Yeah the immorality of prostitution I think played a huge part in my anxiety issues. It just seems so terribly wrong. From the minute you make the call to actually undressing. I felt VERY nervous the whole time.
The doll doesn't seem so bad though. Like I believe in God, and I would think, in my circumstances, any just God would understand why I would buy a doll.
I have a spinal injury and a bunch of wasted joints, too. I had major surgeries on three of my limbs and the surgeries actually made them worse. I receive a pension now from my old employer because my injuries were work related. Its not much, but its enough for me. It definitely wouldn't be enough for family, no where close. But the bachelor lifestyle is working out alright for me, with my income. I hope that some day I might be able to do some at-home work, if I can ever get the pain under control. I've been on opiates since 2014. The thing about severe chronic pain is it really messes up your concentration. Like I can't even play a video game for more than 10-15 minute at a time, because the pain gets in the way of actually enjoying it. My hobbies are pretty simple though - like I collect matchbox and hotwheels cars and 80s game consoles and video games. I also like to buy old horror VHS tapes. Heh, I am very very neckbeard.
My pelvis, upper back, and joints still hurt ~a lot~ and theres still major issues there. Like I don't think i am going to live for more than 10 years or so. I hope that my pain management doctor gets some kind of drug cocktail right, or maybe a morphine pump, or something like that. I want to go back to college and do a double major in history and creative writing. I know the pay won't be much, but I hope that some day maybe I'll write something that someone wants to publish. That would be very personally redeeming.
