Deleted member 7448
Name is Abdu, live in Laos, born on 24.08.1992.
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- Joined
- May 16, 2018
- Posts
- 7,127
1. Your mind constantly predicting the future and thinking it knows how something will play out before it happens, no excitement to it, or knowing what will happen even years in advance in your life - my depressed mind has always done this. I "know" what life is going to be like even years from now, and it's always a depressing scenario. Normal people aren't like that. They go about their day and they think life is mysterious and full of wonders, anything may happen. It's all exciting. I, however, always "know" what everything is going to be like. I knew what university was going to be like before I ever went there. Knew what working was going to be like before I ever worked. Normal people just don't think like that, they go with the flow and happy surprises may happen along the way. But I obsess about the future, I know what's going to happen, and every day just seems like a hollow and dark slog towards a worse future I already know.
2. Reductionism, boiling things down to the bare minimum, stripping them down - this ties in with the first one because it takes the excitement, wonder and joy out of life. I always simplify everything in my mind and strip it of any joy or flavor. A normal person may think "I'm going to work, I'm going to do this and that, going to enjoy the day, eat my favorite lunch, hang out with my friend etc...". I'm not like that. For me the day is already doomed. I'd think "I'm going to drudge another day at this shithole job where I do meaningless shit day in day out for just enough money to survive to come back another day to do this meaningless, boring and arduous shit yet again". I completely ignore the small little details of life, the things that may happen during the day. For me it's just black and white, I see myself slaving all day so all the little things my brain ignores and I just focus on the shitty drudgery of my existence.
With these reasons being outlined, maybe we can try to consciously counteract those ways of thinking.
Unfortunately I was always right. My depression started when I was 13, more than 12 years ago, and I predicted my future accurately since then. Everything I've ever predicted was either spot on or ended up being even worse than the depressing scenarios I've envisioned. Funny how I was given a lot more chances than the average person in my country and yet I ended up being the biggest losers anyone has ever seen, failing in everything.
2. Reductionism, boiling things down to the bare minimum, stripping them down - this ties in with the first one because it takes the excitement, wonder and joy out of life. I always simplify everything in my mind and strip it of any joy or flavor. A normal person may think "I'm going to work, I'm going to do this and that, going to enjoy the day, eat my favorite lunch, hang out with my friend etc...". I'm not like that. For me the day is already doomed. I'd think "I'm going to drudge another day at this shithole job where I do meaningless shit day in day out for just enough money to survive to come back another day to do this meaningless, boring and arduous shit yet again". I completely ignore the small little details of life, the things that may happen during the day. For me it's just black and white, I see myself slaving all day so all the little things my brain ignores and I just focus on the shitty drudgery of my existence.
With these reasons being outlined, maybe we can try to consciously counteract those ways of thinking.
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