Robb97
Voicecel
★★★★★
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2023
- Posts
- 4,992
I'm not sure what it is, but I suspect I have autism (I was diagnosed with it) and CPTSD from traumatic childhood experiences. Together with the fact that I haven't socialized for many years now.
As I get older I get even weirder. People can tell within seconds that I'm weird and over time some started to treat me a bit like a special needs kid.
My voice is weird, my intonation is off. When I say anything even a simple "good morning" I think people hear the repressed fear and its defense mechanisms. Sometimes it sounds almost accusing, kind of passive aggressive. Often I don't know what to say or answer to people. Except when it's something technical where there is a right and a wrong answer. Most people can talk in a fluid way and depending on their generation they use similar words and phrases. It's like I'm not part of any generation.
I wish I could at least make friends. It would make inceldom more bearable. But I'm trapped with my autistic brain. I've tried phenibut and pregabalin as well as a lot of other drugs but the magical change that a lot of people write about didn't happen in my case. I get an even bigger desire to connect with others while I'm on these substances but I'm still as awkward as before.
When I'm around others I am less relaxed than if I'm alone. I don't know if that's normal, maybe to some extent it is. When I look into someone's face my mind goes blank. Shouting around other people is also very difficult.
I think Xanax helped a little. If I could be on it everyday for half a year maybe I could become more NT. It seems like xanax is great for exposure therapy because I just do things instead of second guessing.
I'm trying to fix my social anxiety or CPTSD but I suspect it's impossible.
As I get older I get even weirder. People can tell within seconds that I'm weird and over time some started to treat me a bit like a special needs kid.
My voice is weird, my intonation is off. When I say anything even a simple "good morning" I think people hear the repressed fear and its defense mechanisms. Sometimes it sounds almost accusing, kind of passive aggressive. Often I don't know what to say or answer to people. Except when it's something technical where there is a right and a wrong answer. Most people can talk in a fluid way and depending on their generation they use similar words and phrases. It's like I'm not part of any generation.
I wish I could at least make friends. It would make inceldom more bearable. But I'm trapped with my autistic brain. I've tried phenibut and pregabalin as well as a lot of other drugs but the magical change that a lot of people write about didn't happen in my case. I get an even bigger desire to connect with others while I'm on these substances but I'm still as awkward as before.
When I'm around others I am less relaxed than if I'm alone. I don't know if that's normal, maybe to some extent it is. When I look into someone's face my mind goes blank. Shouting around other people is also very difficult.
I think Xanax helped a little. If I could be on it everyday for half a year maybe I could become more NT. It seems like xanax is great for exposure therapy because I just do things instead of second guessing.
I'm trying to fix my social anxiety or CPTSD but I suspect it's impossible.
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