Hell of a first post for my account I just signed up on but I don't really have people to vent to.
I'm sure this day probably brings alot of you on here down like it does me, so I just want to say my intentions arnt to stirr up any misery, though I can't help possibly doing that by bringing the subject up but I'm mostly doing this to vent..
Last Monday here was valentines day.. this times always miserable for me because even though I see it as another government institutionalized day to market and sell products the reminder of companionship physical intimacy relationships and all the rest always gets me down.
Though I absolutely hate reddit, I made a post in my cities forum asking how an unattractive guy can meet a partner or someone for valentines day in this city. I honestly don't know how these people meet and I see alot of soy boy type weak looking men with partners around my city and wonder how it happens.
Anyway among the usual 'just join groups, hobbies or clubs (which doesn't matter cause I'm still unattractive wherever I go regardless) I got a comment with a link to some singles night for valentines day. I thought it was a scammer and they didn't reply back I took a chance on it and clicked the link. It took me to some page with a count for how many were going etc. Like some sort of hidden group meeting. I got the address which was a public back alley type bar, got dressed as well as I could, buiseness level clothing almost and went. There was a few tables full of people, mostly 30s and 40s, even at my age I felt young. There was a few younger people. All these tables were full, I sat at a table by myself and ordered chips and a drink. This was very awkward for me to attend as I felt extremely self conscious. I sat at this table by myself, had my drink and food, noone even noticed I was there apart from the organizer who went around handing out paper for a quiz and some crackhead lady who came in, insulted my food and then stole one of my hot chips before leaving. I left after an hour coupe of younger females there walk past, noone even looked at me. Left without a conversation. Knew it would be a waste of time and money but it's always better to go out to things than do nothing. Spent the rest of the night waking round a fairly busy street with restaurants hoping some female would want a guy for valentines.. seeing all these others out with their partners. Made me feel like hell. I just wanted someone.. hell even just a conversation. A year almost living in a big city and I've not even had a conversation with a female in public unless it was a charity recruiter. I ended up getting wrecked and crossing over the guard on a motorway bridge near where I park. I wanted to sit at the top and look down and was halfway over the railing with the air under my foot looking down and some guy came along and grabbed me. I just wanted to sit there for a couple of minutes to get up the courage to drop but this guy didn't let go of me and I tried to pull away from him towards to drop but got talked into coming down then just felt defeated and went and sat in my car. I wish I got up the courage to run back and just dive off. But it's hard..
Anyway just once I wish I could have a real valentines day with someone I could have a good relationship with.
Who else hates this time of year and that day...
I'm sure this day probably brings alot of you on here down like it does me, so I just want to say my intentions arnt to stirr up any misery, though I can't help possibly doing that by bringing the subject up but I'm mostly doing this to vent..
Last Monday here was valentines day.. this times always miserable for me because even though I see it as another government institutionalized day to market and sell products the reminder of companionship physical intimacy relationships and all the rest always gets me down.
Though I absolutely hate reddit, I made a post in my cities forum asking how an unattractive guy can meet a partner or someone for valentines day in this city. I honestly don't know how these people meet and I see alot of soy boy type weak looking men with partners around my city and wonder how it happens.
Anyway among the usual 'just join groups, hobbies or clubs (which doesn't matter cause I'm still unattractive wherever I go regardless) I got a comment with a link to some singles night for valentines day. I thought it was a scammer and they didn't reply back I took a chance on it and clicked the link. It took me to some page with a count for how many were going etc. Like some sort of hidden group meeting. I got the address which was a public back alley type bar, got dressed as well as I could, buiseness level clothing almost and went. There was a few tables full of people, mostly 30s and 40s, even at my age I felt young. There was a few younger people. All these tables were full, I sat at a table by myself and ordered chips and a drink. This was very awkward for me to attend as I felt extremely self conscious. I sat at this table by myself, had my drink and food, noone even noticed I was there apart from the organizer who went around handing out paper for a quiz and some crackhead lady who came in, insulted my food and then stole one of my hot chips before leaving. I left after an hour coupe of younger females there walk past, noone even looked at me. Left without a conversation. Knew it would be a waste of time and money but it's always better to go out to things than do nothing. Spent the rest of the night waking round a fairly busy street with restaurants hoping some female would want a guy for valentines.. seeing all these others out with their partners. Made me feel like hell. I just wanted someone.. hell even just a conversation. A year almost living in a big city and I've not even had a conversation with a female in public unless it was a charity recruiter. I ended up getting wrecked and crossing over the guard on a motorway bridge near where I park. I wanted to sit at the top and look down and was halfway over the railing with the air under my foot looking down and some guy came along and grabbed me. I just wanted to sit there for a couple of minutes to get up the courage to drop but this guy didn't let go of me and I tried to pull away from him towards to drop but got talked into coming down then just felt defeated and went and sat in my car. I wish I got up the courage to run back and just dive off. But it's hard..
Anyway just once I wish I could have a real valentines day with someone I could have a good relationship with.
Who else hates this time of year and that day...
