I actually hoped this would happen whenever I was inexperienced. I felt that if someone came into my house to rob and murder me, back then, I would have asked them to at least rape me so that I didn't die without experiencing what it felt like. I was 12 when I first had this thought. Being 19 now and having experienced the first two things already...I'm good .
It is exciting to allure/seduce people, but be cautious with how you carry yourself. People can and will deliberately take anything as a "yes" no matter what state you're in.
I completely understand fantasizing about that stuff (getting kidnapped, raped, and murdered; abused for me- I don't want to die at the hands of anyone, but myself lmao). For me though, I'd want it to be with someone I know or am physically attracted to because a random person doing it to you is genuinely traumatizing. It doesn't feel sexy- it makes you feel worse. There's no shame in wishing this, but I stopped romanticizing it once it happened to me.
I recommend joining a group that practices that kind of preying in a safe and controlled way. I'm sure it exists somewhere. (I'm talking about this in terms of BDSM!! Tread carefully though.)
I also don't mean any of this to come off offensive; I simply mean for it to act as a precaution with some advice!
Edit: I also think I romanticized all that stuff because the idea of it made me feel like I was wanted in some way and attractive enough for someone to do that to me.
