Venting I hate being autistic around people

[Robb97]

I'm not sure what it is, but I suspect I have autism (I was diagnosed with it) and CPTSD from traumatic childhood experiences. Together with the fact that I haven't socialized for many years now.

As I get older I get even weirder. People can tell within seconds that I'm weird and over time some started to treat me a bit like a special needs kid.

My voice is weird, my intonation is off. When I say anything even a simple "good morning" I think people hear the repressed fear and its defense mechanisms. Sometimes it sounds almost accusing, kind of passive aggressive. Often I don't know what to say or answer to people. Except when it's something technical where there is a right and a wrong answer. Most people can talk in a fluid way and depending on their generation they use similar words and phrases. It's like I'm not part of any generation.

I wish I could at least make friends. It would make inceldom more bearable. But I'm trapped with my autistic brain. I've tried phenibut and pregabalin as well as a lot of other drugs but the magical change that a lot of people write about didn't happen in my case. I get an even bigger desire to connect with others while I'm on these substances but I'm still as awkward as before.

When I'm around others I am less relaxed than if I'm alone. I don't know if that's normal, maybe to some extent it is. When I look into someone's face my mind goes blank. Shouting around other people is also very difficult.

I think Xanax helped a little. If I could be on it everyday for half a year maybe I could become more NT. It seems like xanax is great for exposure therapy because I just do things instead of second guessing.

I'm trying to fix my social anxiety or CPTSD but I suspect it's impossible.

 

[Romaniancel']

Quite similar to me.

 

[asdfghjqbbbb]

alcohol?

 

[StephenK]

I'm not sure what it is, but I suspect I have autism (I was diagnosed with it) and CPTSD from traumatic childhood experiences. Together with the fact that I haven't socialized for many years now.

As I get older I get even weirder. People can tell within seconds that I'm weird and over time some started to treat me a bit like a special needs kid.

My voice is weird, my intonation is off. When I say anything even a simple "good morning" I think people hear the repressed fear and its defense mechanisms. Sometimes it sounds almost accusing, kind of passive aggressive. Often I don't know what to say or answer to people. Except when it's something technical where there is a right and a wrong answer. Most people can talk in a fluid way and depending on their generation they use similar words and phrases. It's like I'm not part of any generation.

I wish I could at least make friends. It would make inceldom more bearable. But I'm trapped with my autistic brain. I've tried phenibut and pregabalin as well as a lot of other drugs but the magical change that a lot of people write about didn't happen in my case. I get an even bigger desire to connect with others while I'm on these substances but I'm still as awkward as before.

When I'm around others I am less relaxed than if I'm alone. I don't know if that's normal, maybe to some extent it is. When I look into someone's face my mind goes blank. Shouting around other people is also very difficult.

I think Xanax helped a little. If I could be on it everyday for half a year maybe I could become more NT. It seems like xanax is great for exposure therapy because I just do things instead of second guessing.

I'm trying to fix my social anxiety or CPTSD but I suspect it's impossible.

I feel quite the same, there's something in my voice, posture and speech that makes people treat me like a kid, Pretty much never been respected and when people get too confident around me 99% of the time im gonna end up being humiliated or disrespected, all i wish is death to the people that threat me like a child

 

[gummybearcel]

Life is hell for autists.
You are not the same species as normgroids. They view you as an extant plague to be suppressed at all times.
The unnatural skittering of eyes, flat cadence, lack of social conformity; autists are enigmas that are unpredictable, to normies. They do not like that unpredictability. It makes them on edge around you, even if you try and 'fit in'.
I suspect a good chunk of this forum are autistic as the Non-NT pill is brutal and immutable. Non-NT pill is intertwined with the facepill. Autists tend to have flatter, broader faces, with anomalous philtrums. It's not fair

I'm trying to fix my social anxiety or CPTSD but I suspect it's impossible.

Brutal. As someone with CPTSD and Autism it's almost like being 2 degrees removed from normal brain patterns. I find it hard to even relate to my autistic cohort, and those with CPTSD often have different traumas/responses that make relating impossible, too.

I wish you all the best on your journey brocel. Personally I have not heard of using drugs like phenibut and pregabalin so I will look into that.