Cope The slow process of accepting that love is unattainable

[PlebbyMenes]

I love life.

I really do. As a 30 year old, I have been through many of the highs and lows that life can offer. I have reached an age where I can say that I have experienced many different aspects and possibilities of life. Growing up in a poor, but well-developed western country gave me great healthcare, a lack of danger, a beautiful environment, a fair-enough education, a hard but ultimately realistic chance of obtaining a fortune through a boatload of work, and the possibility of living a full life. As a young person, I of course have seen richer, more developed countries, but I have had hope and the expectation of being able to get by.

I grew up with aspirations.

As a child I opted to be a racing driver, as cars were my passion. Names like Colin McRae and Mika Häkkinen may ring a bell to some of you, they were my heroes. The figures of how work, dedication and skill can lead someone to great success in life, in their case the absolute top of a sport. The recipe was clear: take no shortcuts, have great respect for those before you, do whatever you possibly can for success, and ultimately, you are guarenteed to succeed. I understood that. I was a smart boy, I spoke English in early elementary school, I was a computer wizard, I had a fond interest in technology. I realized that there is a reason for me to study, to work, to have ambitions and goals, and I had the luxury of being able to dream, that everything in this world is obtainable, and it all depends on me. I can be whoever I want.

Time went on and on, I was chasing my goals and I never gave up on anything. I am fortunate enough to say that I have succeded in a variety of areas in life so far, and I am proud of myself. I do that, because the things that I desired were dependent on my hard-working and unstoppable attitude. I may be stubborn and focused, but being goal-centric is what got me where I am today. These two hands of mine gave me all that I have, and in just a few more years I will be able to retire.

How does realizing that love is impossible fit into this story?

In short: it doesn't. The duality is staggering.
I was a happy, intelligent and funny boy, and the 1st and 2nd attempts at me getting a girlfriend (that resulted in rejections) didn't get me down so much. I wasn't sorrow, I thought nothing to it, I'm still 11-12, there are plenty of opportunities, life has just begun, "everybody can get a girlfriend", etc.. Little did I know about how evolution and genetics work. When I was 10 years old, I was balding so much that I was ridiculed and called 'forehead'. At 23, half of the top of my head was hairless. At 30, I am now at 5 or 6 on the Norwood-scale. My body was (and is) alright, but my facial geometry was so fucked up, my skull proportions were so wacky that I was constantly picked on by my peers in elementary school, and jokes about me never being able to get a girlfriend were emerging as early as 1st grade. It was THAT obvious that I am not suited for this. How does life expect me to cope with understading that? Why can't I get a girlfriend when I try everything possible? I had to LEARN that it does not depend on me. For the first time in my life, this is something out of my control. Something I cannot work towards, something I cannot achieve. But it's not my fault, as I am a product of my environment and I am not the one to blame.

All of what I've seen in life is that everything is up to me, has been a lie. Not everything can be achieved independently and realizing this took me a lifetime. It didn't happen overnight. Love was never going to happen. Hope was vanishing little by little, year after year. Slowly, after several disastrous rejections and heartbreaks, I stopped talking to girls forever. I had to give up and mourn that this part of life is unattainable. The process of grief (look it up in psychology) perfectly apply here: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. Here I am now.

I truly hope you guys have goals in your life. A part of mine is forever missing, but I try to enjoy my hobbies, remain diligent and see that life is indeed beautiful and there is still so much that needs to be done. I just wanted a girl in my life who loves me.

p.s.
I cried while typing this crap. I am not depressed, just sad at my undeserved misfortune.
Recommended song: Pink Floyd - Marooned


TLDR: As a kid, I thought working towards your goals will grant you your wishes. Turns out, life isn't that straightforward, and sometimes things are just simply and definitively out of your reach.

 

[Newton the 2nd]

Graycel moment

 

[Celius]

I love life.

Can’t relate. Stopped reading.

 

[FastBlast]

It looks like you finally swallowed the blackpill. All we can do now is cope and hope our lives will improve in the future

You are a programmer right? How did you start learning to code? I have a big interest in tech like you and it might just be a good career for me.

 

[im done]

Reddit level Faggot spacing

 

[FastBlast]

Graycel moment

Can’t relate. Stopped reading.

dnr

Reddit level Faggot spacing

I know you guys are trying to be based and edgy, but this shit needs to stop. If newcels come on here to share their stories and all they get is dnr and ok GrAY replies, then they will probably leave the blackpill community and return to their bluepill ways. This brocel spent a good amount of time writing this post. The least you can do is reply with something meaningful. Let's stop bullying people out of our community. Btw these low effort replies are technically against the ID sub-forum rules:

 

[PlebbyMenes]

It looks like you finally swallowed the blackpill.

Time eventually does its job you know. As soon as you think of something that's in past tense, it's behind you, then you have managed to get over it.

You are a programmer right? How did you start learning to code? I have a big interest in tech like you and it might just be a good career for me.

Unfortunately not yet, I'm just a hobbyist. I based my current amateur coding level on the fact that I was sitting in front of the computer since the age of 7 and hadn't stopped yet, lmao. I took the simplest approach by first reading the very basics of Python and immediately testing what I've read in order to solidify the knowledge into practice.

 

[PlebbyMenes]

I know you guys are trying to be based and edgy, but this shit needs to stop. If newcels come on here to share their stories and all they get is dnr and ok GrAY replies, then they will probably leave the blackpill community and return to their bluepill ways. This brocel spent a good amount of time writing this post. The least you can do is reply with something meaningful. Let's stop bullying people out of our community.

Thank you. I hate seeing low-quality shitposts here so...

Btw these low effort replies are technically against the ID sub-forum rules:

View attachment 809788

I think about this sometimes (yes I've actually read the rules), and how it's not enforced at all...

 

[Newton the 2nd]

I know you guys are trying to be based and edgy, but this shit needs to stop. If newcels come on here to share their stories and all they get is dnr and ok GrAY replies, then they will probably leave the blackpill community and return to their bluepill ways. This brocel spent a good amount of time writing this post. The least you can do is reply with something meaningful. Let's stop bullying people out of our community. Btw these low effort replies are technically against the ID sub-forum rules:

View attachment 809788

Im not reading this shit too long and emo but hes got the spirit he should just lurk more

 

[im done]

I know you guys are trying to be based and edgy, but this shit needs to stop. If newcels come on here to share their stories and all they get is dnr and ok GrAY replies, then they will probably leave the blackpill community and return to their bluepill ways. This brocel spent a good amount of time writing this post. The least you can do is reply with something meaningful. Let's stop bullying people out of our community. Btw these low effort replies are technically against the ID sub-forum rules:

View attachment 809788

It's clearly a copy paste

 

[blackedpiller]

Graycel moment

I've been there

 

[FastBlast]

It's clearly a copy paste

It is not. A google search of the first two sentences in quotes brings up only one result, which is this .is thread.

 

[im done]

It is not. A google search of the first two sentences in quotes brings up only one result, which is this .is thread.

Oh my mistake then
Sorry @PlebbyMenes brocel

 

[turbocuckcel_7000]

thanks for sharing your story

 

[turbocuckcel_7000]

it kinda always starts with a bad time at school, doesn't it, especially bad once adults just stopped caring completely
then things just don't really change that much into adulthood, successful keep succeeding, losers keep failing

 

[Qadr]

Graycel moment

everyone was there once brocel

 

[Namtriz912]

You're a strong person despite your experiences you love life down let anybody take take love away from you

 

[JayGoptri]

TLDR: As a kid, I thought working towards your goals will grant you your wishes. Turns out, life isn't that straightforward, and sometimes things are just simply and definitively out of your reach.

Very true and also this word "Love" is such a bullshit misused and dishonest word in our times. It's best to leave it behind.

The only worthwhile forms of "love" now days are ie. - I love my dogs, because they need me and I need them.

 

[buried_alive]

I know you guys are trying to be based and edgy, but this shit needs to stop. If newcels come on here to share their stories and all they get is dnr and ok GrAY replies, then they will probably leave the blackpill community and return to their bluepill ways. This brocel spent a good amount of time writing this post. The least you can do is reply with something meaningful. Let's stop bullying people out of our community. Btw these low effort replies are technically against the ID sub-forum rules:

View attachment 809788

Based. This kinds of replies ruin the forum. People that come here are at a low point in their lives and those who are supposed to be accepting of new incel members treat them worse than normies and foids.

 

[fang]

A part of mine is forever missing

Almost every life is different so even if you become this great man that has changed the course of history it's not like you've lived the lives of everyone else.
Nobody can experience absolutely everything there is to existence.
"Water wet, copity cope", I know, but there is a small chance that we are just being lied to about the transcendental nature of intimacy and romance.
I still want to experience it of course, but I can't deny the sadness of people in failed marriages and the absolute failure of modern dating to ever really get people where they want even if they're nominally successful.

 

[PlebbyMenes]

Almost every life is different so even if you become this great man that has changed the course of history it's not like you've lived the lives of everyone else.
Nobody can experience absolutely everything there is to existence.
"Water wet, copity cope", I know, but there is a small chance that we are just being lied to about the transcendental nature of intimacy and romance.
I still want to experience it of course, but I can't deny the sadness of people in failed marriages and the absolute failure of modern dating to ever really get people where they want even if they're nominally successful.

True dat. Of course, when we get emotional about things like this, we don't see the things around us as the way they are.

You said failed marriages. We, as outsiders only get a glimpse, a sneak peek of how so many people can exist in terrible relationships. We shouldn't be able to feel this (as they are called private business) and yet, we somehow know how people who are supposed to love eachother, actually argue, manipulate, and just generally hate eachother. Sex, monetary reasons, family, kids or societal pressure are the only things keeping some couples together. Love is not exactly how we envision it. Toxic relationships are not something we should be jealous of, at all.

The downfall of marriage which brought the sky-high divorce rate of today led us to believe that one has a better chance of remaining sane if one does not even attempt marriage in the first place. Men no longer want to engage, and for all the good reasons. Today finding a partner that is valuable, is worth your time and has prospects of developing together is even more rare than it ever was. People are no longer interested in that other human being's personality, people of today have become shallow and only go for looks, and it shows... It's the one and only primeval instinct that drives men and women today.

Come to think of it, I'd actually opt out and stay an incel, rather than mess up my life and having to co-exist in a horrendous relationship.
Stay strong, brother.

 

[Rivened]

acceptance

Not to disagree with what u said but I think it should be considered that even after accepting things as we experience them, you can still be and feel angry, depressed or even glad at times with inceldom (due to how messed up many outcomes with women usually are without a need for it to be like tht)

One would think that, since acceptance is a latter stage, it implies the end of the previous ones but no, we're still here. So I think it would help to be aware that accepting a situation may not solve it even if it can be helpful to keep going/focus on other things

[I'd say that some stages in that process do get destroyed permanently due to us adapting do this world and the resulting diminished capacity (I would use the word desire instead of capacity here) to pair bond]

 

[IncelsNeverCry]

Unfortunately I never had aspirations, ambitions, passions, hobbies or a drive to strive towards anything, threw many years away and settled for two trades that I have zero interest or natural skill in but at least it brings money to the otherwise empty table.

Genetic determinism is a hard pill to swallow, it doesn't only encompass the field of romance and attraction alongside sociability but it determines where you will work, where you will live, who or what your friends are, how long you will live and the quality of that duration, motivation, long term planning and execution, at least you managed to fulfill some ambitions that's more then most especially here.

And the comfy part of it all is that it's a luck based system so you don't have to blame yourself, normies love using outliers and anecdotes but the element of chance isn't to be understated, there's a thin line between a low value normie and an incel that still hasn't and cannot be defined.

 

[PlebbyMenes]

[I'd say that some stages in that process do get destroyed permanently due to us adapting do this world and the resulting diminished capacity (I would use the word desire instead of capacity here) to pair bond]

Acceptance = adapting to the environment
If things are outside of your control (i.e. not your fault), the only thing you can do is to silently nod your head and slowly leave the party. I often believe that inceldom is a bit like being physically handicapped. You can't do anything about it, it degrades your life quality, it prohibits you of experiencing lots of activities that life would otherwise offer to normal people. Just like missing a leg. Only the exact activities from which you are absent are obviously different.

Unfortunately I never had aspirations, ambitions, passions, hobbies or a drive to strive towards anything, threw many years away and settled for two trades that I have zero interest or natural skill in but at least it brings money to the otherwise empty table.

Genetic determinism is a hard pill to swallow, it doesn't only encompass the field of romance and attraction alongside sociability but it determines where you will work, where you will live, who or what your friends are, how long you will live and the quality of that duration, motivation, long term planning and execution, at least you managed to fulfill some ambitions that's more then most especially here.

And the comfy part of it all is that it's a luck based system so you don't have to blame yourself, normies love using outliers and anecdotes but the element of chance isn't to be understated, there's a thin line between a low value normie and an incel that still hasn't and cannot be defined.

1st part: I am sorry to hear that, but you should really try yourself at hobbies. Not like craftsmanship or painting or any of these normie bullshit stuff. Listen... I'm not even sure about the word 'hobby' I'm trying to use here. I often ride my bicycle because then I have time to think and philosophise about the world whilst I'm not sitting in place. Is that a hobby? I don't know. I sometimes buy a non-functional motorcycle and repair it to a usable state, and sell it. I make a small amount of cash that way, but is that a hobby? It's something I enjoy and I am good at, and I don't use any of these as a distraction. I am not depressed, I am not doing these because 'I want to escape from something'.
Just find something that you can waste your time with, something you are good at, and most importantly it HAS to have some sort of real use! I exclude gaming from this because gaming has no use, other than entertaining yourself.

2nd part: 98% of the population are absolutely oblivious of how genetics affect ones life in thousands of tiny ways. I am not blaming my lack of success on anything (that's a weak attitude), but facts are facts. I have observed since my childhood that when I am with somebody (i.e. a friend) but one person only, we get along perfectly. We treat eachother with respect. But once a third person comes along, or when I have to join a group (and 3 people are considered a group) that's when things go wrong. I hate joining groups, that's when caveman tribe instincts come along. Very soon I will find that people are ashamed of being friends with me, when we are hanging with multiple people. But when there are only 2 of us, things are harmonic. Nobody wants to be my friend publicly. But privately, yes, kinda. That's how pretentious our society is.

3rd part: It requires an incredible amount of situation awareness to thoroughly understand current societal dynamics. Low-IQ trash still blame their zodiac signs for the way things are going in their lives, not realizing the power they have on things in life, and things they don't have power over. Being a pro incel requires one to achieve a level of success in life so high, that puts people into the uncanny valley of feeling how "that guy shouldn't deserve being THAT successful". (because he is ugly... and ugly people should have no source of happiness or anything good in life...) (according to society...)

EDIT: Not to brag, but the recent good news from last week is that I have received admission to the most renowned elite university in my country, and people are in disbelief that how could I even get in... Isn't that place for smart people? And successful people? And popular people? (etc.)
Well, thankfully, you only have to be smart.

 

[Logic55]

Women don't love us, they view us a unwanted leftovers that belong in the trash.