For me it was when I would of been 9 or 10 years old when in primary school, I can remember having the feeling that I was dumb and "below" the rest of my class, this is because often teachers would tell my parents that I wasn't keeping up in my classes, I remember being kept in class during math, so I couldn't go to recess or lunch break until I finished my work (imagine that, someone actually being too dumb for primary school basic math). I think once I was also kept after school to finish my work and my parents had to pick me up when it was almost dark. Although it was hard to me to really understand being that young, I did have a visceral feeling that I was below everyone else.
I also had other weird problems, one being that I would bite my nails brutally, I remember once my mother had to bandage my fingers because of my badly I bit them (they were bleeding), I still have that same habit today over 20 years later. Of course at the time I didn't understand it, biting nails is a nervous habit categorized by anxiety. My mother eventually pulled me out of this school into another, she would say that that the teachers were nasty and unfair to me, but even then I had a good idea that it was because I was dumb.
Even today I still don't know my times tables, I somehow managed to get through high school without learning/knowing them. My mum actually told me a few years ago just offhandedly in conversation that I had problems in first year of school with associating sounds with letter, basic fucking literacy.
I understand now that garbage genes are often a two-way street, you are not trash genes on appearance, you are also trash genes in your brain.
I also had other weird problems, one being that I would bite my nails brutally, I remember once my mother had to bandage my fingers because of my badly I bit them (they were bleeding), I still have that same habit today over 20 years later. Of course at the time I didn't understand it, biting nails is a nervous habit categorized by anxiety. My mother eventually pulled me out of this school into another, she would say that that the teachers were nasty and unfair to me, but even then I had a good idea that it was because I was dumb.
Even today I still don't know my times tables, I somehow managed to get through high school without learning/knowing them. My mum actually told me a few years ago just offhandedly in conversation that I had problems in first year of school with associating sounds with letter, basic fucking literacy.
I understand now that garbage genes are often a two-way street, you are not trash genes on appearance, you are also trash genes in your brain.
