alone.

maybe you feel like sharing it with me once we have gotten to know each other, I am usually guilty of oversharing quite heavily, so you will probably know my story before I get to know yours

 

[Epedaphic]

I realized I have beer. How does the saying go? Beer then liquor, never sicker. Liquor then beer, all clear. ALL CLEAR MUTHAFUCKAS
@IronsideCel Tagging a potentially interested party.

maybe you feel like sharing it with me once we have gotten to know each other, I am usually guilty of oversharing quite heavily, so you will probably know my story before I get to know yours

Perhaps, that would be cool man. I fear oversharing quite often myself, I'm not sure if I actually do it or not, it's always hard to tell.

if I was a giant paperclip, id be nervous approaching people aswell

I approached millions of people (probably tens or hundreds of millions) on microsoft word though. So it should be no big deal.

 

[OutcompetedByRoomba]

if I was a giant paperclip, id be nervous approaching people aswell

AI doom got my head fucked, my mind autocorrected that to paperclip maximizer

 

[OutcompetedByRoomba]

I realized I have beer. How does the saying go? Beer then liquor, never sicker. Liquor then beer, all clear. ALL CLEAR MUTHAFUCKAS
@IronsideCel Tagging a potentially interested party.

Perhaps, that would be cool man. I fear oversharing quite often myself, I'm not sure if I actually do it or not, it's always hard to tell.


I approached millions of people (probably tens or hundreds of millions) on microsoft word though. So it should be no big deal.

have a good night mate, I'm off to bed

 

[Epedaphic]

have a good night mate, I'm off to bed
View attachment 895497

Good night brocel

Based kaguya sleepmaxxer

@weaselbomber @TouhouMathcel possible new 2hubro

 

[OutcompetedByRoomba]

new 2hubro

what's that about

 

[Epedaphic]

what's that about

The character from your image is from touhou (aka 2hu in meme-speak)

 

[OutcompetedByRoomba]

The character from your image is from touhou (aka 2hu in meme-speak)

kek, from a hentai game, right? never played any of those, but not really because I don't want to, but because being into World of warcraft for 10+ years kind of left little room for that

anyways, gn8

 

[Epedaphic]

kek, from a hentai game, right? never played any of those, but not really because I don't want to, but because being into World of warcraft for 10+ years kind of left little room for that

anyways, gn8

actually not a hentai game! it's a top-down bullet hell shooter game with good music and cute characters. But, another genre that WoW can overshadow. Good night!

 

[Epedaphic]

I’m sober again

 

[IronsideCel]

I realized I have beer. How does the saying go? Beer then liquor, never sicker. Liquor then beer, all clear. ALL CLEAR MUTHAFUCKAS
@

@IronsideCel Tagging a potentially interested party.

Based.
Pace your drinks out, buddy.

 

[Epedaphic]

Based.
Pace your drinks out, buddy.

I paced ‘em out and ate too. Going to sleep now.

Damn I never took alcohol before. I'm only 18. What's it like to be drunk?

It’s mostly just lower inhibition. I wouldn’t recommend it. You also feel sick and dizzy.

Try to be capable of enjoying life without drugs.

 

[IronsideCel]

I paced ‘em out and ate too. Going to sleep now.

Have a good sleep brocel

 

[Epedaphic]

U need propranolol asap

I might look into this today. Have you tried it?

 

[all this time]

I might look into this today. Have you tried it?

Yes, better than benzos in terms of functional anxiolytics, kills all the nervousness, worth it for sure

 

[Gutless]

Its over

 

[BornToLose]

I realized I have beer. How does the saying go? Beer then liquor, never sicker. Liquor then beer, all clear. ALL CLEAR MUTHAFUCKAS

There's def something in this for me: start strong, get the buzz, then switch to beer/cider so it doesn't get too out of hand. I am also mostly avoiding it altogether though. And that's strong will you had pouring it out.

Also in my experience propranolol can be useful for moderate anxiety physical symptoms only: it is not a top-tier drug.

 

[RuudVanNistelrooy]

Gonna drink beer and apple schnaps on Sunday.

 

[Epedaphic]

There's def something in this for me: start strong, get the buzz, then switch to beer/cider so it doesn't get too out of hand. I am also mostly avoiding it altogether though. And that's strong will you had pouring it out.

Also in my experience propranolol can be useful for moderate anxiety physical symptoms only: it is not a top-tier drug.

I ended up not drinking the beer actually. That’s a good idea for pacing… I tend to get way too intoxicated these days I think because of my social anxiety. And thanks man. I’m not really tempted to go back to it today luckily.

Thanks for the info on propranolol.

Gonna drink beer and apple schnaps on Sunday.

Never had apple schnapps before. What’s it taste like?

 

[RuudVanNistelrooy]

I ended up not drinking the beer actually. That’s a good idea for pacing… I tend to get way too intoxicated these days I think because of my social anxiety. And thanks man. I’m not really tempted to go back to it today luckily.

Thanks for the info on propranolol.

Never had apple schnapps before. What’s it taste like?

Usually distilled apples in copper pots. It is strong but has a nice aftertaste. It is popular across the Balkan and now even Germans love it.

 

[Epedaphic]

Usually distilled apples in copper pots. It is strong but has a nice aftertaste. It is popular across the Balkan and now even Germans love it.

Cool, I might go look for some. Is it mixed with anything usually?

 

[RuudVanNistelrooy]

Cool, I might go look for some. Is it mixed with anything usually?

No, it's not a liqueur, you have to consume it plain in small glasses. I bought this brand that belongs to the far right Serbian politician Milorad Dodik, it is popular in Russia but since there are a lot of Orthodox people here too it's getting increasingly popular too.
It's not cheap, 18.50 euros but you can't expect quality for a low price. He can provide quality for a decent price.

 

[cvh1991]

I say minned and not maxxed because I just had one shot of soju which is 13% ABV. But I haven't had any alcohol in a while now and have been specifically avoiding drinking it to cope, today was just too much though. I have another shot poured but haven't had it yet, I'm still deciding. I had something happen at work that was infuriating. Don't really want to go into the details. Basically it is looking like I'll just never find a job in my field that I'm going to be able to not be miserable in and that the only way out is for me to spend a year or so hardcore re-educating myself and overhauling my expertise (some kind of IT or SWE boot camp).

To top it all off I keep having failed social attempts where I get too anxious and need to just leave. I was beginning to get more comfortable socially, I had tried to go to events and talk to more people, but the past few weeks I don't know what's happened. I'm over 30 and can't talk to people. I'm beginning to think that I'm just not fit to survive in society.

Alcohol is a good cope so long as you’re not killin yourself. A beer just takes the edge off and makes life a bit more bearable for a minute. I’m at the point though where I just don’t feel anything and I can’t enjoy anything because I’m so crushed by life and hopelessness that I basically have to drink to feel any kind of momentary joy.

Blood orange Moscow mules are a god send.

For your failed social attempts that sucks man. For me it’s less that I get anxiety and more that I know the outcome before it even happens have been through this shit so many times. Well I guess that’s not totally true.

For work I know fucking exactly what you mean. I’ve been looking for months and I have a lot of work experience in my field. Related, I hate corporate managers so much it’s unreal — most do absolutely nothing and make working there pure misery in order to justify their own existence. If all corporate managers were fired tomorrow it’s my belief that you’d find very little actually changes. But damn if that isn’t the racket to get into — wish I had some nepo connection to land a corporate management job as it seems to be the dream as far getting paid a lot for doing very little work goes.

I always laugh when I read about the fall of the Soviet Union because they always talk about how part of the problem was breakdown of merit hiring and how the powerful just gave jobs or entire companies to their friends. I laugh because that’s basically what happens in the US too — there are too few “good” jobs and the ones they do exist are given based on connections and nepotism more often than not. For example Dave Ramsey is one of those right wing finance talking heads and he always bleats on about how useless meme degrees are and how it’s people own fault they can’t get hired and such. But then he’s a hypocrite because he gave fancy good paying high ranking jobs to all his children — many of whom got absolute meme degrees that he’s openly mocked for other people. Basically the system is a joke.

 

[med-cel]

Soju is a good cope brocel

 

[Celasius]

Hope you’re doing better today.

 

[Epedaphic]

Alcohol is a good cope so long as you’re not killin yourself. A beer just takes the edge off and makes life a bit more bearable for a minute. I’m at the point though where I just don’t feel anything and I can’t enjoy anything because I’m so crushed by life and hopelessness that I basically have to drink to feel any kind of momentary joy.

Blood orange Moscow mules are a god send.

For your failed social attempts for me it’s less that I get anxiety and more that I know the outcome before it even happens have been through this shit so many times. Well I guess that’s not totally true.

For work I know fucking exactly what you mean. I’ve been looking for another job for months, hundreds of apps, nothing. At my job today I told my boss that their boss sent me something to do directly that I needed to look at and I’ve also got like 4 other critical things that need doing now and they said “That should take by Friday”. Bitch are you insane? This will take like two weeks minimum. I hate managers so much it’s unreal. They do nothing and constantly set impossible deadlines that we know are impossible from the moment they’re set. They just ride you into the ground with the workloads here — I had to work on my weekend and they sent me a critical problem at 9 fucking 30 pm I had to look at and have back by the morning. In France calling your side of work hours like that is illegal but here we have zero employee protections so if you don’t do it they’ll just fire you, it’s insane. No extra pay for this either, not even a thank you. These people don’t appreciate you at all and they look down on the people actually doing the real work that keeps the company afloat. I mean damn who’s dick did they have to suck to land such a cushy job where they don’t fucking do anything?

I recognize that at least I have a job for now but they might fire me after they see the “”””anonymous””” employee surveys tbh. Turns out I’m a retard and those aren’t really anonymous like the employer claims.

I hear you man. Alcohol is also a way for me to feel momentary joy. It does affect my sleep negatively and I feel shitty the next day even if I'm not hungover, so the majority of the time I just choose to live joylessly than go through that. I will definitely look into blood orange moscow mules, I like the regular ones.

That work situation sounds terrible man, I'm sorry they treat you like shit like that. I hate middle managers so fucking much for those reasons. They don't do shit and just delegate tasks to other people, which takes what, an hour or two of their day? And they get paid for a full workday, often more than us, the people actually doing the work.

Soju is a good cope brocel

It's good stuff. I may get more sometime soon, don't know. I don't like keeping alcohol around

Hope you’re doing better today.

Thanks, I'm doing alright lately, stressed but getting through things. Hope you're alright these days.

No, it's not a liqueur, you have to consume it plain in small glasses. I bought this brand that belongs to the far right Serbian politician Milorad Dodik, it is popular in Russia but since there are a lot of Orthodox people here too it's getting increasingly popular too.
It's not cheap, 18.50 euros but you can't expect quality for a low price. He can provide quality for a decent price.

View attachment 896539

I forgot about this thanks for the info, I am gonna see if I can find it around here

 

[cvh1991]

I hear you man. Alcohol is also a way for me to feel momentary joy. It does affect my sleep negatively and I feel shitty the next day even if I'm not hungover, so the majority of the time I just choose to live joylessly than go through that. I will definitely look into blood orange moscow mules, I like the regular ones.

That work situation sounds terrible man, I'm sorry they treat you like shit like that. I hate middle managers so fucking much for those reasons. They don't do shit and just delegate tasks to other people, which takes what, an hour or two of their day? And they get paid for a full workday, often more than us, the people actually doing the work.


It's good stuff. I may get more sometime soon, don't know. I don't like keeping alcohol around


Thanks, I'm doing alright lately, stressed but getting through things. Hope you're alright these days.


I forgot about this thanks for the info, I am gonna see if I can find it around here

Haven’t had Soju before will have to try it out, thanks man. I hope you find a good job man, it’s really tough out there right now.

You nailed it with what you said about managers by the way, dead spot on — and the thing is most managers know it too which is why they make these pointless meetings or otherwise try to feign as if they actually are doing something when they’re not.

Wouldn’t even care if they actually were nice people and treated their staff decently but most do not. What they actually do is if it’s “their” boss they’re nice and kind and they dick suck and they mirror and parrot what their boss what’s to hear. But then to their underlings they turn into a totally different person (especially my female managers have been two faced like this). Working in corporate really shows you how status and ladder positioning impacts how others treat you. It is very blackpilling if you’re even an average young man who lacks connections I’d say.

Side note I edited that initial comment you’d replied to since I felt the early version was sort of an unhinged rant sorry bout that

 

[Epedaphic]

Yes, better than benzos in terms of functional anxiolytics, kills all the nervousness, worth it for sure

I tried it btw, it’s pretty nice stuff. It’s not enough to get me low inhib to start talking to people and shit but it makes it so much more bearable when I do have to.

Side note I edited that initial comment you’d replied to since I felt the early version was sort of an unhinged rant sorry bout that

I can relate heavily to this

Wouldn’t even care if they actually were nice people and treated their staff decently but most do not.

Same here. I think that’s one of two qualities that can give me at least some respect for someone in a position of power, to where I can tolerate being told what to do by them. The other quality is that they work their ass off, themselves.

 

[all this time]

I tried it btw, it’s pretty nice stuff. It’s not enough to get me low inhib to start talking to people and shit but it makes it so much more bearable when I do have to.

Yeah it’s not gonna make you low inhib, but it rids you of the physical symptoms like blushing n shit which is more important imo and where most of the embarrassment comes from

 

[cvh1991]

I can relate heavily to this

Same here. I think that’s one of two qualities that can give me at least some respect for someone in a position of power, to where I can tolerate being told what to do by them. The other quality is that they work their ass off, themselves.

I hear you man, I had a manager in the past that was ex Marines and he had high expectations but also worked ridiculously hard and was so professional it was like he was grown in a lab. He hated it though and retired. Decent managers exist but my experience they’re pretty rare.

And yeah if things are hard but the company makes an effort to even just thank you and make you feel like your work is appreciated that can go a long way — instead most seem to take the approach of “fear” and making their staff feel like their productivity is never enough and that everyone is constantly on the verge of termination.

People are just tools to modern corps — it’s not a family, they don’t care about you, all that matters is their bottom line and compensating as little as possible (also this is why everywhere is only hiring part time so that they don’t have to pay any benefits/healthcare). But they “pretend” to care and have presentations on woke initiatives and such. Corporate America is a soulless husk and it’s no wonder young people in general are all miserable. Honestly I wish I could be part of a small family business/that my family had one because then people actually care about each other and have an incentive to train each other/people train their kids and are more patient with them and so on. In general I find private companies are superior because they’re able to actually have values if so inclined.