Right now I'm at the point where I think about nothing but race, looks, and ending my life. But it wasn't always like this. Senior year of highschool, I didn't really care much about my appearance, ethnicity, and suicide never once crossed my mind. I never considered myself ugly and pretty much saw myself as no different than a white guy. Granted, I had major insecurities before then but this was just a simple teenage phase. After college started though, I was confused. Girls were rejecting me for seemingly no reason. I thought I was doing everything right.
Over the next few years, my social awareness grew and I simultaneously learned of the blackpill through PSLI communities. I began to lose all hope and this time it was different from when I was a teen. I began to realize that there were quantifiable, OBJECTIVE reasons why I wasn't good looking. For example: how big is my nose in relation to my face? How strong is my jawline? What is my PSL rating? And most importantly-and this is where the aspect of social understanding came in-how I was perceived by women in real life. The number of dates, kisses, daily IOIs, and past girlfriends? ZERO. Objective proof is a bitch.
I could not come to terms that after having been cheated out of a proper childhood over things that were out of my control, that I was now also going to be cheated out of love and affection over other things that were outside my control. There is no turning back...once you see the blackpill, you can't unsee it.
Over the next few years, my social awareness grew and I simultaneously learned of the blackpill through PSLI communities. I began to lose all hope and this time it was different from when I was a teen. I began to realize that there were quantifiable, OBJECTIVE reasons why I wasn't good looking. For example: how big is my nose in relation to my face? How strong is my jawline? What is my PSL rating? And most importantly-and this is where the aspect of social understanding came in-how I was perceived by women in real life. The number of dates, kisses, daily IOIs, and past girlfriends? ZERO. Objective proof is a bitch.
I could not come to terms that after having been cheated out of a proper childhood over things that were out of my control, that I was now also going to be cheated out of love and affection over other things that were outside my control. There is no turning back...once you see the blackpill, you can't unsee it.
