Cessetto
Recruit
★★
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2021
- Posts
- 107
Ciao everyone, first than all I want to apologize you all for the wall of text I am going to type now. I have the pleasure to tell you one of the roughest experience of mine, that one which helpt me to start to accept the Redpill. Please, love me a little and read it all. Maybe some of you guys are too sensitive to read this story but I ask you to please make an effort and read it until the end.
It was 2010, summertime, I was 20 years old, KVV. My first year at college went great enough and my social life too. Good friends, good marks at college, I passed so many difficult exams. About sex and romantic relationships side, on the other hand, the darkest nothing was dominating. The disgust by girls toward me, even though I used to think it had no meaning, was an everyday reality. Some girls faked not to see the free seat next to me in the classroom, some girls claimed to be tocophobic and used to be mad at me as I barely touched them (meanwhile they used to act like octopus with other guys) and so on. Other ones, if they ever granted me the honour of some polite speech, as they realized my interest toward them, their attitute used to change completely by turning rude and arrogant mannered. I collected lots of rejections like that, most of them used to turn angry and upset as they noticed I liked them. As they rejected me they were always hand by hand with some other more attractive and more popular guy. Obviosly I knew my worth was way long poorer thant he ones of these other guys, but I wasn't that ugly. Or at the least I hoped not. I have always had a certain self awareness I was not a dream guy, I knew I didn't look like Brad Pitt or any famous teen idol, but I was sure not to be so ugly. This is what my cringy mindset used to think, but I can't blame myself for this, I was so young.
But everything seemed about to change when she came in my life. I met this green eyed, fleshy lips, lovely smile blondie. Her body was quite ok, she was short and thin, but not excessively, and she had also a very few ammount of fat hanging on her tummy I really liked. She was famous to be really unhinibited under the bedsheets. We started meeting the same group of friends. She seemed so interested in me by the way she used to act toward me, talked to me. She seemed to look for opportunities to stay alone with me and no one else. She also asked me for my phone number two days after we met for the first time. The opinion she could have been some kind of sexual or romantic interest. I knew this girl acted like that toward pretty or attractive guys and maybe this is what I looked like to her. This girl had so many short terms relationships and only with pretty boys, maybe she wasn't the ideal girlfriend but at the least it could have been a beginning. It's normal to be willing to start experiencing these things when you are in your early 20s.
One evening I was completely caught in her net. She started complaining and confiding about how guys used to treat her, about how she used to wish for a nice guy like me. She also told me something meaning so much to me. During that period I used to wear really showy Indian necklace (my outfit tastes during my youth used to be hideous, I know). She told me to buy a couple of those necklaces which pendants shaped like the first letter of my and her name, which started with the same one. And she said all of these things by tapping my chest with her fingers. My heart started sparkling for hope. I told my best friends about this episode and they all seemed happy for me. That girl was actually interested on me. She realized my real intention. I wanted to talk to her about us but I was shy. That's why she used to confort me by saying to give myself time to do it because she were going to listen to me.
And we came to the point where this story turns more and more grotesque. One day, after I decided to talk to her about my feelings but without being bold enough, she asked me out. We would have met at a cafe in the center of our city. How wonderful, everything so easy, the girl I liked asked me out. But...I started being scare about this: since I was a teen I used to imagine my first date would have been a disaster because my girl would have never come to our meeting. I would have been waiting for her for many hours long while everyone else was going around and hanging out happily and entertained. The morning of our meeting that frightening thought started taking its place in my mind. I started to reflect about it: maybe she was not an ideal girlfriend, and I knew it, but she really seemed interested in me, maybe this was not going to last for a very long time but at the least I was going to date a girl and starting some experience.
I got dressed nice and went to the place of our meeting. I don't why but that horrible thought started echoing more and more loudly in my head even if I tried to shut it up. 30 minutes later she had not come yet. I decided to call her but she didn't attend. After my second call I heard her voice through my mobile saying:"Just one minute." I felt a bit reliefed. She didn't forget about it and she was coming. I decided to go for a walk while waiting for her, hoping to cross her while doing it but this didn't happen. I decided to go back to the place of our meeting and no one was waiting for me. My thought was not only in my mind anymore, I started feeling like a demon was knocking on my shoulder saying;"She will not come, she will not come."
After two hours of wait and three more unattended phone calls I decided to go back home. I had no idea which type of godness decided to play this machiavellian game with me but the scenario of my first date, the one I was always afraid of since I was a teen actually became reality. There were only two differences: the scenario was set during evening and I was wearing a black shirt but it actually happened during morning and I was wearing a white one.
As I got back home I didn't say anything, I didn't want to hear any optimistic, bluepilled reason. During that afternoon I logged in Facebook and saw she posted some pictures taken the same morning. She went around with her friends while I was waiting for her. She was online and I texted her for explaination about what she did in the morning and her reply was:"I didn't come to the date because I had some trouble and got no chance to warn you. Anyway, I am not interested in you, I don't like you and I don't want to be committed in this period." Unfortunately, exactly two days later, she was walking hand in hand with a pretty face boy.
And this is the story of my first date, my only one in my entire life. Today I am close to 30, I got a master degree, a god job, financial authonomy but never dated a girl and I never will. But this experience taught me an important lesson: girls may appreciate your character, nice personality and the fact you are a good listener. All these qualities, anyway, means nothing if you look ugly. If you are ugly and seems like life has decided to give you an opportunity you decide to catch don't you ever delude yourself because scam and disappointment are always behind the corner waiting for you. It's just like when your team reach Champions' League finale but you support a famous black and white stripped jersey team.
It was 2010, summertime, I was 20 years old, KVV. My first year at college went great enough and my social life too. Good friends, good marks at college, I passed so many difficult exams. About sex and romantic relationships side, on the other hand, the darkest nothing was dominating. The disgust by girls toward me, even though I used to think it had no meaning, was an everyday reality. Some girls faked not to see the free seat next to me in the classroom, some girls claimed to be tocophobic and used to be mad at me as I barely touched them (meanwhile they used to act like octopus with other guys) and so on. Other ones, if they ever granted me the honour of some polite speech, as they realized my interest toward them, their attitute used to change completely by turning rude and arrogant mannered. I collected lots of rejections like that, most of them used to turn angry and upset as they noticed I liked them. As they rejected me they were always hand by hand with some other more attractive and more popular guy. Obviosly I knew my worth was way long poorer thant he ones of these other guys, but I wasn't that ugly. Or at the least I hoped not. I have always had a certain self awareness I was not a dream guy, I knew I didn't look like Brad Pitt or any famous teen idol, but I was sure not to be so ugly. This is what my cringy mindset used to think, but I can't blame myself for this, I was so young.
But everything seemed about to change when she came in my life. I met this green eyed, fleshy lips, lovely smile blondie. Her body was quite ok, she was short and thin, but not excessively, and she had also a very few ammount of fat hanging on her tummy I really liked. She was famous to be really unhinibited under the bedsheets. We started meeting the same group of friends. She seemed so interested in me by the way she used to act toward me, talked to me. She seemed to look for opportunities to stay alone with me and no one else. She also asked me for my phone number two days after we met for the first time. The opinion she could have been some kind of sexual or romantic interest. I knew this girl acted like that toward pretty or attractive guys and maybe this is what I looked like to her. This girl had so many short terms relationships and only with pretty boys, maybe she wasn't the ideal girlfriend but at the least it could have been a beginning. It's normal to be willing to start experiencing these things when you are in your early 20s.
One evening I was completely caught in her net. She started complaining and confiding about how guys used to treat her, about how she used to wish for a nice guy like me. She also told me something meaning so much to me. During that period I used to wear really showy Indian necklace (my outfit tastes during my youth used to be hideous, I know). She told me to buy a couple of those necklaces which pendants shaped like the first letter of my and her name, which started with the same one. And she said all of these things by tapping my chest with her fingers. My heart started sparkling for hope. I told my best friends about this episode and they all seemed happy for me. That girl was actually interested on me. She realized my real intention. I wanted to talk to her about us but I was shy. That's why she used to confort me by saying to give myself time to do it because she were going to listen to me.
And we came to the point where this story turns more and more grotesque. One day, after I decided to talk to her about my feelings but without being bold enough, she asked me out. We would have met at a cafe in the center of our city. How wonderful, everything so easy, the girl I liked asked me out. But...I started being scare about this: since I was a teen I used to imagine my first date would have been a disaster because my girl would have never come to our meeting. I would have been waiting for her for many hours long while everyone else was going around and hanging out happily and entertained. The morning of our meeting that frightening thought started taking its place in my mind. I started to reflect about it: maybe she was not an ideal girlfriend, and I knew it, but she really seemed interested in me, maybe this was not going to last for a very long time but at the least I was going to date a girl and starting some experience.
I got dressed nice and went to the place of our meeting. I don't why but that horrible thought started echoing more and more loudly in my head even if I tried to shut it up. 30 minutes later she had not come yet. I decided to call her but she didn't attend. After my second call I heard her voice through my mobile saying:"Just one minute." I felt a bit reliefed. She didn't forget about it and she was coming. I decided to go for a walk while waiting for her, hoping to cross her while doing it but this didn't happen. I decided to go back to the place of our meeting and no one was waiting for me. My thought was not only in my mind anymore, I started feeling like a demon was knocking on my shoulder saying;"She will not come, she will not come."
After two hours of wait and three more unattended phone calls I decided to go back home. I had no idea which type of godness decided to play this machiavellian game with me but the scenario of my first date, the one I was always afraid of since I was a teen actually became reality. There were only two differences: the scenario was set during evening and I was wearing a black shirt but it actually happened during morning and I was wearing a white one.
As I got back home I didn't say anything, I didn't want to hear any optimistic, bluepilled reason. During that afternoon I logged in Facebook and saw she posted some pictures taken the same morning. She went around with her friends while I was waiting for her. She was online and I texted her for explaination about what she did in the morning and her reply was:"I didn't come to the date because I had some trouble and got no chance to warn you. Anyway, I am not interested in you, I don't like you and I don't want to be committed in this period." Unfortunately, exactly two days later, she was walking hand in hand with a pretty face boy.
And this is the story of my first date, my only one in my entire life. Today I am close to 30, I got a master degree, a god job, financial authonomy but never dated a girl and I never will. But this experience taught me an important lesson: girls may appreciate your character, nice personality and the fact you are a good listener. All these qualities, anyway, means nothing if you look ugly. If you are ugly and seems like life has decided to give you an opportunity you decide to catch don't you ever delude yourself because scam and disappointment are always behind the corner waiting for you. It's just like when your team reach Champions' League finale but you support a famous black and white stripped jersey team.