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Welcome to Incels.is - Involuntary Celibate Forum
Welcome! This is a forum for involuntary celibates: people who lack a significant other. Are you lonely and wish you had someone in your life? You're not alone! Join our forum and talk to people just like you.
Read it all (even the optional bits). I'm glad you going outside of your comfort zone paid off. More often than not, me going out of my comfort zone doesn't, so it's nice to hear you're having better luck. That said, despite all your encouragement to try it, you've only made me want to try it even less (and I already didn't care to). Thanks for strengthening my conviction.
Interesting we have the opposite problem. I just had a most fulfilling evening watching 5-toubun no Hanayome ∬.
Happy to hear you have something you can cope with. I realize that I'm lucky in some regards and can imagine some differend circumstances under which I wouldn't be able to cope with payed sex. Hope this didn't ruin your day after going through it all.
I let them suck my dick without condom, I French kiss them and very rarely, I lick their pussies. STIs are very rare among professionals and they can be cured anyway. You won’t get syphilis from a legal brothel lol.
All sex is different and depends on the relationship. Mgtow sex havers always say that after two years of being together with a femoid, the hormonal excitement is gone and you just follow a boring routine. Or get a new ho.
Good to hear. I will get a vaccine for HPV / genital wards and then probably try it out. Did you ever manage to get a girl to show you her STI test results? Think they have to undergo those over here twice a year, although that might have been cut from the law because feminists got mad.
Thank you. It actually made a huge difference. Less bitterness and hate in the morning. And less insecurity and self-doubt. Worth more than 100 therapy sessions
Someone ought to start offering something like sex therapy. If it ends up being cost effective enough the state would even pay for it. At least over here, where we have socialized healthcare.
Thank you. It actually made a huge difference. Less bitterness and hate in the morning. And less insecurity and self-doubt. Worth more than 100 therapy sessions
Someone ought to start offering something like sex therapy. If it ends up being cost effective enough the state would even pay for it. At least over here, where we have socialized healthcare.
yea i can imagine , therapy can help but much of it is Gaslight . Fixing Man wouldnt be hard if People where actually getting to the Point and not being that Exploitative / Abusive towards Unattractive Man .
Saddly, those were from other countries. I started looking around the world when I got bored once I had found some decend websites. But there are hot uni students everywhere and they offer much more than most professionals, from anal to oral without condom. Only question being how they are as people and how they treat you / how professional they behave. Intent to find out through trial and error.
Think Sauna clubs over here are 50-80 as well, and you can have some hot uni students for the same price for like 30 minutes, but I wanted someone a bit more high class for my first time. From now on though, I will try out all the cheaper option I found while looking around.
Saddly, those were from other countries. I started looking around the world when I got bored once I had found some decend websites. But there are hot uni students everywhere and they offer much more than most professionals, from anal to oral without condom. Only question being how they are as people and how they treat you / how professional they behave. Intent to find out through trial and error.
I don't think how they treat you matters. If they have a bad attitude then just don't get them again especially if it's not your first time. I've been trying to have my first time with an escort I'm just afraid it's a setup or a scam.
Think Sauna clubs over here are 50-80 as well, and you can have some hot uni students for the same price for like 30 minutes, but I wanted someone a bit more high class for my first time. From now on though, I will try out all the cheaper option I found while looking around.
I'm so retarded I couldn't stick my dick in her pussy. She had to help me put my cock in her pussy. One time one hooker wanted to throw me out because I forcefully put my cock in her and she was in pain.
yea i can imagine , therapy can help but much of it is Gaslight . Fixing Man wouldnt be hard if People where actually getting to the Point and not being that Exploitative / Abusive towards Unattractive Man .
Thank you. Don't force yourself if you don't feel like it. I know how it feels to want to strangle the autor of these kinds of success stories after reading. Maybe some day you feel like it, or maybe you just avoid this shit completly.
Think Sauna clubs over here are 50-80 as well, and you can have some hot uni students for the same price for like 30 minutes, but I wanted someone a bit more high class for my first time. From now on though, I will try out all the cheaper option I found while looking around.
sauna clubs are expensive as fuck. I was on an open day for free on one but I hadnt the money to fuck. But entry alone was 100 euros and a hooker there costs another 100 euros. As a neet, I don't have the money.
I'm so retarded I couldn't stick my dick in her pussy. She had to help me put my cock in her pussy. One time one hooker wanted to throw me out because I forcefully put my cock in her and she was in pain.
OK, I didn't have anything better to do, and I was already feeling pretty suicidal today - not much to lose in that regard - so I gave this entire thing a read; even the optional parts.
Yeah, not much else for me to say other than ''congratulations'' since your experiences and my hypothetical future experiences will be inherently different because;
sauna clubs are expensive as fuck. I was on an open day for free on one but I hadnt the money to fuck. But entry alone was 100 euros and a hooker there costs another 100 euros. As a neet, I don't have the money.
Interesting, the ones I looked up online near me where much more affordable. Might be the specific city / area. Escort prices also vary by like x2-4 depending on how big the city and how much tourism in the area.
Yeah, realized that after looking around in other countries. Really think any incel with enough money / a decend job should consider moving to a country where prostitution is legal. Much better a cope than I thought it would be, might be enough to enjoy life again for the first time since puberty, if I can find a way to use it frequently enough. And thank you for the nice words.
Interesting, the ones I looked up online near me where much more affordable. Might be the specific city / area. Escort prices also vary by like x2-4 depending on how big the city and how much tourism in the area.
Yeah, realized that after looking around in other countries. Really think any incel with enough money / a decend job should consider moving to a country where prostitution is legal. Much better a cope than I thought it would be, might be enough to enjoy life again for the first time since puberty, if I can find a way to use it frequently enough. And thank you for the nice words.
OK, I didn't have anything better to do, and I was already feeling pretty suicidal today - not much to lose in that regard - so I gave this entire thing a read; even the optional parts.
Yeah, not much else for me to say other than ''congratulations'' since your experiences and my hypothetical future experiences will be inherently different because;
Someone please tag me when a fellow genital mutilation victim makes an escortmaxx thread
Sorry that you have to be burdened with another, additional issue amongst all others. Criminal how little people care about this when it's boys/men who are the target instead of females.
Sorry that you have to be burdened with another, additional issue amongst all others. Criminal how little people care about this when it's boys/men who are the target instead of females.
Hope seeing it didn't ruin your mood. If it helps feel free to let me have it, I wouldn't take it personal or hold it against you (and also not mute you like I usually do rather quickly).
wtf this is crazy. you a real exotic in germany. I go too hookers and mostly there are many fucked up whites and ethnics arabs, turks, niggas. its a real shithole
[Trigger Warning] This is going to be a detailed report on my first time having sex with an escort. It went suprisingly well, all things considered, which means I will be sharing the suprisingly positive aspects of the experience. Which is pretty close to me bragging about how well my first time went. If any of this sounds like it would put a strain on your mental health, leave this thread NOW. Also, _ L O N G _ wall of text incoming.
Some of you might remember that, before getting banned for a bit, I made a nofap thread in the sewers during November last year in preperation for my first time hiring an escort. Well, it took a bit longer than I had planned, but early this year I finally got over my fears and inhibitions and lost my virginity to a prostitute. I won't share my exact age (even though I think I might have already done so once in the past), but I will say I was getting close to becoming a wizard.
Germany, where I'm at, is one of the enlightened places where there is nothing illegal about this, as long as you use a condom, so there was no risk of getting into conflict with law enforcement for me.
I spend multiple months preparing myself by
-looking up tutorials on kissing, licking, sex, etc.,
-trying out differend products like Romanian wipes, which have a light local anasthetic to numb your dick and make you last longer, condoms made specifically to fit dicks of a certain circumfrence instead of standart-sized ones, sex dolls and also Viagra.
It was quite interesting, I enjoy doing this kind of prep work where I get to autistically sort and evaluate lots of information and make lists and plan out things step by step. That being said, pretty much all the info I had consumed left my brain when I was actually in bed with the girl and I used barely any of the stuff I ordered / tried beforehand during that evening. So it was a bit of a waste of time, arguably.
Personally, I wouldn't totally agree with that though, I believe investing so much time and thought into the whole thing helped me feel more comfortable and less overwhelmed when it actually happened, but, looking back, it certainly wasn't necessary.
The other thing I spend lots of time on was finding the right girl, and that payed off way more.
What I was looking for:
-someone sensitive and caring, who feels open and warm and emotionally involved in the interaction
-who would be able and willing to take the lead and guide me through my first time
-and able to sympathize / relate to my situation on some level, at least a tiny bit
-which might require some amount of experience, so someone a bit older (>25yrs)
-and a slightly higher IQ
-if possible, someone with some experience with autists
-reasonably attractive to me, which is a fairly low bar to clear
-if possible, someone who enjoys her job a bit, some extroverted or horny natural whore
-incall, meaning we can meet at her place (safes cost for hotel, since my appartment wasn't acceptable to me)
What I wanted to avoid:
-inexperienced hobby whores
-young, hyper-attractive foids who could in no way relate to my situation and wouldn't care to try
-generally, no one too attractive, because that would just intimidate me and maximize the pressure on me (and get me to coom quicker)
-no girl who openly displays her hunger for money over all else
-absurdly high prices
Finding someone who ticks most of those boxes was quite the struggle and took ~2 months in total.
I wanted to take my time and not feel stressed out, so I was planning to pay for 2 hours. That way I could try out a bunch of things and we could work things out if I was having problems (like not getting an erection or cooming too quickly or who knows what).
High class escorts can cost upwards of 1k for 2 hours, while some foreign psychology student who knows only a dozend words in German can be hired for 150-250 (same lenth of time).
But I wanted neither of those. Well, I would have been happy with some of the high class escorts, but they were simply too expensive for me. I was willing to invest a bit more into this first meeting, but was aiming for 300-400 euros. In the end, with all costs included, it would run more towards 700+, with the girl herself demanding ~500.
Another issue was finding someone who seemed nice. Friendly. Kind. Sympathetic.
Most of the independent girls were flaunting their sex appeal aggressively, together with their desire for cash. The nicer, more sophisticate escorts seemed to all be working at agencies and demand absurdly high prices. Imagine earning 1k+ for 2 or 3 hours of work because you were born in the right sex. Even after the agency takes its cut, these girls still can earn enough to afford a comfortable middle class lifestyle working only a few hours on the weekends, after failing every class and never investing any effort into something other than their own body. I regularly had to take some breaks from my online search because I was simply overwhelmed with anger and helpless rage at the unfairness of it all.
I have mentioned some older woman I have a friendly relationship with in the past (married with a child, so not a chance for ascension, she's also way out of my league). I talked to her about my plans and she recommended two things: First, to pay someone for an hour of cuddling, so I could get comfortable with a woman touching my skin and lying face to face with me. And second, something we have in Germany called "sexual Begleitung". It's basically a title for escorts who took some courses and learned how to take care of differend types of disabled people. Think it makes obvious sense why someone like that might be the type of caring, kind and understanding girl i was looking for.
Payed cuddling was a nice idea, but I found only like 10 people offering this service in reach of my location (3-4 hour drives were acceptable to me). The prices were also too high, almost as high as low tier escorts, many of the people offering were men, and the women were both extremly old (most I would guess were 45-60yrs old) and very unattractive. I have low standarts, I would accept someone with slight overweight, down syndrome and second degree burn marks on half her body, but these women were still 0% attractive to me. Actual 1/10 - 2/10s were the only ones doing this kind of work where I lived. I found some better looking women offering this type of service in neighbouring countries, but Germany seems to be behind on soft prostitution. In the end, I decided against it.
The other idea, to look for someone doing "sexual Begleitung", worked out much better. Again, very few people doing it, many of them men or extremly old. But I did find 3 candidates who had acceptable prices, looked not terrible, offered normal escort services ("sexual Begleitung" often does not include sex, but rather revolves around e.g. helping someone disabled to find ways to masturbate by himself or giving him a hand job or similar) and who seemed like they would treat me kindly and with care.
So, I wrote each of them an email, asking if they were free and about how things would go in detail should I decide to hire them. I told them openly about being a virgin, about my autism, about wanting someone who could give me a helping hand and so on.
One girl just talked about her prices and what she would do for how much in the response, so she was out.
My favorite, an extremly friendly older lady who had great reviews on multiple sites for escort clients, had saddly aged past what I found acceptable (she was now over 60). And she had gained a bunch of weight since her photo was taken. She still seemed very nice, and I considered going with her anyways, but there simply was no sexual attraction, and that would have set the whole thing up for failure. She seemed like a genuinely good person (from the stories told on review forums she would, for example, take an additional 1,5 hours with someone who was struggling with his nerves and only charge him for the one hour he had hired her for) and I would have loved to have my first time with her, but I was half a decade or so too late.
Which meant I had not found my escort of choice by process of elimination. She was friendly from what I could tell, and attractive, around my age, with some eastern european features.
She looks like a mix of these two girls: View attachment 1050652 View attachment 1050650
The email exchange took another few weeks, because she was taking a break when I contacted her and I took my time looking for a good place for this all to take place. I wanted something as private and isolated as possible, because I struggle heavily with privacy and hearing people all around me would have made this much less enjoyable for me. I ended up renting an AirBnB, which meant I got to be completly alone with her. A bit more expensive than a hotel room would have been, but since I was already paying 600+ for the evening, it made sense to me to invest another 50 for something so important (to me).
We made an appointment. Afterwards I would keep looking up kissing tutorials and the like for another few weeks, buy some snacks and alcohol and plan the evening in my head. Also got a professional mani-/ pedicure, the first one in my life. Luckily, had a regular teeth cleaning scheduled for a few weeks before the meeting. Got rid of any undesirable hair with depilation creme. And increasingly started to switch between panic and apathy as the date grew closer and closer.
When it was time, I drove to the appartment a few hours early, turned on the heating, prepared the food and drinks, showered 2 times, brushed my teeths many times more. I was extremly panicked while I waited for her to arrive. The older woman who helped me plan the whole thing gave me the tip to eat something small, like a sandwich, to keep my stomach from building up acid, so I wouldn't have acid reflux during my time with the escort. Also had bought one of those breath sprays.
Ended up throwing in a Viagra pill 30 minutes before the escort arrived. I was worried both about not getting hard and cooming too fast and not getting ready again, wasting the two hours on only a few minutes of sex.
She texted me when she got there and I welcomed her at the door. In person she was much more attractive than on her pictures, to the extent I did feel a bit intimidated. My mind was blank, completely wiped clean, and my heart was beating at what felt like 500 bpm. I didn't have great control over my voice or body, I would say things a bit louder than intended, be a bit more forceful in my actions than I wanted to, but I didn't fuck anything up completly. We said hello, I poured in something to drink for us and we sat down beside each other.
As always, I struggled to make small talk. I talked about my dog, about the weather, but even though I had prepared a few topics ahead of time, nothing came to mind. I was simply too nervous. In the end we talked a bit more about how the evening was going to go, about her job as an escort, about my autism, about my inexperience, what I wanted / needed from her.
I didn't want to spend 2 hours talking, so after less than half an hour I told her I wanted to progress to the next stage of the evening. She was fine with that, and we moved upstairs into the bedroom.
Ok, we're getting to the interesting part. I put the previous shit in spoilers, because what comes now is what really matters most in the end.
First of all, the entire thing was completly different than what I had expected. In almost every way possible.
We started undressing after sitting down on the bed. I left only my underwear on for a bit, because I was still hesitating, but ended up taking it off before asking her to let me undress her. Bad idea, I don't even know how you call the type of dress she was wearing, it was one without a zipper in the back, but it sure wasn't easy to get off. I did manage, with a little bit of help from her and small doses of violence. Glad I didn't rip anything. Would have been a terrible start to the evening.
She wore no bra and after I got her dress off of her, her (pretty huge) tits were hanging freely in front of me. I took of her pants and then she was sitting in front of me with only a thong on. I made some stupid comment about how she looked much better than on her pictures, looked at her and asked her if I could start touching her. Obviously I could, but I was in a state of complete panick at this point.
First suprise of many: Tits are not that great. Touching hers was highly erotic, and they did feel nice, but if I found a toy with similar feeling in some store, I probably wouldn't buy and only play with it for 30 seconds or so before getting bored. What made it feel good was mostly the awareness that I was touching a girls breasts, that she was letting me, her bodily warmth, the knowledge that it wasn't gonna stop there.
While exploring her body a bit with my eyes and hands I noticed she wasn't completly hair free down there or under her arms. Usually this would turn me off, but she only had a very small amount of soft, light hairs, and they felt nice to touch. Not scruffy like male hairs.
Then I told her I wanted to start kissing. She got even closer and brought her face next to mine. This was probably the most intense and difficult part of the whole evening. Being face to face with her. Would remain that way till after the sex had finished. Being between her legs or breasts was much easier than putting my forehead on hers.
Anyways, I had my first kiss and got 2 more suprises. First, kissing is also not that great. It was fun, a lot more difficult to coordinate than I would have thought, but not as erotic or intense as it looked from the outside. Obviously, it would be somewhat differend with a real lover in the context of a real relationship, but still, the physical act was not that special or amazing.
I had to close my eyes, because looking her in the eyes during this was too much, and focused on moving my lips. All I still remembered from all the tutorials I had watched was to put her lower lips between mine, so I did that. We kissed for a few minutes, during which I started to simply mimic w/e she was doing. If she brought in some tongue, so did I, if she got a bit more forceful, I tried to do the same. It went well, I think. I wasn't drooling too much, we hadn't headbutted, it was a bit awkward at times but doable. And fun. Even though I just said it wasn't as special as I had expected it to be, it was still very enjoable. Especially when she was being the more active one, taking my lips between hers and knibbling a bit on them or sucking lightly.
Another suprise: I tasted nothing. This would remain true even when I was licking her between her legs or under her arms, there was barely any taste or smell for the whole evening. Now I suspect that it either was one of the Viagra's side effects or that I was so fucking nervous it disabled my senses. At the time, I was simply suprised how clean(ly) she was.
So, after a few minutes I decided to move on, and told her I wanted to explore her body a bit. She got in position, and I let my hands run down her sides, fonddled her boobs a bit, grabbed her ass cheeks and went over her legs, before placing myself between her legs.
I had sometimes felt some disgust at the vaginas I had seen in porn, but hers was nice. Hers only had a very slight aromatic smell I would struggle to describe without opening an erotic novel, although that might just be what got past my state of absolute internal panic. Using two fingers I spread her lips apart and started giving her a little lick or suckle on her clit. Another advantage of hiring someone slightly higher class was that I felt enough trust in her being clean and taking care of herself that I was comfortable putting my tongue inside her cunt.
In my fantasy I had been a bit slower in exploring her body, taking a bit more time, but I was barely holding it together and my mouth was completly dry. I struggled to get my fingers wet so I could feel around inside her pussy.
Her urethra was clearly visibly, her clit was rather small and cute (and easy to lose / miss), but I needed her help to get my fingers into her. Once in, it felt great. Warm and slightly wet and mushy.
Kept trying a few things for a bit in the hopes of getting her at least a little turned on, think I also asked her for a bit of guidance, but she was fairly passive. Not distant or motionless, she did touch me a bit here and there, made some small moans (I had asked her ahead of time to not put on a big show or play pretend for me, I would fucking hate that, but hearing her make some lustful noises was nice, even if they were obviously fake) and helped me out when I was struggling. But she wasn't really as active as I had hoped, didn't take me at the hand and lead me along. "Touch here, like this, yeah, keep going like that". Something along those lines was what I had hoped (and asked) for.
Anyways, I was still shaking internally( and externally as well sometimes, when our bodies were pressing against each other), and I was just happy with her being nice, remaining in a good mood, letting me try what I wanted without making me actively feel like a scrub.
Then it was time to stick my dick in for the first time.
I asked her to put the condom on, which was another bad idea because she didn't pull back the foreskin. Then I got back into position, she lifted her butt a bit and helped me find the right angle / her entrance, and then I pushed in.
I was always a big coomer, and my biggest worry had been to bust my first nut after a minute or two. Once I had my dick inside her I got maybe the biggest suprise of the evening: It wasn't that stimulating.
It felt nice, warm, although not that wet because of the condom, and soft and pleasent, but it wasn't highly stimulating. I started pulling in and out, struggling to find a rythm, trying to finger her clit at the same time but abandoning that idea instantly because it was too much at once. Also trying out differend poses, putting my hands on her hips, on the bed, leaning in to lie on her body. She was again a bit too passive for my taste, I would have loved her to take the lead right then and there.
She also told me it was painful for her to be penetrated fully before she got close to orgasming herself. Which made me wonder why she had choosen this profession, but also feel good about my dick size. Slightly suspicious if that wasn't the intent. So I was holding myself back, not going as rough as I might have wanted to try.
Now I making some slightly exaggerated noises, saying shit like "god that feels good", mostly because I felt like it was expected of me as a virgin feeling pussy around my cock for the first time. Don't get me wrong, it felt good, but I wasn't in any danger of orgasming any time soon.
From now on, everytime I felt like the mood was getting a bit awkward I would ask her to switch positions. Next, I had her ride me, which was nice, better than missonary, primarly because I could just lie back and enjoy her tits bouncing and have her do all the work.
I asked her if women can control the muscles inside their vagina and she contracted them around my dick in response. That felt really good, and I might have coomed if she kept it up for a few minutes. Anyways, after taking her doggy style for a bit I had her blow me, and to my suprise, oral sex feels great even with a condom on. Actually getting hyped thinking about how it must be without.
Only because I was still mentally in survival mode did I forget to ask her to deepthroat me or let me take control for a bit. Usually two of my favorite things in porn.
I told her to suck as hard as she could, to see if I could feel it through the condom and yes, I indeed could.
Still not cooming though.
Another suprise was the lack of eroticism during much of this. I was touching her breasts, fondling them with my hands, kissing her, fucking her and it all felt very distant and neutral.
Think in addition to me panicking and being overwhelmed by the situation, the main problem was that we were both still strangers and that gave the whole thing the atmosphere of a business meeting. I also hadn't been able to create the right mood (and neither had she), instead simply telling her that it was time to kiss and then lick and then fuck. It wasn't a good flow, and it was all a bit forced. Although with how nervous and out of my comfort zone I was, I couldn't have done any better.
Anyways, after a bit more fucking, her riding me again but the other way around, I was starting to worry. I had planned to coom as many times as possible, but I still wasn't getting any closer. I only knew this kind of feeling from long masturbation sessions, where I sometimes couldn't finish any longer after coming 4-8 times in a row. That's what it felt like.
I told her I wanted to try a handjob, thinking that maybe without a condom and with direct skin contact it would feel differend. She got to it, and it did feel good, again, but still not good enough. So, I asked her to give it her all, and she increased the speed and intensity. We would switch positions form time to time, Me sitting on her tummy, fondeling her breasts, or lying on my back and so on. Sometimes I would take over so she could give her arm a little rest. But I was still not cooming. At one point I took her hand between mine and we both jerked me off together. Still not enough.
I had planned to cooming inside her pussy at first, but that was no longer looking very likely, so I asked if she was fine with me coming on her body and she was, as long as it wasn't on her face. She had a bunch of restrictions like that, no anal, no oral without condom, nothing too rough, but I had not expected to need any of that to get off, so I hadn't cared too much.
When jerking myself off while sitting on her, two things happened. One, I kind of slapped her in the face. I was jerking with all my might and positioning myself above her face, so there was simply not too much space. But the other thing was her getting to work on my nuts with her mouth.
And despite that never being all the interesting to me in porn, it felt great irl. Feeling her warm breath, her spit, her tongue on my balls was nice in itself, but what was even better was how personal and intimate it felt. Everything before was me, the desperate virgin, trying to not make a fool out of myself during my first time while she, the unphased professional just took it all without complaint. It felt like, despite getting what I wanted whenever I asked, I was never the slightest bit dominant in out interactions. And we were never interacting much on a personal level. Not really.
But it's hard to remain complete strangers when a girl has your nutsack in her mouth. I was telling her to keep doing it, getting her to lay on her back while I sat on her face, with my cock facing towards her tits. It was a bit more of a degrading position, more dominant, and I felt like I actually wanted it for the first time, instead of just going through every sex position I could think of to keep things moving along.
It was also really intensely sexual, there was no staying reserved and distant while we were doing it like that.
I started to relax a bit, and finally coomed on her chest while she was still sucking on my nuts.
It felt good, not the best orgasm I ever had but good, and I was simply happy I had actually finshed. We lay beside each other for a moment, laughed a bit, then she took a short toilet break to clean herself up. Looking at the clock, it had taken me 60 minutes to orgasm once.
When she got back, we cuddled, and I finally could relax in her presence. We talked a bit more openly, and I felt like we kind of got to know each other for real for the first time. Think this was supposed to happen before the sex, but I was too stressed out, and so it had to happen in this order.
Cuddling was suprisingly nice. Just having her press herself against me, or letting me lean into her, having direct skin-to-skin, it was great. She layed her head on my chest and ran her hands over my body. I locked her leg between mine and put my arms behind my head, just letting the moment sink in.
Another big suprise: I had actually gone through with it, hired a whore and gotten into bed with her, finished the whole thing from kissing to fucking to cooming.
There was no way I was gonna manage to finish once more, so we mostly talked, practised some kissing and licked, cuddled under the sheets and I explored her body once more, this time without my body shaking the entire time.
Played with her nipples, put my fingers inside her and experimented a bit. Tried to see how rough I could be before she felt unfomfortable (very rough), how deep I could go and how it felt deep inside (nice, I think she also had gotten more wet since we started, although she didn't orgasm). Tried to find out if she knew where her G-spot was and if it felt differend than the surrounding tissue, but no luck.
Tried specific movements and asked her what felt good or not so good. Applying some pressure with my tongue on her clit was good, putting my tongue as deep into her as possible not so much. She gave me some more kissing and licking tips, I tried some more things with her and I also asked her to rate my performance.
Now, she is an escort, and despite me telling her to please be honest (without being hurtful), she still has a clear incentive to be overly nice. If I feel good with her, I'm more likely to hire her again. So, I would put very little trust in her ratings. That being said, she told me that my kissing and licking was about a 6/10, she skipped over the sex, so that was probably a lot lower, and that she wouldn't have guessed it was my first time if she didn't know. Despite not believing her, it still felt nice to hear.
Another thing I realized was how differend it felt when she touched me vs when I touched her. Getting touched, having her be active, was much nicer than just having her let me grope her. The active element added to the intimacy. I was the one desperate and in need while she was in control, despite me paying her and her doing what I wanted. Her giving some affection (however fake) without being asked was highly enjoyable, and I wish she had done so a bit more.
It got a bit awkward again afterwards when we left the bed and she got ready to leave. I was mentally exhausted and could only muster up some generic phrases like "thanks for the great evening" and so on. But w/e, the deed was done.
And it was good. Great even, despite the sex with condom being a disappointment. But just feeling her skin, being there with her, overcoming my decade old fears and doubts, that still changed a lot for me. I stopped making my own body part of my sexual fantasies after the first few years of puberty, because it would always remind me of what I was and my own situation. Now I could once again imagine myself having sex without it scratching at some psychological scar.
I no longer felt any doubt or guilt when cooming too quickly, and I generally had much better orgasms while imaging the things I was going to do with future escorts than I had been having before. Cooming had become fun and joyful once again.
I also feel more relaxed, less insecure and less bitter. To the extent that people who have regular contact with me have noticed, without me needing to tell them.
So, all in all, it was a great success. And a clear improvement to my quality of life. Would recommend.
I'm now thinking about trying more affordable options, and looking where I can find the best service for the lowest price. This first time I invested a lot, but I couldn't afford this even once per month.
I also noticed how much easier the interaction between me and the escort was after the sex. In the long run, I suspect I will find a girl I really enjoy being around (and fucking) and mostly stick with her. Think if I were to hire the same escort once more, we would have much better of a time together, and I would be much more comfortable.
But for now, I want to try anal, deepthroat, maybe oral without condom, not sure about that one. And a bunch of other things. Also want to practise creating a bit more of a erotic atmosphere, for both our sakes. First ideas I had were showering together (or bathing) or giving each other massages at the start.
Also want to feel what it's like to have a girl orgasm on my cock. Bought some female sex toys for that purpose. Next time, after I coom for the first time, I want to tell the girl to play with herself using either her toys or mine and bring herself close to orgasm, and then fuck the shit out of her in hopes of having her come for me at least once. Think that would also take a lot of pressure off my shoulders for all future interactions / escorts. The knowlege that I can actually make a girl peak.
These types of stories are pretty painful for some of us to read, and I know that from first-hand experience. So I hope everyone who feels like that dodged this one.
But, and I also share this other perspective, it's also a great motivator and a bit of an how-to guide. Maybe my quite positive experience motivates some of you to give it a try yourself. If you can do that. Otherwise I would advise careermaxing hard and fast and then leaving w/e country you are trapped in to live in one that allows you to buy pussy like this on the regular without risking legal reprecussions.
Think this is pretty much the only thing you can do as an incel without hope of ascending that will at least have a chance at getting you to feel happy with your life.
Now, some people might not have any hope to have a halfway decend experience with a hooker, thinking themselves too ugly and the whores too cold. To which I want to give the following food for thought, based on how I percieved @Lucifer to treat the whole thing:
One of the issues with my first time was how awkward it all was. I got through it, and it was amazing despite not being actually all that sexually gratifying. No longer being a virgin, being naked with a girl, having a girl touch my dick, suck it, ride it, having her rest her head on my shoulders and fondle my skin, to finger her, lick her, smell her, taste her, kiss her, have her suck my nuts while I finish on her chest.
On here people often talk about how sex without intimacy is not worth anything, but I'm not sure if you can even have sex without some intimacy building up.
And even if it doesn't, even if the only thing that is happening is a girl who doesn't like you touching you for money, you can embrace that. Make her touch you, feel powerful, be dominant in the sexual realm for a second, demand what you want and have her give it to you. Revel in the fact that she doesn't want or like it, pressure her to do things you know she doesn't want to do.
If you think payed sex is nothing but an emotionless transaction, you can still use it to cope, just in a slightly different way. I wanted to feel cared for and be treated kindly, but if that wasn't for you or wasn't possible for you, you could use payed sex as a way to simulate power over women, almost like a rape-fantasy with the sharp edges removed.
Even without intimacy, doing something like that establishes a new foundation under your ruined ego and pride and self-confidence.
If you come at it from that angle, the idea that all whores feel nothing but disgust for their clients becomes a net positive, it adds to the experience. You wouldn't believe them that they liked or cared for you, but you will be able to believe in their disgust and reluctance to do what you tell them to.
"Even a ham actor can play the part of a bumbling buffoon if you push him onto the stage without a script."
Another suprise was the lack of eroticism during much of this. I was touching her breasts, fondling them with my hands, kissing her, fucking her and it all felt very distant and neutral.
This is an S-tier thread. I normally avoid such threads as the last time I tried reading this kind of thread, I felt extreme sadness, seething anger and hatred and had to stop, but reading this I am finding myself glad that you enjoyed this experience and are better off for it.
That was funny, man. Also I can see how that's the case.
Thanks again for putting all of the effort that you did into writing this and to the level of detail that you did. I think especially the beginning where you go through the searching process is going to be very helpful for those of us who are looking to someday escortcel. I am leaning more towards it now after reading your post. Also, I am inspired to work on my thread about simulating intimacy.
Spoilering this next part since it has some details of your experience:
I thought it was interesting that the cuddling part felt more relaxed, I wonder if that's because the sex happened already or what. Although I hear you mentioned that this was kind of just the way things had to work out this time. Do you think it'd be different if the cuddling happened first?
I suspect that doing anything without a condom is gonna feel better, but I didn't expect that things would feel "not special" to that degree. Maybe having it wrapped up really does make that big of a difference
The kissing part definitely sounded scary, to have your face that close to a foid's, I can see why the eye contact was too much.
After all these years of virginity and several years of wizardry, I have gotten to a point where I believe I've stopped caring about my virginity, at least to the extent I'm conscious about it. I guess I just wonder if I'd have the same positive boost to my mental health and self-esteem afterwards. A good amount of people I spend time with are in couples or are sex-havers, so I might feel ashamed I had to pay for sex, especially with it being illegal here and quite stigmatized still. Maybe I've just gotten so good at fucking onaholes in a "realistic way" (quotes because I don't fucking know what's realistic lol) that it's enough to satiate me. I think I can also see myself getting angry afterwards at the state of soyciety and the fact that the only way I was able to have sex was to transfer resources to a foid who is now using those to better her own life, while I more or less would continue to rot. I saw you may have felt some of this during the searching phase.
Same (although I somehow got through this post). If an anime that I start watching (I don't watch movies or tv shows anymore, because hollyshit has to make everything about feminism and love) even starts to hint at some kind of relationship, I'll drop it. I dropped some acclaimed ones like frieren and mushoku tensei because of this. Thankfully video games seem mostly safe
please don’t abandon the thread @OutcompetedByRoomba. Im halfway through reading and have a few questions/comments.
I went to an AMP once and licked the foids nipples and it must have felt like sandpaper because I was the same way, dry mouth, so filled with panic and anxiety that I couldnt focus at all, ect. Felt like I was in a complete psychotic state crippled by the anxiety.
One crazy thing is that kissing is completely natural and while ive never kissed a girl, the fact that you didnt know what you were doing shows how taxing on the mind being an incel is.
I been wondering about trying an AMP. Seems like one of the few options we have here. The ones nearby are in seedy areas though and I worry about that, I also worry about shit like blackmail since it's technically illegal. Were these concerns when you went to the AMP? I'm curious about this and might look more into it.
I thought about posting this thread in the sewers instead, because I feel that is a more appropriate place for escort stories, but after writing all those words I forgot. If a mod can move it over there, I would be grateful. Think it's less triggering for some reason if that was the designated place for these, since we aren't getting a seperate sub-forum.
Wow, thank you for the great read! Sounds really relatable - I might also want to try that out at some point in time.
So you mention that the tutorials on kissing etc. did you help you - was it really just because it momentarily left your brain or would it have been useless even if you knew it at that time? Also, do you think that even though you couldn't consciously remember it at that point in time, it had helped you or not? Or in other words: Would you recommend lookup up that info? If I may ask, which tutorials did you find most useful?
Kept trying a few things for a bit in the hopes of getting her at least a little turned on, think I also asked her for a bit of guidance, but she was fairly passive.
Now, she is an escort, and despite me telling her to please be honest (without being hurtful), she still has a clear incentive to be overly nice. If I feel good with her, I'm more likely to hire her again. So, I would put very little trust in her ratings. That being said, she told me that my kissing and licking was about a 6/10, she skipped over the sex, so that was probably a lot lower, and that she wouldn't have guessed it was my first time if she didn't know. Despite not believing her, it still felt nice to hear.
In my mind I thought of not asking for a performance rating, but like "what areas would I need most improvement in" or something like that so the incentive to lie is minimized as much as possible, but I don't know if that would actually be an option IRL. And again, even just hearing a nice lie even knowing it's a lie could be nice, just like the placebo effect ...
Also want to feel what it's like to have a girl orgasm on my cock. Bought some female sex toys for that purpose. Next time, after I coom for the first time, I want to tell the girl to play with herself using either her toys or mine and bring herself close to orgasm, and then fuck the shit out of her in hopes of having her come for me at least once. Think that would also take a lot of pressure off my shoulders for all future interactions / escorts. The knowlege that I can actually make a girl peak.
I think quite often they might just fake the orgasm if they think you really want that? For some it might even be a boundary not to orgasm with a client. How do you think you can "insure" against that happening?
All in all really great, thanks for writing such a detailed report, I thoroughly enjoyed it!
Yeah, if she looked bored or something like that I would have been fucking hurt. But, maybe because I hired a slightly higher class one, she was mostly nice, laughing at my shit and saying nice things without letting any sign of disgust or boredom get to the outside. She could have made a bit more conversation instead of leaving that up to me, but what can you do.
please don’t abandon the thread @OutcompetedByRoomba. Im halfway through reading and have a few questions/comments.
I went to an AMP once and licked the foids nipples and it must have felt like sandpaper because I was the same way, dry mouth, so filled with panic and anxiety that I couldnt focus at all, ect. Felt like I was in a complete psychotic state crippled by the anxiety.
One crazy thing is that kissing is completely natural and while ive never kissed a girl, the fact that you didnt know what you were doing shows how taxing on the mind being an incel is.
I might have to drive a bit soon, but I will take my laptop with me and keep writing once I get there. Prop 20- 30 minutes. But if you ask anything, I will get to it sooner or later anyhow
I also feel more relaxed, less insecure and less bitter. To the extent that people who have regular contact with me have noticed, without me needing to tell them.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking as well. This shit is even worse than I thought, everything about your self-perception is just fundamentally different if you know you have been judged worthy of love and affection. Hope I can find a whore that makes me feel liked and not just tolerated.
Good to hear. I will get a vaccine for HPV / genital wards and then probably try it out. Did you ever manage to get a girl to show you her STI test results? Think they have to undergo those over here twice a year, although that might have been cut from the law because feminists got mad.
No, I would never ask. I don’t care. A lot of people have HPV, it just doesn’t break out. I don’t believe in vaxxes, I had the chicken pox vaxx as a kid and still got chicken pox as an adult.
Wow, thank you for the great read! Sounds really relatable - I might also want to try that out at some point in time.
So you mention that the tutorials on kissing etc. did you help you - was it really just because it momentarily left your brain or would it have been useless even if you knew it at that time? Also, do you think that even though you couldn't consciously remember it at that point in time, it had helped you or not? Or in other words: Would you recommend lookup up that info? If I may ask, which tutorials did you find most useful?
I would. It's not that much effort and I remembered at least a little bit of it. Mostly, if you are anything like me, you will be panicking, and just thinking you are well prepared might help calm you down a bit.
I think quite often they might just fake the orgasm if they think you really want that? For some it might even be a boundary not to orgasm with a client. How do you think you can "insure" against that happening?
I hope the toy does it's magic, and that I will feel her insides contract or similar when she comes. But if she intents to fake it, I probably won't be able to tell for sure. Maybe I should not make my intentions clear and just hope it happens by accident. Have her play with herself as a show for me, then fuck her with everything I got and hope for the best.
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